Welcome to Laura's Blog, facilitated by her friends and family. We invite you to continue to honor Laura's life and her impact on you by posting stories, memories and messages for Judy and our community. [Scroll down to the end for directions on posting messages]

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Personal Notes to Laura: October - December 2006

Visit this section to view personal notes and expressions to Laura made from October 2006 through December 2006.

180 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darling laura--
Hmmmm, your blog this morning has no comments in it; I wonder if it's my computer or the blog. Just want you to know I've been loving you from Mpls and Virginia and Chicago in the last couple of weeks. Just celebrated my 55th birthday with family and dear old friends in Minneapolis. Been thinking about your birthday coming up and how much I wish I were there to celebrate with you. it has been a week of poignant aliveness and a fair amount of joy. I hope your week has held similar aliveness. How could it not? It's YOUR week. Much love to you--Caroline

Thursday, October 05, 2006 7:13:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Laura,
Hope this note finds you well. Greeetings and best wishes from Singapore. Know that you are in my prayers and God is loving you all the time.
With Love from Sunny Singapore, Anna Leong.

Monday, October 09, 2006 8:13:00 PM

 
Blogger Susan V. said...

Dearest Laura, thanks for sharing yours and Judy's road trip to the mountains. I appreciate how you are seeing and reporting all of what you are seeing to us. I want to let you know that I am coming out for your bday party -- yeah!! I really wanted to be there with you to celebrate you. I look forward to seeing you and Judy in a couple of days....much love and blessings and prayers to you....Love, Susan

Monday, October 09, 2006 9:11:00 PM

 
Anonymous Karen Kimsey-House said...

Hey Laura ba dora:

I've been thinking about you a lot these past few days. ..and missing you too, being as how I got to hang out with you for most of the time last week as we led together. Gosh you were brilliant! Didn't realize how much the Arbinger stuff had slipped away from me until you started trotting it out big time. Yeeeha!

I've been thinking about your fight and about a comment you made as we were completing downstairs about assumptions. . .and the assumption that you were holding about the Fight.

I can't remember what the assumption WAS exactly. . .but I remember you weren't happy with it. It wasn't having you feel like fighting, that's for sure.

I want to let you know that I will absolutely hold ANY assuption that you want me to. ..I could care less how unreasonable or unfounded or whatever.

So, while I really understand how hard it must be to keep your foot on the gas (I mean reallllly hard. .. like I know that I have never known) I do want to encourage you to give some thought to what assumption you are holding for yourself moving forward and what you want me (and all of us) to hold with and for you.

I flat out can't wait until Saturday. I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas day. I know it will be such a magical day (wow. . .someone is going to wear WINGS!!!!-:) and I look forward to celebrating you and loving you and seeing if we can't fill up your tank a little with all that love.

Sometimes, dear one, it IS all about you!

Love you,

Karen

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 10:17:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Hi Laura,
I checked out Ilene's poem and appreciate that you shared it and the moments you had with her. Very special moments. Very special poem.

I wish I could see you Saturday in your feu feu, and see you floating on a great energy of love. Just realize that, with all the energy of love that will be present there, much more will be flowing in from EVERYWHERE! Oregon. Singapore. New York. More places than can be listed! I will look for photos :) Love to you! Emily

Thursday, October 12, 2006 12:14:00 AM

 
Anonymous Barbara Swanston said...

Dear Laura

Another birthday coming up for you - what do these milestones mean? It's amazing that we are the only creatures on earth who celebrate any kind of holidays, birthdays, etc. Pretty wonderful that we have the ability to think, be curious, reason (or be unreasonable), love, wonder, and so much more.

So Laura, have a joyous, celebration of another year on this earth. Your impact and commitment are huge. The world is a better place because of you. Happy Birthday! Love B:}

Thursday, October 12, 2006 12:37:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Thursday, my friend. I wanted to let you in on a little of my day today. I just returned from the annual Girl Summit Conference in San Jose that is hosted by a rock’n organization called Girls For A Change. 1300 urban and economically-challenged girls attended the conference from the Bay Area. They listened to a keynote speaker - a woman named Cupcake Brown (yes her real name) - a powerhouse woman that knows what it means to recover and fail and recover again. (http://www.cupcakebrown.com) They were entertained by their peers with music, dance and poetry, all with the message of possibility, change and empowerment. They attended three different workshops, led by volunteers that in one way or another supported their ability to create social change in their communities. It was beautiful and inspiring and pretty darn loud! I don’t know about you but I never experienced anything like that when I was a teenage girl. WOW -what is possible for all them by having this experience is so exciting to me. Now I will say that 1300 girls in one place is like herding cats AND magical all the same!!

Laura, Girls For A Change is the organization that became my Retreat 3 project. 5 years later I am a paid consultant with them and I do all of the training of the adult women (“coaches” we call them) that partner with the young women that attended the conference today. The coaches will work with these future social change agents through the school year in Social Action Teams. Not all 1300 girls will choose to participate on a team but those that do will work with two adult women and create their own social change project. And I might add they do some amazing projects that are changing the communities they live in. I love the work. I feel so “well-used”. I just wanted you to know that leadership is alive and well and working in so many ways.

Will send you a note soon to find a day for a visit. Have the best birthday. Celebrate! Celebrate the years that you have touched many! Kim and I will be sending you love, cheer and laughter that day. LOVING YOU TONS!

Sharna

Thursday, October 12, 2006 9:14:00 PM

 
Blogger Deborah Colman said...

Dear Laura,

Wishing you a fabulous birthday! May this birthday be like none other; May it be a day of birth in which you FEEL celebrated and cherished like NEVER before. Love, Deborah

Friday, October 13, 2006 5:42:00 PM

 
Anonymous Jeanne Cunningham said...

Dear Laura:

Happy Birthday To You.
Happy Birthday To You.
Happy Birthday, Dear Laura.
Happy Birthday To You.

Blow out the candles...Make your Wish!

Do you still have your beads from the Earthquakes? May they be "re-energized" for the Fight at your party today.

XO Jeanne C

Saturday, October 14, 2006 4:25:00 AM

 
Blogger caseyandjenn said...

good morning birthday girl! i had a lovely time yesterday...seeing you in your brightly colored sparkliness receiving all the gifts of the day. how blessed to have so much love around you. i left you, my heart full and deeply moved. i found myself dropping back into my body and really feeling again. (and even considering how I would look in pink hair, hmmm) casey and i look forward to visiting you and judy hopefully before the leaves have left the trees! may the afterglow of your celebration last and fill you with sweetness and comfort and joy!! grateful to be there. loving you-jenn

Sunday, October 15, 2006 10:13:00 AM

 
Anonymous Mary Driscoll said...

Hi Laura:

As promised, I'm on the blog! - What a beautiful birhtday celebration - an experience of utter aliveness with JOY oozing all over you and the party heartys. You hardly ever were without that HUGE smile. The party was brilliant and charged with loads of love. I am so energized by you and your creations. Happy Birthday, Laura, I wish you many more.

Love,
Mary

Sunday, October 15, 2006 1:20:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Hi Laura,
Beginning to get the feel of what the celebration was like, reading the postings. Hope to see many more! It must have been as wonderful as WONDERFUL can be.
Love, Emily

Sunday, October 15, 2006 8:35:00 PM

 
Blogger Shekinah Shephard said...

WOWEE, ZOWEE, what a day it was... Laura W in her beautiful Blue aura, surrounding by everything Queen Like, a scepter all your own, a crown, a chair decorated only for a Queen such as you to sit in.

How wonderful to be a part of your court, and the singing and dancing and pom, poming, and loving and laughing and witnesssing all the life and love that surrounds you each and every day.

The food, Lisa, as usual was PURRfect, the scrap book with all the pictures and notes of love was so well done, thank you Breeze and Camilla, Lesliefor proving all that wonderful food and everyone for all that you brought to the day; and all the rest of the A team for making this day so wonderful for Laura and everyone present.

In Joy and Gratitude for all the Abundance in this precious moment,


Shekinah

Monday, October 16, 2006 3:53:00 PM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

Dear Laura - Oh Friend o' mine!

What a delight and priviledge to be at your wonderful party on Saturday! I ditto all that the others have said so far. You looked radiant and your infectious smile lit the place up all day making it hard to tell the sun wasn't always shining! I took mental notes on how to properly pull off the queen thing. You did it SO well! May I one day be half as elegant at it as you were that day!

And now... the fight requires of you a wee bit o' rest. It was so clear to me Saturday how your are in this fight for the longest of long hauls. Listen to your pink-haired pink-eyelashed nurse of nurses and detox away because your resilient liver still wants to fight the good fight. Even if you're tired of it - DO IT. Even if you don't feel like veggies or IV's or baths or whatever you do to love your body to life - DO IT.

FIGHT FIGHT!
FIGHT THE FIGHT!
FIGHT THE ONLY FIGHT THAT'S RIGHT
FIGHT FOR LIFE!!
FIGHT FOR LIFE!!
GO LAURA!!

Speaking of which... I thought a lot about your lovely liver on the flight home. I kept hearing my naturopath's words in my ear... "the liver is the most resilient organ in the body... if treated well, it can be restored to health more fully than any other organ". I love that perspective! It's so much more empowering than the naysayers various liver perspectives. SO... I'm here to cheer you on. To bolster the pom pom bearers and the fans on the side lines. I believe in your doctor and your nurse, your A-team, your body and spirit, and the possibility of many seasons full of sunflowers and thrones.

Spotter Ready - READY!
Climbing - CLIMB ON!!

I've got your rope, Baby. Ready to cheer you on through this fierce battle for LIFE - YOUR fabulous LIFE... filled with people who love you, celebrate you, and meet you!

Thanks for having me Saturday. I'm thrilled I came.

Much-o Love-o,

Helen

Monday, October 16, 2006 5:21:00 PM

 
Anonymous Jeanny House said...

Dear Laura,

It's been a long time since I last saw you, all those years since our House family Christmas in California when I had to miss your fabulous part in being Santa Claus for all the nieblings (nieces and nephews), but heard all about it when we came to your great house to get the suit back later in the week.

Helen told me about your blog as she and other family members have shared news of your fight from time to time. I thought I'd check it out and let you know that from out here in the rainy cold of Wisconsin, I'm holding you in care and thought and gratitude.

Grace, peace, and love,
Jeanny House

Tuesday, October 17, 2006 9:41:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Hey, Laura. A few more comments shared of your special day that give me visualization, or at least a glimpse, of what I missed. Wow, I hope the glow still surrounds you.

A friend gave me this Sanskrit Proverb. I liked it and wanted to share it with you.

Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life.
In it's brief course lie all the verities and realities of your existence.
The bliss of growth, the glory of action, the splendor of beauty.
For yesterday is already a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision;
But today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!

Love, Emily

Tuesday, October 17, 2006 10:42:00 PM

 
Blogger Art Shirk said...

Hi Laura my dear...

Sending you love from very colorful new england on a Fall day...

I have been doing pretty well on my new vegan diet, inspired by teh China Study... thanks again.

Just thinking of you and sending you hugs,

Art

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 7:06:00 AM

 
Anonymous Debra Martin said...

Hi Laura,

I just want you to know that I made Andrew tell me about your big celebration in great detail :)
I'm celebrating another year of Laura!

Love,
Debra

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 9:22:00 AM

 
Blogger Lora Banks Ley said...

Hi All -

This is not to Laura but to all of her blog readers and there are many! Where is Laura? It has been more than a week and no post from Laura.

I spent the day with Laura on Monday, October 16 while she was IV'ing, and juicing, and resting, and recovering from her birthday party.

First, I have to be honest, I didn't expect that Laura would look so alive and healthy and full of energy. When you read about what she is going through, the protocols, the fight, the ache in this place and that place, the IV's, the trips here and there, the shake and bake and the clinic, you might (I certainly did), expect to see a person, a body that has the look of fighting for the last few moments of life.) Not so with Laura. Yes, she has yellow eye balls (so says she but I did not notice).

Nope. She has lost some weight which looks good. She has an IV in her right arm constantly. During our visit she went from fatigued, to feisty, to brainstorming, encouraging, coaching, hosting, caring for herself, and pontificating about all that she has learned about cancer and medicine and wellness and advocating and questioning and being with all that showed up during our visit.

She has asked me to share some stories, which I will in another post. What I want to share now is that Laura is working on a book called "Speaking About Cancer." She shared a bit about her book. We talked a great deal about cancer and one of the questions we explored is, "Where do people go and why?"

Laura makes up that people disappear because the fight goes on too long or it is too difficult to be with the cancer conversation. I make up that people don't know how to be with it, or what to say, or how to offer themselves in support.

I am willing to be wrong but, I spent the day with Laura and Judy because I sent an email to Laura asking if she was receiving visitors. I didn't know if I was a good enough "friend" to be with her while she was sick and vulnerable, and on IV's and fighting cancer.

Well, I was and I am and I know that Laura is longing for connection in her fight and open to connection and caring and support. She would love to hear from you all, and see you, and be with you, and connect with you. When she asked you to reach out and touch her, she means it both literally and figuratively if you ask me.

This blog is one way and might there be others?

Laura and Judy, what a great day! Glad I could be with you, be helpful, learn something, have some juice (Thank you Paulina), and see all of the pictures of the birthday party and share my own of my family.

I look forward to connecting with you both soon.

Much love,



Lora
lora@TheCoachApproach.net

Saturday, October 21, 2006 10:06:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Laura, (jen here)

Just a quick note to say how much I enjoyed spending time with you last weekend.

I celebrate your life and your fight.

And I especially want to honor the work you have created in the world. It has such value and so many have benefitted from it.

If even only a little bit of that value comes back to you to roost, you will be wealthy indeed.

And I invite you to hold, as I do, that everyone you have ever helped, inspired, loved, or kicked-ass with, has some energy they can send you now. And I invite you to receive and to be the virtual lightning rod for all that free-floating good intention, for all that unaccounted-for love.

It's bigger than Vitamin C!!!

And you absolutely unconditionally deserve it.

My love to you, dear one.

-jen

Tuesday, October 24, 2006 2:40:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Laura and one more thing.

You looked marvelous.

Beautiful. Twinkling eyes.

The Best Fairy Queen Ever!

-jen

Tuesday, October 24, 2006 2:44:00 PM

 
Anonymous Karen Kimsey-House said...

Hello dear one:

Just dropping in for a quick "hi" before I take me off to beddy bye. Didn't MEAN for that to rhyme. Really.

I'm thinking of you on this crisp fall evening and sending you love and hugs and stamina for the fight. ..cause I have some left over here.

Thanks for an incredible birthday party. How I loved seeing you dressed up like a queen and receiving your "subjects". And how I loved watching all of that love s--t--r--e--c--h your receiving muscle. It was swell and got me all the way to Copenhagen and back again withe the lightest of hearts.

I love you, Laura. Say "hi" to Wonder Woman tonight, ok?

Love,

Karen

Tuesday, October 24, 2006 9:43:00 PM

 
Blogger Rick Tamlyn said...

HI Laura--
What a thrill to see you as Queen Laura on that great Birthday celebration. It was an honor to honor you and to see you so receive it and us all! Thank you honey!
Your cells are rearranged from that Birthday celebration-- I know this to be true. The energetic ripple of that day is in you forever! Your cells are healed !!!! Done deal!!!!
I am giving a Bigger Game presentation tomorrow morning to 100 coaches at Georgetown U. in DC for their graduate coaching program. How great is that -- that your work is now going to impact 100 more coaches, and so on, and so on, and so on!!!!!
I will be proud to represent your powerful and clear voice tomorrow about the future of the coaching profession. Much much gratitude to you and much love to you and Judy as you continue the fight-- and we are right here holding the "fight" with you.
Much peace and ease this week to you both-
love-
Rick T.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006 4:39:00 PM

 
Anonymous Maria Garza-Lennon said...

Hello, Sweet Laura - I heard all about the party...how wonderful it was, how beautiful you were and what a joy it was to share a moment with you and some of the folks who care about/for you. I'm so happy it was marvelous for you. I've been a bit absent from writing although not from checking in to see how you're doing. And I thought I could explain my absence with busy-ness (which is true), but I think there's much more to it than that. As I was checking in today, I caught Lora's comment on your forthcoming book and specifically the topic of "Where do people go and why?" And I started thinking about that topic from our personal experiences with my daddy's illness. And then my behavior when friends or other close acquaintances experienced similar trauma in their lives. And I want to further reflect on that and will come back with more to say on the topic. I am also interested in what others have to say about it from their personal experiences, so I hope it starts a dialogue from which we can all learn more about ourselves and our reaction to the trauma around us. For now, though, I just want to say that I continue to pray for your full recovery because it is possible, as all things are possible. And I hold you in my heart, softly, warmly, lovingly.

Thursday, October 26, 2006 10:01:00 AM

 
Blogger Zoe Windsor said...

hi laura,
catching up on your posts and others posts to you. birthday party sounds truly wonderful :)!!
lots of love to judy, your a team and you
zoe

Friday, October 27, 2006 7:42:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Laura,

Just a quick note... sending you hugs and sunshine from Southern CA on a chilly Friday morning.

Love,
Chuck

Friday, October 27, 2006 9:13:00 AM

 
Blogger Shekinah Shephard said...

Hi Laura,

Just checking in on this Sunday, and hoping the week just got better and better for you. I know you had soome challenges this week with treatments, your stomach pains, etc and I know that you are taking care of yourself and I applaud that.

I was with my two godchildren yesterday, Caitlan and Clare, and one of them was a cheerleader for Halloween so we did a POM POM cheer for you. I hope you heard it up in Sebastopol and Claire was doing cartwheels also.

The question that Lora posed "Where do people go and why?". I am not exactly sure what that means, My assumption is that the questions is asked to friends or family of those who have cancer and "Where they go? So I will go with my assumption and answer from my perscective.

I believe that we have a long way to go in the West dealing with illness and the thought of our own mortality. I personally have been touched by cancer with my mother, my father and my husband. How was I with them through their struggle? Personally it was not hard to be with them, I did not leave them nor did I want to . My mom survived and is still alive and fortunately did not have too much of a fight, my dad died and in being with him as he was living with cancer in the end was a wonderful experience for me and it got me to want to be and support others who had cancer, that is when I went to volunteer with Hospice, and being with Clive was a bit scary, but after two cancer diagnosis bladder and prostate. He was very lucky and is also doing quite well. If he had been in a lot of pain and stuggle would I have been there for him? Yes, I know I would be, and i also know that there would be times when i would want out and not want to deal with the struggle, I feel that is pretty normal.

I beleive people on the whole really want to support and be there for close family and friends as they live with cancer, and I also know that it is so new to myself and others that we really don't know what being there means either to the person who has cancer or the caregivers as there is not a lot of education on the subject.

I love the book by Ken Wilber, Grace and Grit, I believe this was a deep share of what it is like to be with someone with cancer and a caregiver for 5 years. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming to read this book. I would recommend it highly. I would also recommend that people start educating themselves about being with others as we all are going to have someone in our lives who will be going through a major health crisis at one time or another. There are a number of educational programs. Hospice Organizations, Ayala Institute in Northern California are two that I personally know of. I am sure there are many more out there.

What I do believe for myself is to stay up to date in realtionships with those that I are close to. To tell your loved ones, they are loved, to be there when they are alive and well and hopefully you will also be there if anything happens. There is no one reason Why we Leave, I am sure it is different for each individual and every instance. The question is a good one, and I am sure there are many different answers.

In Joy and Gratitude,

Shekinah

Sunday, October 29, 2006 10:59:00 AM

 
Blogger Melissa O'Mara said...

Hi Laura,

Wonderful to read your post-party post (hmmm, that sounds kinda strange-but you know what I mean). I am SOOO very glad that you were able to receive all the love and everything that came with it on your birthday. I struggled greatly, right down to the last day, on whether to hop on that cross-country flight, and stuck to my decision to stay home, with my family, and my 22 Sunday school students (jr. high). We were in the third week of using the 7 habits of highly effective teens, and I didn't want to leave my "co-player" alone with this motley crew! You think working with 22 adults is a challenge? Well, try 12 - 15 year old kids!

Of course, I thought of you often, even as I joined a different birthday party for a local girlfriend. The energy was similar, in some ways, as she has been a catalyst for creating an informal women's group around her "Already Beautiful" dance and fitness studio here in Tully, NY.

I will check in here soon, and also connect on the phone soon! Bigger Games are alive and thriving here, and I do want to share soon.

Much love,

Melissa

Sunday, October 29, 2006 7:30:00 PM

 
Anonymous Debra Martin said...

Hi Laura,

Tomorrow, 10 of us from CTI leave for the ICF conference in St. Louis. How I wish you could be there with us! And, you will be. All of us there stand on your shoulders. We honor the work of your life and the vision that you have held.
Thousands of coaches and clients are living better and richer lives because of you, Laura.
I promise that on Saturday night at the closing gala, we will raise a toast to you.

Sending you much love,
Debra

Monday, October 30, 2006 9:35:00 PM

 
Blogger Art Shirk said...

Dear Laura Laura bo-Baura...

I was thinking of you as I walked the dogs this morning along a wooded trail near my house, as we do every mornin. It's particularly beautiful now because the ground is covered with golden and orange leaves and pine needles and has that amazing rich smell of Fall.

I thought about the ways that you have impacted me and my life (yes... it's really all about me...), and that I'm grateful for that. I was thinking about our Great Mystery leadership group... my first... and the way that you held a high bar for me the whole time, while simultaneously having limitless compassion and space for my terror and cluelessness leading for the first time. And I was thinking about how I have learned to recover, particularly in my own health journey... and that I have built my own capacity to FIGHT and CHOOSE... and often when I do (which I have done recently) I think of you. When I think of you, it makes me realize just a little bit more that it is worth it to fight the fight, and to put myself back up on whatever horse I'm riding and sit up just a bit taller, and nudge the horse to go just a little bit faster.

Love and hugs to you...

Art

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 9:14:00 AM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Hi Laura,

A lovely, lovely picture! I tried the Flickr link but didn't get to see any more. I posted a comment to Stacy's invitation hoping she can help me figure out what I need to do to get to the photos.

Where do people go.....Not knowing how to be with those who are seriously ill or dying. I would add to that comment, or just old. That is definitely not a comfortable place for many people. Most of the apologies I have heard come from a place of the individual wanting to remain in a comfort zone....not wanting to see the one who is seriously ill or dying or old in their present state but rather in their state of memory of a better time. Can't say I blame anyone for that, but I do feel that they miss something valuable in avoiding what is uncomfortable. To be there for, and with, someone going through a life transition...through illness or aging, benefits not only the one experiencing the transition but also the one who supports them. It is a real win - win.

A personal example for me was with my beloved nephew who died from aids quite a few years back. I wanted to be there for him, and was in the limited way I could be at the time, but felt really inadequate and awkward. Even so, I had no regrets for the time spent with him. Wasn't easy but I wanted him to know how much he meant to me, and I grew as a person.

A hug for you and a wink for Wonder Woman!

Love, Emily

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 9:57:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

P.S. I tried the link again and it worked! Wonderful.

Love, Em

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 10:07:00 PM

 
Anonymous Barbara S said...

Hi Princess Laura

Love the photos - You look so beautiful and the party looks fabulous! It's wonderful that you had the energy to enjoy and participate and the willingness to let others honour, love and celebrate YOU!

Where do people go? HMMM! I check your blog pretty regularly and I don't often leave a note. Why? Don't know what to say, should I check in with where I am, or comment on something you've written, not comfortable going too deep yet don't want to be shallow either. Sounds like a lot of gremlins, doesn't it?! Maybe I could just say 'hi, I've been here and I'm thinking about you and sending you loving energy!'

I took the first ORSC course this past w/end in vancouver. It was marvellous and powerful. Juhree and Grace lead and I knew most of the people there. This feels like a big piece of the puzzle both of being a better coach and human being.

So, dear Laura, keep up the fight, keep calling us forth on your blog and in life and keep asking for and receiving all the love, connection and whatever else you need. Love B:}

Wednesday, November 01, 2006 1:26:00 PM

 
Anonymous Maria Garza-Lennon said...

Oh, Dear Laura. I am so sad you are not feeling well this week. How I wish comfort and healing for you. And peace of mind. And warmth. And lots of love. And I'm sending you love and healing vibes all the way to your home and comfy bed. Please feel better soon. Receive my love.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006 5:28:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Laura

I waited with anticipation to see the birthday photos. Seeing you - your smile and shiney eyes - was wonderful. You look like Laura - full of wisdom and yourselfness. I don't know what I feared. A Laura who looked like cancer?

I thought about you a lot this week. I attended a facilitator training that had elements of what you taught us in leadership. It was missing some of the language and understanding that calls people forth. I will add that myself as I go forward with working with groups.

I continue to be grateful to you personally for what you modeled for me and what you taught me. The gift that keeps on giving years later.

I have been thinking about where people go - where do I go? I found a bunch of old letters from friends over the years I have lost track of. Where did I go? Why did I not keep in touch? For my own muddle self, I just get lost in the details of my own life and lose track of the big picture. So maybe it takes personal commitment and discipline to stay awake to the things you decide you will stay awake for.

With love as deep and expansive as the ocean,

Lynne

Friday, November 03, 2006 4:46:00 AM

 
Blogger cjeanneb said...

Hello Laura
Love
Jeanne B

Saturday, November 04, 2006 8:36:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Hi Laura,

I see all the pictures are back. Good job....Stacy did that good work I imagine. I love looking at all of them plus the new ones on Flikr. This is a wonderful place to retreat to when the day around me is wet and rainy. These photos are full of sunshine and I can have it any time I want! I can see places I have never been like Capital Reef, Utah and Tulum, Mexico. Best of all, I see you and your smile radiates.

Love, Emily

Saturday, November 04, 2006 11:25:00 PM

 
Anonymous Barbara Swanston said...

Hi Laura

I was 'passing' so thought I'd drop in and say "hi".

Vancouver's wonderful run of exquisite weather has finally broken and we are being drenched in much needed rain. I welcome it and sometimes it sounds like there are a million angels dumping buckets of water on us. I noticed some pink in the eastern sky this morning so perhaps we will get a bit of clearning today.

Hope you are feeling the sun's warmth no matter what the weather where you are. My heart is sending you warmth and energy. Love B:}

Sunday, November 05, 2006 7:35:00 AM

 
Blogger Susan V. said...

Dear Laura, what wonderful pictures of you from your party and you are correct...you looked Fabulous dahling!! And I love that you took it all in and allowed yourself to be celebrated. I would say that everyone truly enjoyed being able to celebrate you.

I spent a wonderful weekend at Notre Dame - another victory for the Fighting Irish against North Carolina. What made it extra special was a visit from my 79 year old aunt and 2 of my second cousins (my cousin's 2 daughters). They are very mature and wise 22 and 25 year old young ladies. My aunt made her awsome peanut butter and chocolate fudge -- yummy!! way too much sugar but a fun little splurge. Another candle is burning for you at the Grotto and from your most recent post I am praying that it burns brightly for you to help you keep your energy and spirits going.....Know that I am continuing to send more prayers and more love your way....Blessings Laura. Love, Susan

Sunday, November 05, 2006 9:37:00 PM

 
Anonymous Breeze Carlile said...

Hey Babe,

I was gonna sit here and be profound or something, but this soft black cat sat on my lap and wanted what she wanted, petting scratching pulling rubbing. These are the conditions that lead to FPS - Floppy Paw Syndrome. A serious, daily condition that results in her complete surrender to dignity-lacking belly-up posture, with floppy paws and purrs. She is insistent. She is insatiable. She melts my heart and I have to surrender. She is my new role model. I wonder what I could, can, create, if I acted in the same, singular way to receive what I want? Hmmmm.

So I offer:

A Spell to Commit Pronoia*, by psychotherapist Jennifer Welwood:

"Willing to experience aloneness,
I discover connection everywhere;
Turning to face my fear,
I meet the warrior who lives within;

Opening to my loss,
I am given unimaginable gifts;
Surrendering into emptiness,
I find fullness without end.

Each condition I flee from pursues me.
Each condition I welcome transforms me
And becomes itself transformed
Into its radiant jewel-like essence.

I bow to the one who has made it so,
Who has crafted this Master Game;
To play it is pure delight,
To honor it is true devotion."

*Pronoia is a way of believing by Rob Brezsny.

And my new most favorite book that I think should be a textbook for Coaching is "Authentic Happiness" by Martin Seligman. Trust me.

I love you. I love Judy. Have for some 14 years now. How amazing is that? What a distance we have come. Enfold yourself in our history, a special circumstance for we two. Energy and healing are being sent to you, warm colors of orange and red to your body. Love Breeze

Sunday, November 05, 2006 9:39:00 PM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

Dear Laura,

GREETINGS!! I'm just back from the ICF conference. After driving the 650 miles home yesterday, I'm not really up to doing much today. Seems like a good time to check in with you, with my thoughts, and spend some time reflecting on the question of the hour - where do people go?

First of all, the conference was great and awful as usual. You would have been proud, and you would have probably wanted to cuss out a few folks. The keynotes were great as were a few of the workshops. The profession needs some help, and yet in some areas shows great promise. This is a fight you don't need to fight right now. We can handle it... you fight the fight that matters - fight YOUR fight - fight the only fight that's right... fight for LIFE! Fight for LIFE!!! Go Laura!

... I digress..... :) !

So... Where do people go? I don't know where 'people' go... but I do know where I go when I go away. I've lost too many loved ones in the past 5 years, so I've gotten to see myself go away a lot. I know all my tricks. I'm not proud of any of them, but in the interest of helping to explore the question, I'll put my dirty underwear on the table. Here are a few of my personal escape causes:

Of course there are the ones you guessed at - fear, too busy, unable to be with ______ (death, dying, illness, suffering, loss, etc), and not knowing how to be with all of the above. When I look at those things though, they all feel like lame excuses - that there must be something more to it than that.

Take 'fear' for example: I'm afraid of a LOT of things in my life... and yet, a lot of those things I manage to do anyway. When do I let fear stop me? When do I feel the fear and do it anyway? Here's an example of a cycle.....

- gee, I haven't checked in with Laura in a while... I need to do that....

- go read blog...

- uh oh, she asked a big question... good one... I need to go think about that...

- days pass.... a week.... time to go out of town... I'll get to it when I return....

- oops, I'm home but busy.... hmmmm.... maybe I'll read the blog again and see if she still wants to know where we go...

- go check blog.... no new posts.....

- is she okay? Maybe she feels lousy. Maybe I shouldn't bother her... She probably doesn't really want to hear from me anyway. She's got her A-team. They're close by and they love her. They can tell what she REALLY wants better than I can over here. Besides... I don't have anything profound to say... I better go cook dinner....

- life continues... another day passes... oh look, I'm still 'away'. Damn. How's about I just go WRITE something!? Who cares if it's profound... just go WRITE.

- Write. That's fine. But don't call.

(new screwy thought process ahead. I smell FRED! )

- Definitely don't call... because... THAT really might bother her. What if she's shakin' and bakin' as we speak? What if she wants to be alone? I don't want to bother her. I don't want to be caught being unimportant.... or offensive.... or worse yet, be calling at the right time and have the WRONG thing to say. That's it. I'll probably say exactly THE wrong thing. Then I'll not only have to see how unimportant and ineffective I am, but I'll also have to feel that awful feeling of being a total ass. You need all the perfectness that you can possibly have in your life RIGHT NOW, and I would be bringing in the ablsolute WRONGness. Gosh... maybe I'll be so wrong in what I do, I'll tip the scales for you and be the straw on your camel's back that sends you into the great decline. My shamelessly codependent little self will be RESPONSIBLE for any suffering YOU endure. Oy Vey!!

Of course, none of that is blatantly in my consciousness at the time. It's much more subtle and insidious than that. I do have choice in it all, and would love to think I'm far enough along on my own path to enlightenment that none of that garbage swirls through my circuits, but it does. I KNOW BETTER... and it still does.

About 4 years ago my high school sweetheart died from ALS. We had remained friends over the years and I witnessed his fight for life for 9 years. In the last year, I drifted away. Yes, I was busy - who isn't? Yes, I was afraid - who isn't? More than anything - I was an ass. As his disease progressed, it got harder to understand him on the phone. I was so afraid that one day I'd call and not be able to understand him - and was afraid of not knowing what to do if that happened - that I stopped calling long before that time came.

One day, I mustered up the courage to call. The number wasn't in service. I called information and found a listing for his wife's number only. I called her and left a message. When she called me back, I was horrified to find out that he'd passed away a YEAR earlier. I had NO IDEA that that much time had passed.

It shocks me that my fear of things that don't really matter can take me so far away from the things that really do matter. My guess is that's pretty human, but it nauseates me all the same.

And so Dear Laura, the bottom line of some of the reasons I think people go away are:

- we don't want to get caught not knowing what to say or do or how to be.
- we don't want to feel hurt, guilt, sadness, or shame when someone says "she doesn't want to talk now" (we're afraid we'll take it personally even though it may not be)
- we don't want to matter less to our loved one than they matter to us.
- we want to do what's right and don't trust ourselves...
- we want to send positive energy and worry that our fear of loss will bring just the opposite.
- we want to say the perfect thing, are sure that we won't, so we say nothing....
- we put it off.... and put it off some more.... (for many of the reasons above)....
- we hate good byes....
- we don't know how to do hellos when the context has shifted....
- we love too much, but we think we matter too little... and that is a painful combination.
- we lose faith, and THAT is one of the hardest things to be with...

These are just a few of the things I see. I'm wearing a shirt right now that says "Flaunt your humanity". Feels like I'm doing a little flaunting of my own. Hope it serves you and all. Thanks for giving me a chance to look here and air out the shadows. What a human mess.

Much LOVE, as always....

Helen

Monday, November 06, 2006 5:11:00 PM

 
Anonymous Debra Martin said...

Dear Laura,

I just read your latest post this morning. Thank you for pouring yourself out to this community, for keeping us updated and in your loop.

I've come home from the ICF conference in St. Louis. Helen did a masterful job in describing it. I was proud, over and over, to be part of the CTI community. Every day, folks stopped by and asked about you. You are so loved. Friday night, we had a CTI party...great success, with Rick as emcee. In his element!

Where do we go and why? My answer would have to be "I don't want to bother you". It's not a very good answer, is it? I'll be at the Mother Tree a couple of times this month and I will be calling to see if I can stop by to see you and Judy.

Besides being a coach, I'm a birth doula who provides physical and emotional support to a mom and her partner. My friend, Stephanie, calls me a "coming and going" coach. Birth and death---essence occasions. I have been honored to attend both.

I am praying for you and Judy as you step into what's next. May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Love,
Debra

Tuesday, November 07, 2006 7:14:00 AM

 
Anonymous Barbara S said...

Dear Laura

I just read Helen's post and wondered how she got inside my head - and I’m sure others too? It’s all there in the level 3 and she hit so many nails on the head it feels like a pincushion.

Oh being human can just be so darned human! In hard life situations I can agonize over doing, saying, being, having, thinking the right thing to the point that I am sometimes paralyzed from doing anything. Kind of like a deer in the headlights and all I want to do is hide.

So how to get to a place of thoughtful, mindful, kindness, compassion and courage. Where I can be with whatever is there without worrying about getting it ‘right’.

I think of you often. Not just of the fight for your life but of the impact you have on the world even while fighting that fight. Asking hard questions, having us search our hearts and souls for answers. And being vulnerable (I know that's been a real edge for you!) and asking for support, love, energy and receiving it with grace and courage.

As I write I'm aware of the critic in my mind whispering I shouldn't go on too long, or I might write something silly, boring, thoughtless . . . And of the voice from my heart that wants to pour out love, wishing you whatever you need in your fight, wanting you to feel the energy, caring and love and believing it matters.

I want to share what I saw driving home this afternoon. It's been raining hard for several days but late this afternoon the sun finally peaked through the clouds and lit the mountains with a golden light. There was mist rising up in lines along the crests of the mountains and big dramatic clouds in the sky. Strangely, some clouds were white bathed in golden light and others were dark grey. The water in the inlet reflected the light and it was all so beautiful it took my breath away. Just close your eyes and imagine it. Love B:}

Tuesday, November 07, 2006 6:00:00 PM

 
Blogger Lora Banks Ley said...

Hello Laura and Judy:

I am just running out to a parent/teacher conference and wanted to drop you a line to say thank you for the pumpkin (and that glass of organic red wine Judy).

But the pumpkin. The kids had a blast with that pumpkin and were delighted that I picked it from your garden. They turned him into a jack-o-lantern, kind of "scary but mostly nice," according to Bradley. We lit 'em for halloween and he has just recently gone to the compost pile.

I wanted to send you a hand written note all proper and all so know that the intention was there and the computer was just plain easier!

Love to you both,


Lora

Thursday, November 09, 2006 2:38:00 PM

 
Blogger Shekinah Shephard said...

Dear Laura, Judy and Blog buddies,

Wow, what wonderful wonderings about where we go, thank you all, especially Helen, you say the most AMAZING things.

Back to Where we Go... A Story on Myself, the other day I was on the phone and Clive puts a note in front of me that "Claire Steinke Died". WOW, i looked in shock at the note and what immediately went thorugh my mind was "Why haven't I spoken to her in the last 6 months, what happened, she wasn't sick the last time I talked with her? How could this happen, I did not get to say Good-Bye, I should have connected more often with her.."

I did not know that Claire was sick, she was an old time friend of about 25 years an old IBM colleague, that I have kept in touch with over the years as she retired over 15 years ago. I kinda lost touch with her in the last year.. and then she died. It was pretty sudden, diagnosed with Ovanian cancer that went to her liver and she died within 2 months of her diagnosis.

So it is not just going away from those that are terminally ill. It is losing touch with old friends and then hearing that they are no longer there, over, done, you can never talk with them again. It was a shock to me. Today I received a photo of her in the mail sent to me by her life partner, I cried for Claire, for myself, for not staying in connection, for not being there for her, for not saying Good-Bye.

I immedately went through my address book to see who else I may have forgotten. Those little wake up calls are helpful. I am remembering a wonderful woman who meant a lot to me and I grieve for her passing and I grieve for disappearing on her this last year.

Laura, I hear from your post that you are not feeling good this week. You are in my thoughts and I am sending you my love and wishes for relief from pain and suffering. May it be So ! ! ! !


Love and Blessings to all,


Shekinah

Thursday, November 09, 2006 6:04:00 PM

 
Anonymous Brenda Dahlie said...

Dear Laura - thinking of you and loving you as you make your way through these challenging days. And in the quiet of this evening, hear our collective breathing with you; feel our loving companionship; and be soothed by our tender and supporting thoughts. Just like the stars in the sky - we're here.

Love,
Brenda

Thursday, November 09, 2006 9:38:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Laura

I just spent a few minutes with Helen's posting. Ouch. I go away for all those reasons. Putting a posting here just shows the world my mundane self ("Is that all she could think of to say? At a time like this?"). Yes, sometimes all I have to say is that I think about you ALL THE TIME. Every other minute or five minutes or half a day. I get scared. I can't imagine a world where you aren't out there kicking ass. And I leave space for the brilliant people to say something brilliant that will move you into good health.

So maybe going away is also a kind of pretending - this ain't happening, I am not really needed here, my bit isn't going to make any difference anyway.

OK. I learned about all those lies in leadership, didn't I?

I am here now. I will practice staying present and growing staying present. I can be with scary.


My love to you Laura

Lynne

Friday, November 10, 2006 7:42:00 AM

 
Anonymous Debra Martin said...

Dear Laura,

Just read your post this evening. I told Karen KH that I wanted to stop and see you on Sunday when I'm up at the Mother Tree. She thought you might be leaving for Mexico soon. And, now I see it is tomorrow. How do I show up? In my "holding" of what is, what can be, what is still to come. I am praying fervently for you. Just know that you are being held in love and in faith.

Love,
Debra

Saturday, November 11, 2006 10:12:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Hi Laura,

I will be thinking of you as you leave for Mexico, the clinic, the treatments, the questions, the answers and all that you will deal with. I join with your many friends to send you off with words to lift you up, buoy you as if on our shoulders. I see this group as being a throng.....and I like the power of that.

Interesting that you ask about 'showing up.' My husband and I were at the community Veterans parade today, handing out cards school kids had made for Veterans. A man came up, he looked like a, well, homeless man. He said to my husband, "You look like Clyde Blakely." It turned out to be a friend that Clyde had not seen in more than 25 years and Clyde hardly recognized him. After the parade we took him with us for some lunch, pie, etc. and just to talk. We don't know exactly what his circumstance is yet, but do know he spent about 5 years in a mental institution. His memory was amazing but in real time he was confused. Clyde's appearance is quite different from when they had been friends and it was amazing that he would even recognized Clyde with hair turned gray, beard, etc. Our conversation on the way home was thinking of what we should do, what we can do, but most of all that Clyde definitely needs to try to follow up on this guy, try to make contact with him again. I guess this may be one of the ways to 'show up' for someone, not letting this one occasion and lunch together let us feel like, well we did our part and that's that, all neat and tidy.

As for week before you, I will pray that the travel goes smooth and that your body outperforms all expectations!

Love & hugs,

Emily

Saturday, November 11, 2006 11:39:00 PM

 
Anonymous Barbara S said...

Dear Laura

Mexico calls and the cancer in your liver will get zapped. Your body will need all the strength and support it can get.

*****Healing Energy going to Laura & her liver*****

You keep digging and prodding us, Laura. Showing up! It's more than just being present although sometimes that is what is called for and needed.

So maybe it's 'really' being present, reading the level 3 and stepping up to what is being called for. Asking - what do you need? what does the situation need? what does the space need? what do I need? Those are my first thoughts.

And Laura, you are in my prayers and thoughts every day. Keep up the fight, don't tie all the loose ends and take care. Love B:}

Sunday, November 12, 2006 1:01:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Laura,

Not sure about your questions...I dont know, I just go where I go and that is about as deep as I can get tonight. Sending you all my love and healing prayers for a safe and successful trip to Mexico. I will come and visit you when you get home if you will have me and we can talk about anything you like. For now... sending you love and more love and some bright white light too.

laura h.

Sunday, November 12, 2006 6:02:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Laura,

I don't know what I want to say about showing up--and I think you're asking great questions. More to ponder here.

I also hear you asking for a sentence, for connection, for conversation--so maybe my writing now even though I don't have much to say is actually one way to show up....

I am here and I hear you and I want you to know that.

In this moment, I wish you strength, healing and love on your trip to Mexico.

Love, Hope

Sunday, November 12, 2006 10:17:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Laura

First, Here is to loose ends! May they never be tidied up.

Second, showing up: At first I thought it meant just being present. Listening. There is more though. It is about letting my heart hang wide open and take all the pain and joy that is in the space. That is the part I hold back on. It can feel to me like splitting wide open and that scares me. Maybe I fear being Humpty Dumpty and no one will be able to put me together again.

There is more. But that is what I know about showing up at this moment in time.

I can be physically present but I want to hold my pieces together too.

Loving you and seeing you strong in Mexico.

Lynne

Monday, November 13, 2006 10:25:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Laura,

I am wishing you strength, vitality, and a clear channel of communication to the wisdom of each cell in your body as you travel to Mexico for complete healing. This is possible.

Love,
Maia Zohara

Monday, November 13, 2006 3:16:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Laura, (jen here)

First, like others on this blog, I want to raise a toast to "loose ends". I have an opinion that I wouldn't be living well if I didn't leave behind a few loose ends. Regrets, now, there's another matter, but loose ends just means you've been knitting.

On the topic of where people go... I don't know where other people go. I can speak for myself, a little. For some people in my life, it's been easy to show up for them in illness and distress, and for others, it's been hard. Part of this question for me is about acquaintances or distant friends. If someone I don't even see regularly, someone who I wouldn't call up to go for lunch with, if that someone becomes ill, am I then supposed to visit them? Mostly, I have not been much help to people in that category. For close friends and family, ah hell, it seems to me like I do too much. I help them move, I help them take mates to hospitals, I do all that stuff. And then sometimes I regret it when I find they have no interest in helping me in a similar situation. That's a hard one for me. Not like it was a deal--you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. It's just that when my back needs scratching and they're not there--it sucks. I also find it hard to show up for people who don't do whatever they can to get the help that is available to them more easily. Just being deadly honest here, hope that's ok. So, when I took care of an aging family member who couldn't be bothered to get a housekeeper, when I came to visit, I did housekeeping. And this was someone who could afford it. It really bugged me--not the housekeeping, I never seem to mind it in someone else's home--but how little they valued my time, that I was just a substitute for someone they could have paid $12/hour for. So that's a factor for me in helping someone too. Sounds petty, but it's true for me.

As to your question about showing up--what does it mean to show up? I think the heart of it for me is about honesty. It can't be about doing my best all the time because damn that's just hard work. Too tiring to sustain over time. And I don't think that showing up can be just as simple as being somewhere in the flesh, or writing long letters, or, in this case, posting to the blog.

And I don't think "showing up," in the case of someone who needs support, means blindly doing whatever is asked or expected. Neither does it mean standing idly by. There are no innocent bystanders... maybe before the wreck, OK, but not after.

So... there's honesty in there somewhere and there's engagement, and for me, especially when we're talking about showing up for someone who is ill, there's always that dancing back and forth across the line of codependency, helpfulness, victimhood, service, martyrdom, duty, helplessness, boundaries, and healthy self-care. All that stuff people write books about.

That's my two cents on those topics.

I want to share a couple of items of beauty. First, I was at my property the other day. Stormy day, but there was a break in the clouds, so the bluff was bathed in sunlight and I got to look out over the lake to snow-dusted mountains and big fluffy grey and white storm clouds. Then the clouds came down from the north across the lake and the cloud became the lake, and snowflakes drifted over me and I had to stop myself from breaking into a Julie Andrews song. Even though my feet were cold, such beauty always empties me and fills me up with something lighter. What a great thing to be able to be emptied out by a storm on a lake.

I came across this poem by Denise Levertov, and as I read it now again I can feel the wiggling of loose ends in it. Hope you like it.

Living
=======
The fire in leaf and greass
so green it seems
each summer the last summer.

The wind blowing, the leaves
shivering in the sun,
each day the last day.

A red salamander
so cold and
so easy to catch, dreamily

moves his delicate feet
and long tail. I hold
my hand open for him to go.

Each minute the last minute.

---------------

Much love to you bright one. And a prayer for all who heal you, may their hands be deft, their hearts full of love, their decisions wise. May they, and you, find the peace inside of every movement.

Love,

-jen

Monday, November 13, 2006 8:39:00 PM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

Dear Laura -

HUZZAH!!

Just back from Boston and read your new posting about Mexico, what is it to 'show up', and loose ends. After your posting I read all the new ones from everyone else too. Random thoughts compete for space here... I'll just let 'er rip.

FIRST - WOW. Mexico... liver... BREATHING.
SECOND (and connected) - This 'WE' space that's getting created here.

Interesting that you were on the roster for being a leader in the conversation at the ICF conference on "Moving from I to We"... yet Rick stood in for you and the 'we' was served. Here we are again on the blog, moving from relationships of each of us to you and you to us, into a great big 'WE' space. I feel us collectively holding you over here. I feel the web of thought and ideas and healing and inspiration growing ever stronger. We are inspiring each other - all of us! We're not just waiting for you to inspire us... or hoping that we might touch you. It feels strong - like something you can really lean on and lean into as you journey towards health and Mexico. Hallelujah! We're here. Keep leaning. WE can do this!!

As for showing up - there's much to ponder here. First thoughts are about how after the relief of saying "here's where I go" out loud passes, the call to show up feels strong. It shows up in not second guessing before posting here. It shows up as claiming we're a WE holding you and the questions collectively. It shows up as "staying" with the impact in the moments after saying something really powerful in a workshop. It shows up as telling my sweetheart that I love him so much it scares me, instead of thinking I'd better not. It shows up as hugging my daughter when faced with a D- on her report card, because she miraculously pulled up from the E she was headed for, instead of freaking out at her for her grades.

This all brings up a challenge I run into: It goes something like.... What's my obligation to stay once I show up? Example: I lead a workshop and show up powerfully. I see people. They feel seen and know. I lean into the relationship and we're all a bit transformed by that. Then I go away. Meanwhile, their loved ones may rarely 'show up' in the way they experience in our workshops, yet they STAY. They have what it takes to be there no matter what. To SHOW UP just by BEING THERE... day after day.

Ideally, I think we want it all. We want people to show up powerfully again and again AND have the staying power that will sustain us. Yet, I'm not sure if it's a realistic expectation. I know I truly don't have time to stick around and be there for all the people I show up for, yet I don't want to only reserve my showing up for the people that I'm willing to give that time to. Does this make any sense?

I bring all this up because I think it's part of the gremlin conversation that we have with ourselves about showing up in the first place. None of this feels very coherent, but it's stirring up a lot of stuff. I'll think on it some more and see how it irons out.

All circuits are firing. You are held and loved. I stand by your side as you fight this next battle. I will keep showing up... And I will STAY.....

Loving you heaps!

Helen

Monday, November 13, 2006 9:13:00 PM

 
Anonymous Maria Garza-Lennon said...

Hi, Dear Laura - I pray that your stay in Mexico provides you the healing you need. I pray for it everyday. And I pray that you are comfortable in the process.

To your question: What is it to Show up? I think we all have our own definition of what it means to show up. What's important, I believe, is understanding what is the definition for the person for whom you want to show up. Suppose they expect Showing up to be frequent calls or visits or financial assistance, and all I'm doing is reading or posting to a blog? Or they just want to be called once a week but I want to be there holding their hand? It's easy to see how we could miss each other completely and experience some hurt and resentment as a result. On a personal note, I remember when I had my babies, I didn't want visitors in the hospital. I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep and bond with my baby. When a good friend of mine had her baby, I called and sent a gift and was feeling pretty good about myself...until in passing one day she mentioned how it had been so lonely at the hospital and how she would have loved to have some company. So, I try to not superimpose my "showing up" template on others, yet I do it anyway because I'm human and I forget. So, a question for you, Laura, is How do you want us to show up for you? What is it you need so that you feel that we are here for you?

Again, I pray for you, Judy, your A team and all of us who are just trying to get it right on your behalf. May we succeed.

Lots of Love. Maria Garza-Lennon

Tuesday, November 14, 2006 8:01:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi dear Laura--I've been away from home for 11 weeks and am feeling like a turtle, carrying home with me in my heart (just wish I could pack a little more home in my bulging duffel). the question "what makes you go away?" is of course compelling. I go away a lot in terms of having my voice audible in the mix. I am zestfully busy, loving my work which you had such a powerful hand in creating, and the days whiz by and I realize oh gee, I haven't been on the blog in a while. but there is this: I send you love and white light every day. because of you and Ilene, I call my father and mother every single day from wherever I am. because of you, I take better care of myself. because of you, I have my radar pointed to pick up bigger games wherever they are in my world and am a fierce stand for the concept of being pulled toward who you're becoming by what you care about most passionately. My physical presence isn't with you. My voice is not with you often enough. but my heart is here always.

I love you Laura, and always will--caroline

Tuesday, November 14, 2006 8:58:00 AM

 
Anonymous Karen KH said...

Hi Laura:

Thinking of you and missing you on this beautiful sunny day. By now you are on your way to Mexico and I'm wanting to breathe you on your way with tenderness and love and prayers.

On the question of where do we go and how do we show up. . .I think that there is a way that we both crave and fear our own humanity. ..or own falibility and the sense of impermanence that the whole idea of death brings. .. we're not given to trusting those things we cannot see and touch. Heck, I have a challenge trusting the things I CAN see and touch. ..let alone the unseen. . .so as I weave my way through this particular physical manifestion, what I notice is that I touch into my own humanity and then back away from it again. ..and then touch in and so on and so forth. . .I'd love to say that each time I stay a little longer. ..but that would be, ummm. ..inaccurate. However, I do notice that over time, I'm more able to be present with both my own magnificence, the raidiance of my soul and the incredible fraility of my human-ness. . .and to be more present with that in others.

Thanks for the looking and the opportunity to engage in an interesting conversation mid day.

Picture me with my pom poms at the ready!

Love you,

Karen

Tuesday, November 14, 2006 1:56:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Laura,

This is my first time on your BLOG and I'm blown away with all the geat entries and provocative questions. Where to begin.....first, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sending you love, warmth, healing and strength. I am glad that you were able to go to Mexico and I look forward to hearing about your journey and progress when you are able.

Now to your question - where do people go? Experiencing my good friend's 10 year journey with cancer, we discussed a similar topic. She was disappointed about the many disappearances. My take is that people get scared of the unknown and have a hard time getting close to the pain of it all. The ups/downs and the uncertainty of their own mortality. What was interesting is noticing all the people who did show up. People who she recently met - who were acquaintances.
There were very few people she leaned into...I felt so fortunate that I was one of them and able to be of service to her. I just love the way you inviting people into your theater of life. I have to be honest with you, I wasn't sure if I should be writing in your blog, silly isn't it. Good thing I didn't listen to that strange voice.
Laura you have touched my life and the lives of many others. Keep fighting baby, the otters aren't tidy yet!

Love,
Karen Steckler
From the Otter Tribe

P.S. Happy Belated 59th Birthday

Tuesday, November 14, 2006 10:06:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Laura,

It's Kim here..showing up. : )

What does it mean...showing up... Lots of things. And for me right now it means sharing what I am learning about "showing up" with as many people as I can so that they have a better chance of consciously showing up when they need to..now and in the future with who knows what. It is a great question to ponder on and be curious about, and you are as always a great teacher to so many. Thank YOU for showing up on this topic!!

Love to you and see you SOON!

Kim

Wednesday, November 15, 2006 5:52:00 PM

 
Anonymous Jeanne Cunningham said...

Dear Laura:

Where do people go? Where do I go? How do I show up and how do I not show up?

It's easy to come up with many reasons to go away, especially when someone is ill. Few of us (in this culture) are comfortable with the serious illness or dying.

I learned in my hospice training that floor nurses take much longer to respond to the call bell of dying patients than patients who are not dying. And these are trained health care professionals. We just don't want to face death, it's a taboo subject. Don't go there. Don't show up there.

As for my own "disappearance", at least for the last 2 months from this blog, I will have to give that some thought. Busy, yes. Checking in, yes. But not posting, why?

My prayers and healing thoughts are will you and with your liver in Mexico.

XO Jeanne C

Wednesday, November 15, 2006 8:56:00 PM

 
Anonymous Theresa Norris said...

Dear Laura

Thank you.

People (and me) often disappear because we are simply become afraid of being seen. We are seldom taught growing up that by being with death, illness, failure and extreme change we are also in a very normal part of creating life. I don’t actually think we fade or disappear we just drink the magic potion of the story we tell ourselves and then we quit calling with the story of Oh she is busy or she doesn’t need me or the I don’t want to be a bother stuff. When faced with so called nasty or heart wrenching things that make up life we become intimidated, impotent and invisible. In our culture we continuously design the story of the perfection of life and living which is also a good thing when it is good. As for showing up, I cannot get away from myself even if I don’t call write or e-mail. When my little sister had lung cancer I was ‘in your face showing up’ I am glad that I was there, I didn’t know I was showing up I thought I was just loving her. Sometimes showing up just happens. Before she departed toward her journey on one of those days she used a huge two words and those words were –My sister. A massive acknowledgment for me…and two words representing who she was and is in the world, in her community and in my heart now.

Wishing you your dreams, Theresa

Thursday, November 16, 2006 1:55:00 AM

 
Blogger Shekinah Shephard said...

Dear Laura,

It was wonderful to hear your voice all the way form Mexico the other night as the A team got a chance to hear how you are doing. You sounded tired and yet you showed up, both you and Leslie found a way to get a phone working to check-in. i am grateful for that.

It was wonderful to hear that you arrived safely and you have so many wonderful people there who care about how you are doing and I know that you are well taken care of. The doctos are really showing up for you.

Your A Team is showing up for you. Your network is showing up for you. The dialog that started about showing up, is helping me to show up more fully in my life wherever I may be emotionally. Sometimes just showing up physically is all one can do and that is enough.

For me it is about showing up with my full self, no matter what that looks like and no matter what I feel like.

Today it is showing up here on the blog because I am thinking of you and the A Team and the Bloggers that come here. I went to Spirit Rock the other evening to a dialog with Sylvia Boorstein and Bernice Goldman talking about the Psychological and the Spiritual challenges of Getting Old. The one take away form this evening was when Sylvia gave a definition of Spirituality which she defined as "Connection" - whether it be connection to self, others, community, the world.

What this brings up for me is the aspect of showing up is also about Connection.. and we all connect in many different ways, the way we are most comfortable; it could be sending cards; calling by phone; visiting; sending snail mail; so showing up is just connecting in a way that feels right for each individual. I know for me I love just calling in every now and again and saying hello to you and Judy by phone, sending cards, using the blog, hearing your voice on A team calls; and when possible seeing both you and Judy.. Taking hikes with Judy is one of my favorite things to do.

I love the connection on the blog, I feel a deep connection with every person that comes here, as if we are all connecting. When I went to your party there were a number of people there who knew me because of the blog and who I knew because of the blog, it is like we are all showing up here and connecting in a very tender way.

So that is my musings for the day. Sending you lots of love and light from the East Bay.

Sending you wishes for healing this week and strength so that your trip back is wonderful in every way.

May You Be Healthy and Strong
May You Be Joyful
May You Be Peaceful
May You Feel Love

In Joy and Gratitude,

Shekinah

Thursday, November 16, 2006 10:48:00 AM

 
Anonymous Mary Driscoll said...

Dear Laura:
Thinking of you, hoping you are healing, thanking you for the community you have inspired, realizing a dream for connection, wishing for all of us a generosity of spirit...My tears are real for you - for me...
I think of you often and wish for you health for your body, peace/serenity for your mind, and sweetness/kindness for your spirit...
Love,
Mary

Thursday, November 16, 2006 1:41:00 PM

 
Anonymous Barbara S said...

Stopping by, saying hi, I'm thinking of you, sending you loving thoughts, and a heartfelt prayer. Holding the space.

I'm thinking there should be a song called "50 Ways to Love your Liver". :))))) Love B:}

Friday, November 17, 2006 10:30:00 PM

 
Blogger Zoe Windsor said...

Sending you love and holding you in my thoughts.

I have been away healing. I had a very painful attack and discovered I had gallstones and then I got pancreatisis a week after and then had my gallbladder removed. Wow it was in a bad state. I’ve spent quite a lot of time in hospital recently. So it seems I still don’t deal well with anger, frustration – well I have never been known for my patience that’s for sure! So I am looking and exploring how to be powerful with it so it doesn’t keep taking a toll on my body. Not doing brilliantly with it at the moment and I’ll get there.

Thought of you while I was in there. I was like wow so this is what it is like to have IV’s sticking out everywhere…this is what it is like to not know what on earth is going on…this is what it is like to choose faith and belief and knowing in the midst of something that can totally unground me…and this is how important support, laughter and love is…people reaching out.

Love you
Zoe xx

Saturday, November 18, 2006 4:47:00 AM

 
Blogger Melissa O'Mara said...

Hi Laura, and all,

I sure hope all is going well in Mexico, and our prayers for you continue. You show up for me everyday, you are in my head, and in my heart as I continue the Bigger Game work in the world, at work, at home, everyday... So you show up for me, and yet I know how extra good it feels to get a "Hey Babe" e-mail or phone call - a special form of showing up...

So, there are lots of forms of showing up, and I have my preferences. Thank you for making me think a bit more about this. One thing I am noticing now is that I have a lot of people to "show up" for, and one of them is my husband, who is pretty lonely these days (he can't drive right now b/c of seizures - he's feeling pretty homebound). And it makes me think about how we sometimes don't even "show up" for ourselves! And how we can't always have the energy to "show up" for everyone that could use that energy, lest we have nothing left to give... Hmmm, and yet sometimes showing up gives energy back... Yet I am thinking about some of the harder places (not here) to show up, and I am learning as I think about it. I don't show up for my in-laws often because I don't have the reserves.

It is an interesting question, and I will be pondering it more. Thank you again Laura, for posing these questions. Learning always, and engaging us all in the learning along the way.

Back to YOU. I know this is serious business, and I admire your fight. And I actually just as much admire that you are still "you" when you can pull away from the fight. You are still very much living, loving and leaving your legacy, as you have been for so very long.

Thank you, for being who you are. We love you,

Melissa

Saturday, November 18, 2006 8:57:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Hi Laura,

Not sure just when you will be returning from Mexico, but imagine it will be soon. I can bet how grateful you will be to be back home, your own bed, all your familiar home sounds. Good medicine to refresh the body and soul, so welcome home! I will look forward to hearing from you here on the blog when you feel up to working the keys a little, and to continue the dialogue. Thanks for bringing these topics to the forefront and giving us the opportunity to consider them from your perspective, or ours, or others.

Love, Emily

Saturday, November 18, 2006 9:06:00 PM

 
Blogger Lora Banks Ley said...

Laura and Judy -

Aloha on your travels around the world for whatever reasons, just aloha. I already said thank for the pumpkin, so thank you for the pumpkin.

I went to a party this afternoon to celebrate the end of Bradley's soccer season. Just to remind you, he is the one who is six. And of the nine families that were there, we learned that two of them, and they are very young families are facing cancer.

One woman in her thirties is a teacher at our school, had breast cancer a couple of years ago that is now lung cancer. She is not even 40! Another is a dad who went to the doctor two weeks ago with a stomach ache to find out he had colon and rectal cancer. His doctors say he has had cancer in his liver for 10-15 years "asymptomatic." How can that be?

This dad has two young children. He will go to the doctor on Monday to find out "how long he has." He has alredy been told that he is "terminal." I told the family about you, and your fight, and the alternative medicine. I told them what you told me when I came to visit, that there is an expert and I forget his name but you will remind me, that can speak about treatments and what really works. His liver is really toxic and he has received the death sentence. Can this be accurate?

I don't know why I write tonight be cause it is off subject. This is not about where people go. It is about how pervasive is this demon called cancer and maybe it is about where we go. If we face the demon to be with someone else, will he come get us? I am not a drama queen, but how scary is that?

So, I told my friends about you and I am going to need to tap you as a resource for them. You know a lot. You know the right questions to ask. You know the right people. You know about the fight and I am going to need to call you or come by to tap your knowledge.

However they live or move on to another place, I want very much for them to have the right information. I doubt that you are feeling strong enough to save the world but don't be surprise if people, like me, want to know what you know about the fight.

As my six year old, and my eight year old and my eleven year old would say, "It's just not fair."

Ok, so its not. And what I can I do to be a resource to my friends? My very young friends? Is this in the upcoming book?

Much love and curiosity,



Lora

Saturday, November 18, 2006 11:19:00 PM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

Dear Laura,

Happy Sunday to you! So many great posts on the blog lately. I love that each time I check in there seem to be at least 5 more people that show up. We're holding your rope while you clear out the gunk in Mexico. Go Laura Go!

You may know that my brother Sam's son, Nate, played in the NY state finals for soccer yesterday. He's a senior, co-captain of the team and the team has been the underdog all the way to the end. I was thinking about the 'where do people go?' and 'what is it to show up?' questions today and grinning as I thought about Nate on that field. Sam reports that the students got so inspired by this underdog team that they became rabid fans. They followed them all over the state, dressed in orange, cheering their made-up cheers, forming a band to play for the team. The more rabid the fans became, the harder the team fought...the harder they fought, the more rabid the fans became! Again and again they kept winning from behind. From the outside, statistics, track record etc, it looked like they should have lost long ago. But dang if they didn't make it into the final four. In yesterday's game they held strong until the very last minute of the game when the other team scored. They lost that game, but they played it hard till the absolute end.... and the end was SO much farther out than any statistics could have predicted. I wonder about that last minute...... Did they stop showing up? Did the fans stop cheering? Or had they just met their match, the other team showed up fully too, and one of them had to go sliding, skidding, squealing into the lead, and it just happened to be the other team - this time. I suspect it's the latter.

I'm feeling like one of your rabid fans over here. Dressed in Laura colors (ooh... what colors should we wear team?).... playing the tuba in the Laura band... cheering the 'Fight the Fight' cheers... singing our made up songs.... believing all the way... and the further you go, the harder and louder we'll cheer... some fans won't be able to get to the away games, but they'll keep themselves posted and root for you and the A-team from wherever they are.... Go Laura Go!! Can't wait to hear the cheers from your victory parade after kicking cancer's ass in Mexico!!

Lovin' you LARGE from Michigan!!

xo,
Helen

Sunday, November 19, 2006 10:56:00 AM

 
Blogger Art Shirk said...

Hi Laura sweetheart,

When I think of what it means to show up, what comes to mind first is the messiness of showing up -- that a true showing up, beyond just making the appearance of showing up -- for me seems to entail a full willingness to be foolish or look stupid or be awkward or something like that. Because for me -- and of course this is just one version of this -- it is the flip side of not showing up --- sometimes I get caught by the limiting force of "...if you show up there it will be uncomfortable, or you'll look foolish, or you won't know what to say...." And so, often the showing up is the stepping through those doubts.

I'm thinking of you in Mexico, wondring if you are yet home... thinking about Judy and her brilliant smile, loving heart and warm hug. I send you both my love.

Art

Monday, November 20, 2006 6:04:00 AM

 
Anonymous Debra Martin said...

Hi Laura,

Well, I guess you can tell that we are all anxiously awaiting your return. I know that I am looking forward to hearing what has been going on in Mexico. Every time, so far, you have been lifted up by that experience. I hope it is true this time as well.

This Thanksgiving week, I am grateful for you...and not for all that you've done but for all that you are.

Love,
Debra

Monday, November 20, 2006 6:51:00 PM

 
Anonymous Stacy Gorin said...

Dear Laura,
As Thanksgiving fast approaches, I want to take the time to remember you and give thanks once more to you, my teacher and the one that help guide me on the incredible journey that began over 5 years ago with IBM in Dallas, Texas. As I continue to coach and be coached and to learn and grow, I am so very thankful to you and Rick, for being such a huge part of my learning. As you continue along your journey, I want you to know that you are in my prayers and in my heart. I am so glad that you remain curious, continue to have unfinished business and continue your fight. Please remember how many of us you have touched and truly made such a diference in our lives. With much love and healing, Stacy

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 2:08:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi There Laura W.

Thinking about you and hoping you are feeling better with each moment. Sending you lots and lots of love.
When things get scary for me or I need a change in perspective...I imagine eternity...what is it...how does it feel...what does it look like...can I taste it...can I hear it...can I experiance eternity right now...this helps me so much I wanted to share it with you too.. maybe you can find some peace here...experimenting with eternity. I do.

I love you.

laura h.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 3:37:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Hi Laura,

Hope that this coming day for thanksgiving is for you full of awareness that many loving hands are here holding you. Savor that the countless ripples you have sent out over time have become great waves that are ever returning to you.

A friend sent me this message that I will share and hope it will bring you a smile!

May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump,
May your yams be delicious,
May your pies take the prize.
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs. :)

Waves of love, Emily

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 10:32:00 PM

 
Blogger C.J. Hayden said...

Here on Thanksgiving Eve, I wanted to post some thanks to Laura for the fabulous session you helped design at the St. Louis ICF conference. We missed having you deliver it personally, and Rick did a fabulous job with it. He brought your presence into the room at the beginning by speaking of you and your intentions for the session, and we could all feel you there with us.

The session sparked some deep and meaningful conversations, both there in the room, and afterwards with the people who participated when we saw each other again around the conference. I know you would have loved that part.

Your session was the best breakout I attended at the conference this year. And your contribution to the concept and design of it is what made it so.

Thanks for once again creating a space for coaching and coaches to grow and stretch into. You were there and you were missed at the same time.

-- C.J.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006 8:43:00 AM

 
Blogger Shekinah Shephard said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you and Judy
Happy THanksgiving to you and Judy
Happy Thanksgiving to you and Judy,
Happy Thanksgiving to you and Judy,

And Many More......... hear the song in there?

All my love and gratefulness to you and Judy for being in my life.

Laura, May you have many Pain Free moments this Holiday and May you Enjoy some of the great Thanksgiving treats I am sure are awaiting you.

I spent a heartfelt day at Zen Hospice at Laguna Honda Hospital in the City yesterday. I had lunch with the residents and volunteers there. It was joyful to be in the presence of such love and compassionate care. As I sat with a few of the residents, and held their hands and looked into their eyes, all else just disappeared .... in that moment I connected with another human being and we were very much showing up for one another. This brought me great joy and filled my soul with happiness to be able to share and experience such love in the moment.

I also want to send a note of Thanks to all who come to the Blog and share their ideas, love, compassion, with all of us. I am deeply grateful for all of you.

In Joy and Gratitude,


Shekinah

Wednesday, November 22, 2006 2:28:00 PM

 
Blogger Lora Banks Ley said...

Thanksgving evening and just wondering where you are and how you are. Are you back home? Are you in Mexico? What does it mean to show up? I think you can tell we are all missing you here on the blog and I know from our recent visit, sometimes there just isn't enough energy left for the computer.

Maybe Judy could drop in a note. I know for me when I don't hear your voice for awhile, it is easy to go down the rabbit hole of darkness and wonder where you are, if you hurt, or are tired, or sad, or fighting, or mad, or trying to muster the energy to lead a retreat. Doesn't really matter the topic or the length or the eloquence but would really love to hear you, and if I get to dream, would really love to hear that you are having a beautiful, warm, joy-filled, pain-free day Thanksgiving 2006 surrounded by love and loved ones.

I appreciate you. Happy Thanksgiving.

Love,


Lora
lora@TheCoachApproach.net

Wednesday, November 22, 2006 7:13:00 PM

 
Anonymous Brenda Dahlie said...

Dear Laura -

Creamy moments.... being mindful.... sitting in silence and just noticing Life in that moment. I have a sense of peacefulness in your heart and your soul. I wonder if that is so?

I hear you saying Yes to more of those creamy moments and to the universes contained in them. And then being pulled back by the physical pain that is like an "uninvited guest that is staying too long" (acknowledgments to Rumi). The "What Is" for you these days. The see-sawing back and forth between creamy and painful. Your heart and soul at peace, your body hurting, and your desire to stop the pain.

Laura, I recognize that you are experiencing a part of life's journey that I can only guess at from the outside. AND I can only hope to honour you by really hearing what your are expressing and sharing with us. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your sharing of what it's like to be you in this place and experience of dying - of letting go.

Wishing you more and more creamier moments of peacefulness.... and awe.

With immense love and gratitude,
Brenda

Thursday, November 23, 2006 10:10:00 AM

 
Anonymous Jeanne Cunningham said...

Dear Laura:

Happy Thanksgiving.

I was thinking about you a lot during the day today, so I was happy to see your post when I checked in.

XO Jeanne C

Thursday, November 23, 2006 12:51:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Hi Laura,

Just checking in, praying that you are feeling more rested each day, that today held more moments without pain, that your liver is healing and strength is gaining. May this day find you ahead in the fight!

A hug to you from Emily.

Thursday, November 23, 2006 9:37:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Laura dear:

Just checking in at he end of a beautiful Thanksgiving day here at Dillon Beach. Hope it was crystal at the meadow house too and that the sky was as blue.

Before heading off to bead, it's good to take a moment here on the blog and wrap my cyber arms around you and hold you tenderly.

Thank you for your most recent post and for reminding me to savor. . .it all. . .every single moment. The creamy ones and the ones that kick my butt

It truly is "all good".

Much love to yo sweetheart.

Karen

Friday, November 24, 2006 12:02:00 AM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

Hello Miss Laura,

Happy Day after Thanksgiving! How wonderful to read your post the other day, even though it sounds like life's got some hard bits in it these days.

People seem to love your notion of life being 'creamier' when you pay attention and alert to those moments we can easily take for granted. Me too. Funny how most of us don't take pain for granted or let it slip by un-noticed. For some that's possible... but I'm not so sure that's always a good thing.

Your posting inspired my most successful Thanksgiving feast EVER. I took nothing for granted, planned and prepared what I could ahead, and left lots of energy for savoring the entire process. I even allowed time for a leisurely morning the day after with down time, family time, and in between time. Life is sweeter... and creamier... when I allow time for it all.

Glad you're back. Sending you prayers and CHEERS for you to ease through any pain that pops up and to stay joyously awake to the moments when it's not there.

Love Love,

Helen

Friday, November 24, 2006 7:06:00 PM

 
Anonymous heather diddel said...

Upstate New York
Saturday night
11/225/06

Hey there, sweetpea - -

A few words from upstate New York where we have been holding you from afar with love and longing for your ease and health. I have been on the road a bit and printed out your blog ( your notes and the recent personal comments of your buddies) so that I could commune with you from the road when I didn't have easy access to the internet. It took just about the equivalent of a redwood tree just to print out your words of connection, tenderness, tough truth seeking, love, invitation...and it was worth every fiber.

You've been having one heck of a ride, haven't you?? ANd you have a tidal wave of support backing you up...Count me among the countless droplets in the ocean that carry you along....

I love Helen's description of Sam's and my son Nate's team and their truly inspired and inspiring fans. The fans dubbed themselves the Hooligans and have made headlines out here, for an unprecedented display of love and commitment to a team that needed both. The meld of the team's courage and reliance on the fans, and the fans' unceasing support for the team, no matter what the ups and downs were, are directly analogous to your situation, don't you think??? You inspire the same kind of rabid loyalty and love, in spades....

I have been a silent suporter for the last while, and got the message loud and clear that it is time to yell out loud and to keep dancing wiht you face to face -- so, know that I am here even when my slow, chicken pecking on the key board doesn't show up as often as my heart holds you close. I send deep love from multiple sources -- myself, Sam, and our two bambini who know you well through our stories and words ( and their memories of having met you at the Kimsey-HOuse wedding and then years later at the Mother Tree where you sweeetly ignored their polite offers to shake hands and instead went in for a hug, explaining that "We're in California and we hug!") - -

I will be back shortly to join in the juicy conversation about where we all go ....

Holding you ,your sweetheart and your personal tribe of hooligans fiercely, tenderly and relentlessly -- Heather

Heather

Saturday, November 25, 2006 7:35:00 PM

 
Blogger Harper Mann said...

Hi Laura,
Hesteah and the kids and I drove up to Portland this week to be with my mom and sister for Thanksgiving. We got out to Multnohmah falls where there was much water, even for Oregon, and happy moss and ferns. The Cascades are beautiful.
We had a good holiday and now we're back prepping for school and the work week. I was thinking about you and I was happy to see your blog after Mexico.
I hope you are feeling good right now. You are having quite a time of it. It's great how you connect with us and say what's happening. Hope to see you soon.
Much Love,
- Harper

Sunday, November 26, 2006 4:04:00 PM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

Dear Laura,

Hello my dear friend :)

Tonight I watched the DVD "The Secret". Have you seen it? The buzz of it has been in the air so many places I've been that I finally made the investment. Though it's nothing new, if you've been aware of the law of attraction etc, it's a great reminder of how powerful our thoughts are and how important it is to choose good ones.

Watching it led me to thinking of you and THE FIGHT. I was thinking that the real discipline is to keep visualizing your perfect health as if it is so RIGHT NOW. That our job is to stop visualizing the fight itself, because if we get what we put our thoughts and attention on, then we might just keep getting MORE fight rather than more health. The DVD makes it really clear that our job is to let those powers greater than us work out the HOW. Our job is to clearly visualize the end result we desire.

With that in mind, the way I'm fighting for you tonight is to visualize YOUR PERFECT HEALTH RIGHT NOW. (I invite anyone else reading this to do the same.) I am picturing you vibrant and glowing with freshly white eyeballs, a body free of pain, unwanted cells being whisked away effortlessly by a miraculous system that is healthy and vital and functioning fabulously. I see your liver supple and revitalized, filtering and moving all that passes through it like a superstar. I see All systems flowing, supporting your indomitable spirit housed in your fabulously healthy body.

Ooh yeah. It is so.

Loving you alive,

Helen

Monday, November 27, 2006 7:16:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Greetings, Laura, from the blanketed-in-snow hills of southern Oregon. My thoughts of you frequent and are glowing, warm thoughts of your absolute radiance. That definitely chases away the chills of winter we are feeling here and I am glad you are in a more temperate zone. Praying for your strength to be renewed, even at this midnight hour, for the day ahead.
Love always, Emily

Monday, November 27, 2006 11:55:00 PM

 
Anonymous Wendy Tryhorn said...

Ahh Laura:

What to say, where to start. I followed your blog so faithfully after R1, after Helen helped me find it. And I found it inspiring, and connecting, and wonderfully alive. And I wanted to post, but was afraid to impose, to take liberties with such a new relationship. And so I told myself I'd hold off until after R2. And then what?

I went away.

Yes it's true I'm inordinately busy. Starting my coaching practice, developing my niche, networking with the world.

AND it's true, I went away.

Why?

I think I tell myself that there are so many folks around you, it doesn't matter. I think I tell myself it's not my place, I am in Leadership your student and not a peer or a friend.

And yet I know how incredibly painful the going is.

I think of my Mom in the hospice. It wasn't so much that folks went away... it was that many never showed up, AND it was painful. Painful to look at a life lived in service to others, and notice that now when she needed support they weren't there. (And here I am not showing up.)

But for some of us we stayed. And in that time of staying - there was great love and learning, and celebration. And it is truly a time that I value as a great success, and a time when I was fully, and awesomely, in my power.

And so I know the lesson of not going, and the gifts of staying.

I think I chose to be an observer with you, so that I wouldn't own the responsibility of staying. I could silently pray, and cheer, and worry and celebrate, and when my "other life" needed attention, I could just as silently slip away. Of course you are calling me on it. Of course I am too.

It's not fear of the illness - with so much cancer in my family, I have come to see it as a blessing. It's a blessing because it grants us the gift of time, and the knowledge that it's we who choose how to spend or waste that time. Each of us will one day die. And for some, it will creep in with no portents, but for some of us there will be signs along the way to remind us of our own mortality - and cancer is one such sign.

Nor is it fear of the end. My belief in what comes after is an integral part of who I am and how I live. I view this current life, as analogous to primary school. We learn a lot, have lots of fun, make lots of friends, endure lots of trials, and once we learn what we were sent here for, we get to graduate! So while I don't wish to die, and I have so much living left to do, neither am I afraid of going when the time comes.

When my Mom passed (Jan 5, 2003) and my Dad (March 19, 2004) I wept. I wept for me. I wept for how much I missed them, and how much I still wanted to share and journey and learn from them. But what I held for them, was gratefulness, peace and grace. And I know, with everything that is in me, that one day we will again be together.

It may be in part that the path is not clear. My Mom's cancer was aggressive and terminal on diagnosis. We could freely and openly talk about life, choices, and endings. My Dad's cancer left a great deal of disability, and so while he lived 15 more years, we treated each and every one as a blessing and made sure we didn't waste the gift of time. We were able to speak frankly about the end, and the choices he wanted made, while we lived fully in the present and the time we had.

You are choosing to fight, and I want so desperately that your cancer will be expunged, and that the gift of time is a great and long one. So when and how do we discuss the hard stuff?

Just as my tears were all about me, my failure to show up with you, is all about me. Of this, I am ashamed. Ashamed because I know better. Ashamed because I am aware of the pain it causes. Ashamed because the Wendy that I choose to be is not this small.

And of course you are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. AND YOU have decided that the time to have the conversation is now. So I am now choosing to step forward, and be fully present!

With apologies for my tardiness.

And thanking you for the gifts you so graciously share.

Love
Wendy

Tuesday, November 28, 2006 10:02:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Laura:

What turned out to be a desire to reconnect after something like 15 years, and using the occasion of your birthday as an excuse, has turned into an extraordinary experience of inspiration, sadness, joy, doubt, self-examination, and so much more. I was so shocked to hear about the recurrence of the cancer. And delighted and amazed to learn of the powerful impact you have had on so many through your extraordinary work. And saddened to feel the pain that you’re feeling so much in your battle. And amazed that in your Birthday Pictures, you look so extraordinarily beautiful—it was difficult to grasp that this is the same person who’s waging her life-and-death battle through her blog. So Beautiful.

Of course, I still have a crush on you from the moment we first met in Werner Erhard’s office on California Street 20 years ago, so you’re just going to have to accept that!

I had been not only thinking about you so much recently, but singing your praises. It was partially an outgrowth of recently becoming aware of “The Secret” movie, and all that goes with it. It’s even “down here” in Palm Springs! I realized that you were on to those principles 16 years ago when I was one of your first coaching clients. You had me create my income for the coming year when I first went out on my own with my law practice. I couldn’t believe you were serious: how in the heck was I supposed to list who my clients were going to be for the coming year, let alone how much they were each going to pay me for my services?? Were you crazy? But nevertheless, I did so, and then forgot about it. What was that silly thing called “coaching” anyway. I don’t think I ever told you, but about 2 years later, I found that piece of paper, and it totally freaked me out (to use the vernacular of the time). Just about every one of the 15 or so people/companies I had listed had become clients, and the amount of income I received from each was nearly an exact match with what I had written down before the year began! Actually, the better words would be “totally frightened,” as I got that the “if” was gone from the phrase “If I could create that, then I could create anything!”

So it’s been 15 years, filled with lots of wonderful things, but I also realize it contained a certain withdrawal from life, from utilizing all of the gifts that you had revealed to me that The Creator had endowed me with. But now I’m READY! And I’m doing it NOW!! And I want to share that joy with you. And thankfulness that you created such an amazing opening in my life that while it’s taken me 15 years to gather up the courage to go through that door, the door is still there waiting for me.

I make a list every day of all of the people and things that I’m grateful for in my life. I want you to know that of course your name is on that list. And as I’m writing this, I just got that the list is NOT supposed to be about me, but rather it is an opportunity to send out the healing energy of prayer and Thanksgiving for everybody and everything on the list. So I’m doing that NOW. And adding another item to the list that I’m grateful for from you.

Thank you and Godspeed.

Know that you are cherished and loved my all, including me.

Steve Meyers

Tuesday, November 28, 2006 10:10:00 AM

 
Anonymous Mary Driscoll said...

Dear Laura:

Wishing you a peaceful day, lots of pain-free aware moments, a lightness of spirit, a sweetness with Judy...Since my life circumstances have changed so much in the last few months what I treasure most of late is my clarity, the light shining upon my spirit,
my awareness...So thank you again, Laura, for sharing your prescious moments and for letting in the love that surrounds you...

I love you,
Mary

Wednesday, November 29, 2006 5:19:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Dear One,

Today is beautiful blue sky day in Foster City, CA and I just took a walk about my life for just a second and entered a world of anticipation and got excited about the magical moments I'm sourcing. I have one of your past writings regarding savoring the moments pinned next to my computer and read it and I stop and I savor.

In your writing about the moments of being without pain, you reminded me to savor and feel LIFE! I've adopted a friend's philosophy and re-mind myself and re-member daily (and many times more frequently than that!) "I do not take lightly the choice each day to say YES to my life."

Today I say YES! YES! YES!

Loving you much, Laura and sending you healing thoughts and light and heart.
Pat O

Wednesday, November 29, 2006 4:23:00 PM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

Dear Laura,

Hey! Six more since I last checked. People are showing up. People are writing. People are showing up in their own lives AND for you. The postings are loving and bold and thoughtful and grateful. You have GOOD people in your life. Oooooh.... that's nice.

Fight the fight! woo Hoo!
Win the fight! Yee Haw!
To your health and life! ooh Yeah!

Picturing you on the Gold medalist's platform with your torch held high as you glow with radiant health and well-being. Yum yum. It is so.

Love from the frozen Nort,

Helen

Wednesday, November 29, 2006 9:39:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Laura, (Jen L here)

Just a quick note to say I am thinking of you. Glad to hear you are back from Mexico safe and mostly sound. Sorry to hear you are tired, and I suppose that is to be expected. Keep fighting!

We are in a patch of occasional snow flurries, very cold nights--the cats and dogs burrow under the covers with me, the horse is happy to be in the barn, and the eagles, well, they keep flying over the river. Good enough for me, for now.

Big hugs for you and Judy,

-jen

Thursday, November 30, 2006 1:26:00 PM

 
Blogger Shekinah Shephard said...

Dear Laura,

Thinking of you on this Friday morning, and hoping you got some sleep last night. Just wanted to echo all the love and warmth and say a BIG DITTO...

I am so sorry I missed the A Team call the other night, I was home reading a book and just got lost in a psychological thriller, it was pretty thrilling too, I just couldn't put it down, I did finish it that night. Glad I got that out of the way, now I can get my mind on the things that are important --- LIKE YOU -- and the A Team and Holiday --- and Loving all that is and cherishing the moments that come my way... like today.. the beauty and aliveness that winter bring in its desolation.

I love when everything sheds its leaves and all of Nature is bare to the core of its being and in her beauty and vulnerability she holds so much beauty and power. It is a reminder for me when I am naked how incredible powerful that is for me and those that surround me. It is in the vulnerability that we connect at such intimate levels.

Here's to getting NAKED and enjoying those MOMENTS of aliveness. YEAH YEAH...

Love and Joy,

Shekinah

Friday, December 01, 2006 10:30:00 AM

 
Anonymous Barbara S said...

Dear Laura

Thinking of you in Mexico, imagining your body fighting the cancer and work hard to get strong.

It is a 'winter wonderland' here in Vancouver - we have about a foot of snow. Very unusual and lovely.

Just wanted you to know I dropped by. Love B:}

Friday, December 01, 2006 1:56:00 PM

 
Anonymous Debra Martin said...

Dear Laura,

A whole group of students are here at CTI today learning how to be with what they can't be with.
And, I'm thinking of you and sending you prayers and love. May you feel hugged and wrapped.

Love,
Debra

Friday, December 01, 2006 2:48:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Laura, I see your Christmas sparkle already! Yeah, yeah.

Thank you for giving of your energy to give us word of how the fight is going, that you have the help you need and are held by loving hands. I don't think Oregon has anyone like Joseph or protocols available like he uses. It is wonderful that the protocols are helping in the fight.

Wow, you've had some great posts coming in that are so near to an actual physical touch and carry that kind of power.

Putting up Laura's tree......must have been one of the creamier moments. Enjoy!

Love, Emily

Friday, December 01, 2006 10:42:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Saturday a.m.
ungodly early/late
Upstate New York

Hey there, m'dear - -

I’ve had some beautiful moments just now communing with you through your blog, your personal notes ( which always go right to my heart) and the inspired and inspiring notes of the rowdy bunch who love you and take the time to show up on your blog. Yay, Rowdy Ones! Yay you, Laura, for keeping the life flow alive, rich and true. I say "flow", but it feels more like a joyously raging river, swollen and overflowing the banks...

For some reason, I have been wide eyed and awake since 1:30 a.m....I'm curious whether that is about the coffee I had 7 hours ago or about something else. We'll see...

I love what Helen reminds us all of re her discussion of The Secret. We’ve been doing some thinking about that and have seen much but not yet all of the movie. YAY to seeing you RIGHT NOW as gloriously healthy, gorgeous, and brimming over with energy. I'm grateful for the reminder to see that now. That's the picture I’m holding.

Showing up....oh so many logical reasons not to do that, most of which have been spoken here. I know my own all-too-familiar justifications fall into different groups. Group 1, the "I don't really matter" category include such jeweled thoughts as : "She doesn't really need me, she has plenty of extraordinary people in her life who are her REAL loved ones; Who am I to knock on her door, call her up, write her? Maybe if I do that, she will look at me as if I’m crazy, what was I thinking???!”…blah blah blah quack quack.

Category 2 is where all the mundane daily living reasons crop up: “I’m swamped; I have too damn much to do; I haven’t had enough sleep recently to be able to string two words together (and she’ll never notice anyway because of all the wonderful people who do show up and are able to form coherent sentences); Once I get this affidavit done/ take Nate on this college visit/ get this cgt homework assignment done/buy this Christmas tree/lose twenty pounds/etcetera, I’ll get back to thinking about the neat issues Laura mentioned in her postings… “

Category 3 is where I fall into my “Oh shit, I need to say something S-I-G-N-I-F-I-C-A-N-T!” kind of rationales: “ Man, everyone here is so incredibly enlightened and wise, what do I have to add???? I”ll think about this later when I have time and will come back with something worth writing; I can’t just check in and just say, “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”; Everything is so public, I don’t know who these people are, they all know each other and they’ll see immediately what a shallow non-groovy being I am….”

Hmmmm…I’m noticing, Lady Laura, that it’s hard to actually hang in here long enough to write that stuff out. I have a hard time looking at it; I’m bored and irritated by my own excuses for not showing up. And at the same time, I also know that I show up in lots of ways, in other places where I am needed and need to be, and want to be…So, I do give myself a hug ( well, figuratively speaking, at least, although now that I try it, wrapping my arms around myself is actually easy and surprisingly comforting….worth trying) and remember that it doesn’t have to be perfect, I don’t have to perfect or even try to look perfect. It’s fine just to speak from the heart, to let you know I love you and I will keep holding those beautiful healthy pictures of you! And to keep coming back when I catch myself falling into one of the reasonable reasons for not coming back quite yet….

One last thing before I try to go back to sleep:

Speaking of showing up, I am going to be heading out to Cali for our third cgt ceremony in January ( cause those teepees are a bit breezy that time of year out in the high desert of New Mexico). I would love to show up at your door, give you a good hug, literally touch, change an iv or two, chat if you’re up for it or simply hang out without speaking if that what works best at that moment. I have to be down South at Ben Loman on Tuesday, January16, and am thinking of coming in on Monday 1/15 ( one of my favorite holidays- -Martin L.K. Day) to visit with you and Karen and Henry. I’m happy to spell your A Team-sters for a while if that would work, too…I’ll touch base with you as time draws closer. Just wanted to plant that seed there.

Well, Laura, it feels like it’s definitely time to go to bed. I send you love and gratitude. I’ll be baaaaaaaaaaack- -

Heather

Saturday, December 02, 2006 2:23:00 AM

 
Anonymous Debra Martin said...

Dear Laura,

I can come this week and help with the IVs. I'll call Monday and check in with Judy and you about timing.
I love that Carly and Joe and Lisa and Breeze are holding you and caring for you. They are a powerful bunch!

I love your "little child" excitement about Christmas. It's a time of year that I love, too. There's light and hope and promise, all around. I pray that all of these will be present in your heart.

Love you,
Debra

Saturday, December 02, 2006 7:26:00 AM

 
Blogger Melissa O'Mara said...

Hey Laura, so glad to see your post. I am thankful that Joseph has found this protocol, and that you have enough good friends nearby to relieve Judy! Whew, every 30 minutes!

Your Christmas spirit is lovely, and contagious, so I am declaring that I too will bring Christmas into this household in a big way this year.... And I have this little 3 year-old that will get this magical holiday like no other age, I think. She was SOOOOO excited tonight, because it is supposed to snow and "some of the snow falls off the trees and then we can make snowmen with eyes and a nose and a mouf - right Mom!!?" And then we talked at about Frosty, and sang as much of the song as I could remember. She is already so excited about the season...

So thanks for infecting me, with a little help from Erin too. I now have a bit more clarity on the purpose for this weekend... I'll have to send pictures.

For everyone here that is connected in community around Laura, for those that also celebrate Christmas, consider "bigger game" Christmas gifts - like fair trade coffee and chocolates, or jewelry. Or organic cotton sheets and towels (I love my sheets that I bought for myself last year - so soft!). Co-op America's National Green Pages are a wonderful resource for socially responsible (and wonderful!) gifts. http://www.coopamerica.org/pubs/greenpages/

Laura, I wish you joy today, and everyday. Much love and healing to you. Much love and support to Judy and her elves.

Melissa

Saturday, December 02, 2006 9:16:00 AM

 
Anonymous Maria Garza-Lennon said...

Hello, Dear Laura - I am so glad to hear that things are on the up-and-up in your home. Another battle won! Yay! We just wrapped up a very, very busy weekend in my neck of the woods. Two birthday parties for my two youngest, in two days! Aislan turned 5 yrs and Joshua turned 2 yrs. What a weekend! Whew! And I look at them and marvel at their bright eyes and porcelain skin and neverending energy and pray that life will be kind to them. And that they will be grateful to it.

Now that the birthday parties are behind us, we will start to focus on the coming holidays. The lights are up, the tree is decorated, the stockings are hung...and love surrounds us. It's quite magical. I know you're enjoying the same, and I wish you all the best the season has to offer. Be well, Sweet Laura, be well.

Lots of Love, Maria

Sunday, December 03, 2006 9:14:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HELLO Laura

Well funny that the talk has been of disappearing when I have written once and not been back for weeks. I make up that I am a Leadership student so I am not close enough to you, do not know you well enough and have nothing significant to say to you or this lively, loving community.

But saying all that feels so freeing and it gives me permission to own that I think about you a lot and am sending lots of love from across the water. I want for you - I want wellness, peace, energy and love.

You ask “What it means to show up?” and everything I want to say about it I feel you, Karen KH and the Otters have taught me (oh and maybe me too!!). I look forward to hearing and reading more.

With deep love and powerful healing and wishing you a great nights sleep!

Jackie x
(London Otter)

Monday, December 04, 2006 4:03:00 AM

 
Anonymous Donna Krone said...

Hi Laura,

Was scanning my favorites for my leadership group and your blog jumped out at me. "Oh...haven't looked there in a while". For me showing up sometimes means following my random spontaneous urges.
I was amazed reading about your round the clock every 30 minute IV changes....what an incredible marathon feat! Talk about fighting the fight!!! I am picturing those cancer cells just looking around at each other saying.....holy shit man this dame is serious...I have had ENOUGH...outa here!!

What an inspiration you are! Being a person who "up until now" has had a tendency to not always finish things or get reallly bored in the end, you are teaching me about going the long haul in a big way; you are teaching me what a good fight really looks like.

Sending you Christmas snowflakes and special surprises and a santa bag full of love.

Monday, December 04, 2006 6:53:00 PM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

Hi Laura,

Tonight is one of those magical wintery nights with a full moon over the wild waters of lake Superior, snow falling, and Christmas lights everywhere. It's starting to feel a lot like Christmas!!

Thanka God for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor IV protocol!! If I ever need to go into battle, I want him on my team! I loved Donna's image of all those cells looking at each other and deciding it was time to split. What a hoot. :) Nice image!

As I sit here, my son is waging war on various trolls, dragons, and other powerful and persistent foe on the MMORPG (Massively multiplayer online role playing Game) World of Warcraft. Though I worry about the addiction, what's cool about it is how they never fight any foe alone. Various players from around the globe gather together in a virtual world to cooperate with one another to beat these villianous creatures. They battle one after the other, moving in on the treasures left behind when each one falls. After each battle, they need to go and get healed, nourish themselves, and gear up for the next battle.

It's good to be part of this MMORPG you've got going here. Thanks for keeping us posted on the battles you're fighting so we can ban together and Whoop the arses of each and every one... restoring you to full health and mana. Woo Hoo!!

With sword ready, I hold the image of you glowing pink in the cheeks with Christmas all around. You are a picture of radiant health and well-being.

Much love,

Helen

Monday, December 04, 2006 7:56:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Laura,
As I was reading about your preparation for Christmas, I felt the warmth and love the season brings to you. I am a little elf visiting you in spirit and look forward to seeing you at R3 next month. I am glad to hear that the protocol is doing its thing and enabling you & your love ones to get a good nights sleep.

I wish you pain free days and nights, love, laugther and healing.

Happy Holidays!

Love,

Karen S. - the Seattle Otter

Monday, December 04, 2006 9:24:00 PM

 
Anonymous Barbara S said...

My Dear Laura

Whew! Life can be such a roller coaster ride and pausing to be grateful can put things into such a different perspective - and maybe stop the stomach from rebelling for a moment. It is amazing how many blessings there are to be grateful for - even when there is pain, loss, grief, and life just seems to 'suck'? Yet there is so much beauty, love, wonder, moments free of pain to honour and so much more.

As I read your latest posts I am anxious for you and also filled with compassion, energy and determination(damn it) to fuel your fight. Yeah - fight baby fight!!

Christmas is a wonderful time of year! I can imagine you and your loved ones cutting the tree, bringing it in, putting up decorations and admiring the results. AHHH!! The lights, the connection, the excitement, the peace, the love! Even if you don't embrace the religious aspect Christmas is such a magical time.

And to Judy, Breeze, Shakinah, Joseph and the rest of the circle of love and support that make Laura's life possible, wonderful and filled with love and support - thank you. You are angels!

Happy Holidays to all of you! You are in my heart. Love Barbara

Tuesday, December 05, 2006 10:15:00 AM

 
Anonymous Otterly Maia said...

Dearest Laura,

I have this lovely image of your sparkling eyes, so clear and beautifully blue brimming with the joy of Christmas tidings and the gratitude of many miracles.

I am imagining you radiantly aware of many new wonderful assumptions about your cells and organs regenerative, creative, resourceful, whole and wise nature as they unfold into unlimited possibilities of healing this week.

Biggest Hugs and regenerative rest,

Tuesday, December 05, 2006 10:32:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At the risk of sounding coach-like (and all respect to all the coaches here, but I am not a coach - I just live with one..!) - I had to take DEEP BREATH after reading your latest posts. What ups and downs and ups and downs you are having. I am pulling for WAYYYY more good ups for you, and remember - you need to just stay right here where you are with US! Keep fighting and keep hanging in there, and know that your blog community and so many others are out here singing a holiday F-I-G-H-T song for you! As always, thank you for being so real about what you are experiencing. Though it can be hard to read and digest - and respond to - it is such important stuff that you are sharing with all of us. Thank you for being so brave and truthful!

Love to you and Judy both,

Kim

Tuesday, December 05, 2006 7:23:00 PM

 
Anonymous Brenda Dahlie said...

Dear Laura - thank you for sharing what this day is like for you - and how it's not the day for you to die because there's this to-do list that you want to have completed before you do die. And thank you for sharing what it's like for you to be in this space.

Tonight I just want to say "thank you" and hold you fiercely in my heart.

Love
Brenda

Tuesday, December 05, 2006 7:35:00 PM

 
Blogger Moira said...

The mention of the "marathon feat" reminded me of those hours (and hours and hours!) in Portland.

Of your phone call at about mile 24, and the question, "what would stop you from reaching the Finish line?" and my determined answer, "Absolutely nothing".

Of how much it meant to have you and the others waiting (and waiting and waiting) at the Finish line, eager to share in the celebration of our victory.

I'm here, cheering you on, eager to share in the celebration of your victory over this disease.

I'm here satiating my hunger for beauty by stopping to breathe in the absolute exquisiteness of the Boulder winter.

lots of love,
Moira

Wednesday, December 06, 2006 4:22:00 PM

 
Blogger Susan V. said...

Hi Laura, I'm here in Armonk, NY with a room full of my sales learning colleagues. We are attending a multi-day Train the Trainer to deliver a new sales learning program. It's tough to sit here going through powerpoint slides -- a far cry from the get up and moving around experiential learning that I much more prefer. I have to tell you as I look around the room I am seeing many faces that have been touched by you and co-active coaching. There is an incredibly close and special bond amongst us. And others have commented about our energy and warmth. It will always live on with us and you are placed at the center of our hearts. Sitting next to me is Cathy M., Maria G., Alexis C. Behind me is Sara S., Lyn K., Erika s. In front of me is Cathy N., Connie A., Glenda D. To my right is Cheryl J., Ann L., Lisa K., Paula C., Pat J., Jim H., Gay K., Marie B. And then there are others from North America, Europe and AP who you have not met but have also experienced at least the 1st course -- Sherrye G., Faye W., Jackie E., Bob G., Michelle D., Christy, Janice H., Tom B., Agnes C., Miguel V., Matt M., Don G., Martha N., Pamela K., Leanne D., Mary Ann D., Gillian B., Mary D., etc. That is 35 people out of 60 who have been touched by co-activity. over 50%...not bad!! These are people who are more than colleagues to each other. Maria said it best last night to someone who is new to the team. She said we are soul brothers and sisters and would do anything we could for each other. Wow! it has made the work environment so much more special and human. So I pray that you don't ever doubt your reach, your touch, your love, your essence, your purpose. We are daily living examples of your purpose......on behalf of all my colleagues, we are sending you healing light and love and pray that God/Goddess are holding you lovingly....Much love, Susan

Thursday, December 07, 2006 6:34:00 AM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

Hi Laura,

This will be quick as I'm off to catch a plane in 30 minutes and haven't packed yet! Oy vey!

Just wanted to let you know how grateful I am for your meltdown and for the sharing of it. Seems it's an important component in the 'where do people go?' and such conversation. I've been thinking a lot about what it takes to STAY lately. Being able to speak the unspeakable and feel the unfeelable seem really important to being able to STAY. Sometimes when that stuff is held back too long, at least for me, it builds up and the only way to release it is to melt down. MELT down down down into the messiness of it all.

Ohhhhhhhhh..... sigh. What a lot you are doing and holding and feeling and experiencing.

Here's to loving you through it all.

May you breathe easily and be sweet with yourself in these balding days. (The part of me that's dreadfully vain has MOUNTAINS of compassion for you as you part with your hairs!) Ahhh.... be gentle with your cute self.

Love,
Helen

Thursday, December 07, 2006 9:29:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Laura

Every day I check my bank balance and I check your blog. About the same time in the AM. Now isn't that weird? I just realized it.

I feel good when you write - anything is better than nothing because my wild mind goes to wild place with nothing. I can't say I get that same feeling checking my bank balance.

I am voting for even more loose ends to keep you hanging around. This is the time to start those new ventures that you are the creative force behind and would fold without you. It would be like a loose end so big that no one else could hold on to it but you.

See what you can come up with.

On hair. Hair seems like a treasured pet to me. Sitting up there doing its own thing. Changing every day. Someday being adorable and others a real pain in the tush. Distracting people when you are trying to talk. So when you have no hair, what then? Does it free you up? You can go your own way now without that pesky hair to hold you back. You can find your own identity without hair to define you. Maybe though, it is there even though it is not there. I mean, won't people be wondering about your hair when it is not there? Oh, hair seems to have the upper hand. And you thought it was just hair.

Keep fighting.

Love

Lynne

Thursday, December 07, 2006 9:42:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Laura,

I just wanted to extend my virtual hand and let you know I am thinking of you.

Hmmmmmm hair. I really liked the pet analogy Lynne made. When I think of how much time I have spent in my life preoccupied with my hair....yikes!

I need to run now but wanted you to know I am cheering for you and sending you lots of love and compassion.

Love,
Maia Zohara

Thursday, December 07, 2006 12:34:00 PM

 
Blogger Pauline Lally, Earthquake said...

Dear Laura:

I've been lurking and not very vocal about showing up; but I'm here in the background, steady, and keeping you in my prayers. I still write your name in every Sunday in our "people to pray for" book at church. I've begun to participate in an adoration program in my church. It takes place on Saturday morning at 7:00 a.m. Its a quiet time for reflection for me and its also very difficult to sit in one place for a whole hour. Anyway, you've been the object of my prayers and thoughts during that special hour. Sometimes, people don't have to be physically present in your face to "show up" (like me).
I want you to know that I've made an application for a leadership position in an organization that I've been involved with for 15 years. I attribute this "getting out of my comfort zone" directly to you. What a difference the Leadership and Bigger Game training has made for me. As time goes on and I get to digest and practice stuff that I learned it makes me realize how lucky I am to have found CTI and then you. It was fate that you were the co-leader at my leadership conference.
Well, dear Laura, keep the faith.

Love,
Pauline

Friday, December 08, 2006 1:55:00 PM

 
Anonymous wendy tryhorn said...

Good Morning Dear Laura:

I have been on the phone all morning connecting with friends and family both near and far. Making plans for cookie exchanges, and gift exchanges, and visits. And wanted to cyber visit with you before I head into the crazy world of Christmas shoppers.

First, I wanted to tell you, how deeply you honour us by sharing your meltdown story. It's important. I had been pondering this week - about strength, and askiing for help, and support.

I was feeling a bit like a lot of your posts happen in the after time, when the crisis has been averted, and we can chime in with our cheers and optimism. And I was wondering if you were feeling a little like you have to support us?!? Share with us when it's safe? Stay in control, 'cuz we all so depend on you and your words of wisdom?

Well my dear, we're in that ropes course, and the only "right" answer is to ask for help and then get out of the way and let the help step in!

Losing your hair sucks! It's scary as hell to find those clumps. And it's not fair! And some days, despite your unbelievable strength, you need and deserve a meltdown!

I have learned so much from you. Your strength, your resillience, your leadership. AND I have much to learn also from your humility, your humanity.

So on the days when you are strong, fighting and winning... know that I, that we, are here cheering and celebrating. And on the days that suck, know that we are truly, truly honoured to be of support, to be of service. This is also a gift that's yours to bestow.

Sending you a big warm cyber hug, and a strong arm on which to lean.

With Love
Wendy

Saturday, December 09, 2006 9:02:00 AM

 
Blogger Art Shirk said...

Hi Laura,

I will be downstairs this week while doing a retreat 4 of the Deer and hope to see you and spend a few minutes with you if you are feeling up to it.

It has gotten cold here in Boston, finally... and I'm packing up boxes for our move into a new house... lots of changes.

Love to you and Judy,

Art

Sunday, December 10, 2006 10:21:00 AM

 
Anonymous Karen KH said...

Hi Sweetie:

Let's hear it for meltdowns. ..where would we be without 'em. One of the things you've always modeled for me is your ability, when needed, to hunker down and really. . . .like. . .melt down.

I can tell that this one was a particularly long and hard melt down. . . and much needed. Should one rise up again, please picture me on the sidelines, loving you and saying "Go for it." Or if you need someone to hear, someone to TELL just how awful and unfair and whatever else this whole thing is, you're welcome to call me any ole time. I promise to love you and listen without trying to fix or change things. . ..I might be a little wise but only at the very end-:)

As for hair. .. I simply can't imagine. Remember the song about Manual Garcia. ..the one where his family and friends shaved their heads so he wouldn't feel so alone after chemotherapy. . .I always thought that was such a lovely song. So touching.

Until you lost YOUR hair. I have to laugh at myself wondering if it would be good to shave my head and finding just exacty how attached I was to my hair! Finally I decided that it would be a somewhat grandiose gesture and not amount to a hill of beans. Which translated means something like, "Well, I would do it but I'd need to know ahead of time that it was the right thing to do and that it would make a really big difference." I offer this into the conversation about showing up.

Because there is no gesture that I can make that will have me "show up". There's no proving it. Or demonstrating about it. It doesn't do any good to gather a panel and have everyone vote about it. . ."That Karen. .. you know, she really shows up".
I think that "showing up" is as intensely personal as about anything else. . .am I "showing up" for myself, actually. Bottom line, I don't think there is anyone else TO show up for.

When I say "showing up for myself" I don't mean am I being nice to myself or getting attention.
Am I showing up FOR myself. Am I being TRUE to myself? Am I holding myself with enough self respect to know that I am here for a reason, that I matter and that I came here to this life to stand for something. And I'm either being true to that. . .or I'm not.

In my life, day to day, there is a good amount of true. ..and still quite a bit of "not". And there is less "not" and more "true than there was a year ago. (and there was more a year ago than the year before that). For me, it is a journey, not a destination.

I notice that I become captured. I notice I recover. When I ask the question "moving towards" or "taking me away from" the answer is pretty clear. And I notice there are places where I catch myself kidding myself. .. .and I notice there are fewer of those places these days.

Yesterday, you said that being present wasn't showing up. . .Heck no. Being present just gets you on the field. ..now what? How do I want to express myself into the world? Now that I am "here" rather than "there", what do I want to create? To cause?

Well, that was a terrific Sunday morning riff. I loved hanging out with you yesterday, dear one.

Big Cheers and Big hugs!

Love you,

Karen

Sunday, December 10, 2006 10:54:00 AM

 
Anonymous Pat Obuchowski said...

Hello Sweet Being,
Ahhh...melt downs...I love them and don't have enough of them. As a matter of fact (facts according to me, at least), I'm about due. Not because life is in a state of hardness or difficulty or overwhelm, but just because of how healthy it is and how great to physically know what it feels like to 'Let It Go'. Having melt downs to me feels like creating a Brand New Year over and over. A time to let go, get clean, get refreshed and begin anew with the not so new stuff.

Thanks for the reminder to savor.

I want to remember especially to savor those relationships I hold dear and precious and yet, have not invested lately what I want to. I am going to savor and show up there this holiday season.

"We don't remember days, we remember moments."

Much love to you, dear heart for sharing with me many memorable moments.

Pat O

Sunday, December 10, 2006 2:53:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marshall Zimmerman said...
Hi Laura,

Melissa sent me a link to your blog today. In reading through the entries, I noticed one about being surprised who will show up and who won't. Hope this is a nice surprise!

I was in the 2 day session you led for IBM in January of 05. It was one of the best investments I ever made. You should know that you got me out of my comfort zone and helped me take what some might consider a bold action by joining the Big Brothers program. Through that, I have been mentoring a 13 year old who has no other adult male in his life. The investment in this relationship has been a great gift to me. It wouldn't have happened without you.

Don't know if you are a country music fan or not but regardless, I hope one of your A team members will help you get the new Lonestar song called Mountains. If you go to GACTV.com, you will see a list of when they plan to play the video each day on cable station GAC. If you happen to get this 12/7, tune in at 7:25 pm. and you'll see why.

Keep climbing...

God's peace,

Marshall Zimmerman

Thursday, December 07, 2006 2:20:12 PM

Sunday, December 10, 2006 8:07:00 PM

 
Anonymous Maria Garza-Lennon said...

Hello, Dear Laura - Wow. I don't know what else to say because this is so new to me. I have never been this close to anyone fighting cancer, can you believe it? My best friend survived breast cancer but it seemed like a walk in the park compared to what you are encountering. A little chemo and radiation, loss of hair, cool wigs and hats, lost a few unwanted pounds, and then she was fine. It was all theory to me until you started sharing your story and your journey. Thank you so much for your willingness to share everything because it gives me a view into the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual impact of cancer and, most importantly, an individual's fierce fight to beat it. And you will beat it. I have no doubt. I'm scared, sure, but mostly I'm scared for all the pain of the fight. Does every fight have to be painful? Is that part of its nature? I guess I never thought about it until now...

On a lighter note to give you a vicarious peep into some other going-ons...Another weekend of getting ready for the holidays. I'm trying to travel light this holiday. Not so much shopping for stuff. If anything, I'm purchasing moments...art kits for the kids so they can get lost in their worlds for hours. Movie, restaurant and spa gift certificates for friends and relatives so they can get lost in another world for a few moments. You speak of Judy and needing to take some time off and it's helped me realize that no matter the life one leads, sooner or later we feel in a rut or routine. I'm striving to help people get out of their routine this holiday. Perhaps they'll start the year with a little different perspective...

As it turns out, because of schedules and life arrangements, we will be celebrating Christmas for exactly 11 days! Not just Christmas Eve or just Christmas Day. No, not us. We've got to do it in a big way...11 days of people coming and going and presents being given and meals being prepared. Yikes, huh? I started getting quite overwhelmed yesterday and started whining to my wonderful hubby and then I realized that this is absolutely, positively wonderful! We will see all of our family during those 11 days and a few close friends. And how anticlimactic would it be if all the preparation and anticipation of Christmas culminated in a one day event? (Laugh out loud :-) I have to stay in that perspective...I have to stay in that perspective...I have to stay in that perspective... :-)

Please be well, Laura. You can do this. And we will continue to pray and chant for you because nothing other than your return to full health seems fair and acceptable at this time.

Love you, Maria

Monday, December 11, 2006 3:00:00 PM

 
Anonymous wendy tryhorn said...

Laura and Friends:

The Fight - it's really not just a fight, but a war. And war rarely pauses for a holiday. So for you, and for those closest to you it is absolutely all encompassing, and exhausting - physically, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually - and despite the exhaustion, you have to press on.

Keep asking for help. Sometimes, one good night sleep in the hands of capable and compassionate professionals can do a world of good for everyone intimately involved in the fight.

Is there a way you can give yourself some "moments"? Totally abidicate control of the pole, and the protocol to someone else for just a little while?

Here's what I'm sourcing for you. I'm sourcing the magic of Christmas and of Wonder Woman to come and declare a Holiday armistice in your war. Time enough to allow you to celebrate, and rejuvenate, and be ready to once again take up arms in this fight.

So here's the new tune I'm humming:
Happy Armistice to you
Happy Armistice to you
Happy Armistice Dear Laura
(and team)
Happy Armistice to you!

With Love and Respect
Wendy

Tuesday, December 12, 2006 9:33:00 AM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

Dear Laura -

Just checking in to let you know I'm working on a big long juicy post. Your last one got my brain churning and turns out there's a lot to say and think about it. I'll be finishing it later today or tomorrow.

Meanwhile, please know that I'm thinking about you and holding you in the light of filled with JOY and exuberant health. May LIFE pluck your ear today and say "LIVE, for I am here."

Loving you,

Helen

Thursday, December 14, 2006 5:39:00 AM

 
Anonymous Debra Martin said...

Hi Laura,

I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you all the time. Andrew and I are planning to stop by and see you on Sunday. I hope you're ready to receive some love and hugs.

Love,
Debra

Thursday, December 14, 2006 3:31:00 PM

 
Anonymous Maria Garza-Lennon said...

Hi, Sweet Laura - I started a couple of exciting (and excited) new clients this week and re-started an Executive client who had been on "break." It was an exceptionally good coaching week for me and I thought about you every step of the way. Thank you for everything that you have enabled in me and countless other coaches around the world. We will strive to make you proud and have your life's work be magnified through our efforts :-)

Be well.

Lots of love, Maria Garza-Lennon

Thursday, December 14, 2006 6:07:00 PM

 
Anonymous Jessica Rios said...

Good evening 59-year-young Laura,

I check in to see how you are doing in quiet moments, to hear what you have to say and what's on your mind. I've shared the story of you - of your leadership and powerul way of 'showing up' (more invitation for that 'showing up and NOT showing up' message) - with a few dozen people in my web of community. Two have successfully fought cancer as you are doing day in, day out.

I questioned whether to write b/c I am not an inner member of your web, and then I laughed inside and remembered that I am a gift, and that you would only let me forget this - if you had anything to do with it - once. I want you to know how much your fierce way of showing up in my life, of looking directly at me and refusing to hold back the truth, has rained down on me like a delicious waterfall. It permeates my days and life now more than ever, times ten.

Because of you.
Because you breathe.
Thank you for showing up for me.

And a brief update:
I am back to using the word 'love' almost every day now. Yet, you know, there's a whole different feeling to it that I didn't expect a simple 'pulling (and giving) away' of it would achieve. It's about noticing my impact, with words and otherwise; I hadn't seen this before. You and many other beautiful guides in my life are calling me forth to use powerful language, and the word 'love' is only that way when it is. Again I thank you - for helping me to want more, and for seeing that I want you to love me fiercely. And you do.

Your reach is enormous and you are so, deeply, completely and easily lovable. Because Love is who you are.

See you at R3 in January,
Jessica "Otter" Rios

Thursday, December 14, 2006 6:07:00 PM

 
Blogger Bill Pullen, MCC said...

Hi Laura,

I am checking to let you know I am here with you, sending love and hugs your way.

Your name came up in conversation the other day. As usual I told the person how instrumental you've been in making me the person I am today. Even now, as you fight your fight, I am leanring and growing through you and because of you.

I am blessed to have you in my life !!

Much Love,
Bill

Friday, December 15, 2006 5:22:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Laura

THe posting by someone currently in Leadership with you send my memory back to our days together. You looking at me like you knew EXACTLY what I was capable of and I was not pulling the wool over anyone's eyes by playing small. Thank you for that. I am out here every day trying to live up to what you saw in us.

I don't have a fight song except on my 8 year old nephew said to his grandma as she tried to buckle her seatbelt quickly so as to win the race with brother in the next car:

You can do it, Laura
You can do it!
Go, Laura, Go GO GO

Love

Lynne

Friday, December 15, 2006 10:12:00 AM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

HI Laura!

((Warning! This got LONG! I started it 12/11/06... and just kept writing))

I feel like calling you "Your Blogness" this morning. :) You see, I got home late last night from my last lead of the year and had to read your blog before I could settle in for some much needed rest. Your latest posting, and all the others that keep pouring in, got so many thoughts stirring in me that I couldn't get to sleep till the wee hours. It seems to me that that's the whole point of a blog... at least one worth reading and participating in. Thanks for stirring us up - that's to you AND all those who join in here. THANKS.

Random stirrings:

First - Praise Judy! - Goddess of Love and Perseverance. She is the hands and feet of the stirrings of your soul. WOW. Wouldn't we all love to have a Judy in our life - someone who loves us enough to fight the fight along side us? And then, to have a Leslie, and Isha and Joseph and Carly and the rest of the A team to come and spell The Judy? A great battle needs united forces to be won!

I sometimes wonder if I'd have what it takes inside me to say - "Fight this fight with me... MY life is worth fighting for... and STAY fighting it with me... even when we are so worn out we feel we can't go on... because MY LIFE is worth fighting for." There's something amazingly powerful in declaring that. It's bold. Audacious. It's the stuff of rebels, leaders, change agents, and heroes. Thank you for savoring this life of yours enough that you'd claim that for you… and for us. I will be more boldly courageous to do the same when there's something I trust to my core is worth that. YOU are worth that.

Second - I was thinking about how the call keeps being to fight. To not give up, in spite of some of your greatest urges to “chuck it all”. I was chewing on this all night and all morning. I went to talk with my sweetheart, Andrew, about it since he's a former Marine, a marshal artist, and a history buff well read on the art of war. He talked to me about surrender and how knowing you can surrender is important in battle. Knowing when and why to surrender is important too. He talked about how sometimes even if you know you'll lose, you must fight to the death. Other times, you may choose to surrender while you still have enough strength and resources left to savor what follows the surrender. Sometimes you need that strength to recover from the disappointment of the surrender so you can go on with dignity. Other times you use that strength to simply enjoy the freedom from the fight. And sometimes you fight against all odds because you believe in your heart of hearts you CAN and WILL win the battle.

That last one is the one I'm holding for you, unless you request otherwise. I know you can win this battle! And, I believe that knowing surrender is an option will give you the strength you need to carry on.

Today, I'm not feeling so hot. Chest cold. My old way would be to crawl in bed with some hot tea, pity myself plenty, and wait till it went away. I'd use it as an excuse to not be engaged in my own battles. But today, with thoughts of the fight swirling in my head, I let myself rest for 20 minutes, then… I put on my running shoes. It's too warm here for December, so I ran along the lakeshore. I pushed myself… paced myself… pushed some more. I thought of you. Pushing. Pacing. Resting. Pushing. I set out to run 20 minutes. I ran 30. Now… a bath. A bath to rest, plan, regroup, heal a little, and prepare to push and pace some more.

With pom poms waving and banners flip flopping… I yell, Go Laura Go!!
FIGHT the FIGHT!! Fight the only fight that's right! Fight for LIFE! Fight for LIFE!! Go Laura!!

Love,

Helen

Friday, December 15, 2006 2:19:00 PM

 
Blogger Shekinah Shephard said...

Dear Laura,

Here comes Santa Claus, Here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus lane... Wanting to know what the two lovely ladies in the Meadow House are wishing for Christmas this year, besides Great Health and Lots of Love and Blogging....

What is on your Christmas Wish List that wants to come forth. Santa is getting a little squirrley this year as she knows that the two of you probably have bought out the stores already and just doesn't know what to do... Oh pity, so much to think a obout and wanting it to be special....

So Santa Claus has a request.... what are some of your wishes for this Christmas... Would love to hear from you.

Love,

Santa Claus aka Shekinah

Friday, December 15, 2006 3:15:00 PM

 
Anonymous Pat obuchowski said...

Hi Dear One,
Just a brief 'hello' to let you know I'm thinking of you and wishing you had a good day today. I needed some in depth beauty today so I went to the DeYoung museum to see "The Quilts of Gee's Bend."

The exhibit features a selection of more than 60 quilts made by four generations of African American women who live about thirty miles from Selma at the end of a strip of land at Gee's Bend.

The women of this community assembled quilts of amazing artistry. The quilts were pieced from scraps of fabric mostly from worn-out clothes. They used what they had.

I watched the documentary and what struck me was how they loved quilting with a passion. They meet, quilt, sing, read from the Bible and love and embrace every day.

The quilts are not symmetrical nor are they all matched in color as most of the traditional American ones I've seen. They are bold, dramatic, colorful, faded, cut and sewn crooked, and looking at them closely you can see the imperfection.

I keep thinking about these quilts and the things the women said in the documentary. One woman spoke of her youth when they had absolutely nothing in this town and how people seemed happier then than now where people have more, but I'm sure not much more.

One spoke of the creativity as she works...what comes next, comes next regardless of what she plans.

One woman spoke about how they would make due with cotton bags and boil and beat then until the lettering was no longer visible so they could use it in their quilt.

Another spoke about how she loved the singing and will never stop because of that.

I have no idea where I'm going with this other than to say, Ahhhhhh, there is such beauty in the simplicity of our everyday lives if we just look around, stay present, and be. Be grateful for the imperfections, the lack of symmetry, the colors bold or faded. Be grateful for what we have now, today. These are the best days of our lives.

I am savoring the holidays. My wish for you is to savor them, as you say "Savor in this moment the life that wants to happen."

Love,
Pat

Friday, December 15, 2006 5:09:00 PM

 
Anonymous Barbara S said...

Dear Laura

This is a little long and it does relate to 'showing up'.

Recently Tracey M,a woman in Vancouver who had just completed R1 sent out a message looking for a local mentor to partner with through leadership. I responded and we met for lunch a few weeks ago.

It turns out she is part of a group of 'newer' CTI coaches who have been meeting regularly for a few months and she is one of the organizers. She didn't know about old the Vancouver Co-Active Coaching Community meetings that happened before so we talked about that. She was excited about the ideas we were generating and we talked about how this group might grow and expand. We brainstormed and before I knew it Tracey asked me to co-lead their Christmas party/ meeting with her. We came up with some cool activities around listening, improv, etc. We were both excited.

The meeting was at her house last Tuesday, the day after she returned from R2. It was a blast. What an energetic, dynamic, passionate bunch of people!

You may remember, Laura, that one of my leadership projects was to revitalize the Vancouver Co-Active Coaching Community (your presence on a telecall about the Bigger Game in May was one of the first steps).

Our group has been 'struggling' to figure out what to do and - Voila -the intention that was put out by us is manifesting in this group. WOW! So for me to 'show up' now is to support the front line and let them take the leadership and for be involved and active as a supporter and leader 'at the back of the room'.

By the way there were 2 Mooses (meeces?!) at this party - Tracey and James - and they were so excited that 'Laura Whitworth came and met us and she was so amazing and Is she always so uh - direct and you know - challenging?'

YES! Terrific isn't she?

They were thrilled to find out you had a blog so I forwarded it to them.

And there was lots of love, admiration, joy, gratitude for what you have put out into the world and how you 'show up' and also healing energy being sent to you that night, dear Laura.

'Showing up' is more than having an intention, it's being intentional by doing - putting your money where your mouth is when you choose to do so and knowing when you choose not to and being intentionally about that to.

Merry Christmas Laura - Live Strong! Love Barbara S

Saturday, December 16, 2006 8:30:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Laura

I thank you again for sharing your journey, your thoughts, your pain and your joy. I'm still exploring what 'gift' means and your gift of this blog is helping me get clearer (crawling inch by inch to discover what everyone knows). There are gifts in the giving and gifts in the receiving and they reciprocate and grow (or perhaps I mean glow).

The past few days I have been enjoying my new state as a 49 year old. A new number, my birth year a little more historical, and my heart a little bigger. If that is the least of purpose I can have in this life; to grow my heart, I shall be fulfilled. I spent some time reflecting on people who were part of my life this past year. They; including you are all with me, always, just as my mother is ... every day, every second ... no one disappears (even if I try to make them - which I don't, but ...)

I read "Lovely Bones" yesterday (the whole book (my 'should do list' took a break)). Its been sitting on my shelf for over a year patient with its messages until I was ready to receive. I love the message of letting go ... which is also about showing up in a way that accepts what is there and be's with that.

It is a beautiful day here, feels like the spring of winter. I'm reveling in the music of Christmas, the church music, the carols and hymns that take me to the bright full place where I am a body of spirit.

Love to you and Judy, blessings for a Christmas of wonder and joy - this is the only one that will ever be this one and deserves to be recognized for that. Thanks for helping me see
Jeanne b

Saturday, December 16, 2006 10:02:00 AM

 
Anonymous Brenda Dahlie said...

Oh god Laura - (we've been without power since early Friday morning from the storm that probably hit you and Judy as well) and my first thing was to check your blog to see how you are doing. I might have known that it would be something that reached out to us and asked - hey you there, are you really conscious?

And actually I am not - like Helen, I have a bad cold and back spasms and up to tonight no heat to boot.

And I chuckle too because I am now conscious that I haven't been showing up AND right now what I am going to do is show up and celebrate you and our reconnected power with a wee dram of single malt and think about what you are shining the light on. I will be back with those thoughts.

I don't know what was in your IV line before you wrote these thoughts about showing up but it is Vintage Laura - powerful and beckoning. Your spirit shining through.

Thank YOU!
Love and hugs,
Brenda

Saturday, December 16, 2006 9:49:00 PM

 
Blogger Shekinah Shephard said...

Dear Laura,

Brrrrrrr, wow is it cold this morning. I was sitting upstairs looking out at the beach across the way and for the first time there was frost on the sand. It was pretty cool out there today, and the sun is shining and it looks like it will be a bright, beautiful day.

I am sending you Bright, Beautiful greetings for your day today. I hope you and Judy are warm and cozy in the Meadow House today and snuggling one another to keep warm.

Clive and I had a great snuggle this morning as we both did not want to get out of bed as it was just too cozy and warm in there.

The solistice is approaching this week and winter will be here to usher in another deepening winter of listening. I love this poem by David Whyte called

The winter of Listening
David Whyte

No one but me by the fire,
my hands burning
red in the palms while
the night wind carries
everything away outside.

All this petty worry
while the great cloak
of the sky grows dark
and intense
round every living thing.

What is precious
inside us does not
care to be known
by the mind
in ways that diminish
its presence.

What we strive for
in perfection
is not what turns us
into the lit angel
we desire,

what disturbs
and then nourishes
has everything
we need.

What we hate
in ourselves
is what we cannot know
in ourselves but
what is true to the pattern
does not need
to be explained.

Inside everyone
is a great shout of joy
waiting to be born.

Even with the summer
so far off
I feel it grown in me
now and ready
to arrive in the world.

All those years
listening to those
who had
nothing to say.

All those years
forgetting
how everything
has its own voice
to make
itself heard.

All those years
forgetting
how easily
you can belong
to everything
simply by listening.

And the slow
difficulty
of remembering
how everything
is born from
an opposite
and miraculous
otherness.

Silence and winter
has led me to that
otherness.

So let this winter
of listening
be enough
for the new life
I must call my own.

May you Laura and Judy have a deep peaceful Winter of Listening and May You Awaken in the Springtime Renewed and Fully Healed. May it be so.

Love and Light,


Shekinah

Monday, December 18, 2006 9:02:00 AM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Hi Laura,

Wow,was it great to get your thoughts on 'showing up' and about distinguishing rather than defining. That, plus knowing that you are feeling great puts a BIG smile on my face. I will re-read and digest what you wrote and give some of my thoughts then.

For now, I leave you with a short poem I recently wrote as a contribution to a local writer's club. It is intended for the first four words to show their action by the placement of letters, but for the blog I couldn't get it to turn out that way, so I think I will send you one by snail mail. :)


SNOWFLAKES

Whirling

curling

tipping

turning

d
o
w
n
w
a
r
d they fall.

A crystal delight! They blanket the night.

Can anyone count them all?

One by itself can barely be felt.

How many will make a ball?

Hieroglyphs of the sky causing man to ask: Why?

They really are a miracle after all.

Love, Emily

Tuesday, December 19, 2006 1:08:00 AM

 
Blogger Helen House said...

Dear Laura - Your Divine Blogness,

Just a quick hello today. Brenda was right when she said whatever was in your IV bag when you wrote your musings on showing up was 'vintage'. The very finest. Much to savor and ponder. Thanks for the fuel... my fires will burn a while on your words and I will add more too.

In my last note to you, I was all pumped up and inspired because I'd gone running even though I felt crummy. Well, it's interesting what happened. After I wrote you, I just kept feeling worse. (That was Friday afternoon) Saturday I was a sick puppy with a fever and all the trappings. Sunday... much the same. Couldn't/wouldn't do a damn thing either day. It's Tuesday now and I'm coming around.

What it has me wonder is about 'how do we know' or 'how can we tell' when it's time to show up or time to withdraw? How do we know when it's time to fight or time to retreat? When do we push through? When do we rest? This is tricky territory. People say "listen to your body". I find that very confusing. Sometimes my spirit knows I must push on, when my body says "don't you dare". Sometimes my body says "GO Helen GO!", when my spirit says, "nope... not so fast, Girlfriend". And when I bring my mind into the matter, well... chaos reigns!

You see, I'm not so sure it was a bad thing I went running. It felt good. It felt right. I may have gotten sick anyhow. I may have gotten sick later and had it last longer - ruining my holiday. Or... I may have been able to live just above the illness without succumbing to it if I'd been gentler with myself. There's no way to know.

And so... there's something in this ACTION of 'showing up' that has to do with discernment... or saying to Hell with discernment... or something.

pondering...

Helen

Tuesday, December 19, 2006 5:26:00 AM

 
Blogger Moira said...

I did a Four Fold Way year-long with Angeles Arrien a decade ago; easily, one of the more profound experiences of my life. So I have had this understanding of "showing up" and curiously, until you tied the two together, I didn't connect it with the "showing up" conversation here. Probably, I confess, because I was mired in a collapsed distinction about "showing up" and "being there for someone", along with a healthy dose of "who am I?"

So, I'm right there with you about intention and stake and being present. and ACT, you say! oh, well, you WOULD throw that one in there, wouldn't you? :-)

But seriously, I get it. I could be entertaining myself with my ponderings in response to something you've written (and I have many times in the past) but unless I take action, there's no showing up going on.

And I want to underline the quality of presence, that has to do with the aspect of 'showing up' that may not be SEEN by others, but can be felt. It's the part that distinguishes 'showing up' from hmmm, maybe 'phoning it in'? It's the part that makes the action REAL, in the Velveteen Rabbit sense of the word.

The quote that comes to mind here is the fragment of a poem by Rumi (which I first heard in that year-long with Angie).

Do not move the way fear wants you to.
Instead, move from within...

if the action isn't coming from the "move from within" place, it ain't "showing up".

Moira

Tuesday, December 19, 2006 6:27:00 PM

 
Blogger Susan V. said...

Dear Laura, I keep checking the calendar to see if it really is 12/19. I'm finally home off the road for the rest of the year. I got home from my last trip on 12/8 and have been enjoying being home, sleeping in my own bed, and catching up on piles of my home stuff. I decided to forgo the xmas decorations this year. I was going to put some out but decided that instead I will visit friends and family and enjoy their holiday homes. I can just imagine how beautiful your place looks. You and Judy really do know how to create a cozy holiday environment. How big is the tree? On Saturday my 3 nieces and 1 nephew stayed over night. It was fun hearing children giggling and being silly with them. I think I need to do it more often. Although I must say I have an even greater appreciation for mothers. I don't know how they do it. My mind was in organization overdrive on Sunday morning trying to get them out the door by 9:45AM to drop them off at my brother and sister-in-law's house and then make it to church by 10:30. Needless to say I was about 10 mintues late. As we were driving away I wondered: "Did I turn off the tea pot?" "Did I lock the front door?" "Did the kids turn off the faucet downstairs?" "Did anyone forget anything?" "Did I feed them enough breakfast?" "Are they going to be cranky all day because they were up late chatting and only got about 5 hours of sleep?" And then I realized that these are memories they will cherish. Cousins reminiscing about the time they slept over at Aunt Susan's house after watching Niklas play hockey and then opening up their Christmas presents, listening to the daily Santa Clause Message (the phone number is 800-972-6242), eating ice cream sundaes from their new Christmas mugs, staying up late playing the card game slap jack and then drifing off to sleep once they got done chatting about whatever. I loved having them here and especially at Christmas time. I didn't need decorations because their presence provided the holiday cheer. I'm thinking of you and Judy and wishing you a warm and loving holiday season. Many blessings, and may the spirit of Christmas fill you with health and peace of mind and body...Love, Susan

Tuesday, December 19, 2006 9:51:00 PM

 
Anonymous nancy ratey said...

hi! laura
I FIGURED OUT THE BLOG!
LOVE YOU! NANCITA

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 1:15:00 PM

 
Anonymous Nancy Ratey said...

Laura here is the HUG video that i sent to you that you LOVED! everyone who reads this, PLEASE look at it! it only takes 2 minutes and is the most powerful clip i've ever seen! it really touched my heart. i'm sure after you see it, you'll see why, and also understand why Laura loves is so much!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

Enjoy! HUGE HUGS, Nancy

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 1:47:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Laura

Your post on "showing up" is HUGE both in length and depth! I have read it and will read it more times to digest it and drink in the learning.

Your paragraph about “Who are you?” was like it was piercing into my being. You are an amazing leader in life and these paragraphs call me forth and blast through an old assumption (and tight-rope I walk…) around giving distance and “overly cautious” respect with leaders and at the same time not wanting to make them into demi-gods. Often paralysing and confusing :-).

Connie has a fever and keeps saying “nigh nigh” and going to bed or falling asleep standing up…so this is a quick hello, to say I am reading on, I continue to learn and be challenged every visit and I send HUGE love to you and you’re A-team. Now off to support another great leader in my life…..

with love and celebration for movement in the right direction!

Jackie x

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 3:23:00 PM

 
Anonymous wendy tryhorn said...

Laura, you do so make me think!

I've been thinking a lot about "showing up". I like the distinction of "showing up" as requiring both intention and action, I like that it needs to be anchored to a stake.

It seems to me that there is a symbiotic, two directional aspect to "showing up". It has to be both offered, and accepted, and in some ways it has to be the right offer, at the right time. At the root there is choice. The gift to Kim, was that in "showing up" her friend was able to give her EXACTLY what she needed at that particular moment in time.

I think for the most part, if we live with intentionality and choice, we do get what we need. I worry that we are socialized too often to decline or even reject offers of help/ assistance, and that this gets in the way of what we need/ want.

What might have happend if Kim had said to the first caller "I really could use a visitor today, why don't you drop by this afternoon"? Maybe, those first callers were prepared to "show up", but needed just a little reassurance that it would be helpful? And way to go, to the person who actually took action and went! But I don't think either is definitively right, or that one is either greater or lesser.

I think that we each need to extend our hand in whatever way we can, whenever we feel in our hearts that we should. And that sometimes this will land, and that sometimes it won't, and either way, we have to trust that there is someone - right now, right at this moment, who is prepared to offer EXACTLY what is needed.

I don't see this as an excuse to avoid action. For me, I don't "show up" when I feel inside me a burning to take action AND don't. This is the crux of the problem. I don't "Show up" when I need/ want help and decline it when offered, following a social convention that says "it's not right to impose". I don't "show up" when I fail to let others see my vulnerability.

BUT if I act authentically, and whenever I am compelled to do so, in whatever guise that can take - then to me that is "showing up".

So I think that we each choose when we're going to show up, when we're not going to show up, AND whether we will accept the gift of someone showing up for us.

AND when we choose to show up, we sometimes have to make another choice, and that is not to show up somewhere else.

After my Mom passed, my Dad was for the first time in his life, lonely. I spoke to my father every day, and visited with him every other night. He needed it, and I was honoured to be the one to show-up. But it did mean there were lots of other places I didn't show up. I didn't show up for my friends, and I didn't always show up for myself. I don't say this with any regret, it was a conscious choice that I made, and one I would gladly make again. Nevertheless, I consciuosly chose to show-up for my Dad, and sometimes, not to show-up for myself and others.

I think the important lessen, is to be sure that every day we consciously choose where to "show-up", that we act authentically, and that we make peace with our flaws, and recover from our failures.

I think too that sometimes when people "go away" they are actually choosing to "show-up" somewhere else. "Showing-up" for me is easy in a crisis. I am by nature a "go to girl". Where I am tested, is in "showing-up" when it requires stamina and longevity.

Laura, thanks so much for being your authentic, provocative self.

With Warmest Regards
Wendy

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 7:01:00 PM

 
Blogger Pauline Lally, Earthquake said...

Dear Laura:

I so "get" what you're saying about showing up. Not showing up is like cruising through life and taking a step back from what life really means. And I'm sure the definition of "showing up" has really become crystal clear with what you're going through.

I'm involved with an organization that's been in existence since 1896. Because people who held themselves out as "caring" have not shown up, the organization is in danger of becoming history.

Can my "showing up" make a difference? Of course it can. As you pointed out, all of us showing up for you has got to have something to do with your resilience, your choice to fight and just getting up everyday to face what might come your way.

I am a firm believer of the nature of what may seem like coincidences which are really situations made for us to show up or not show up.

I hope you are one of the Christmas believers. If so, please know that you and Judy and the rest of your entourage are in my thoughts and prayers during this most holy day.

Love,
Pauline

Thursday, December 21, 2006 6:22:00 AM

 
Blogger Moira said...

Snow Day!

What a glorious first day of winter here in Boulder! Three feet of snow!

Yesterday, I went out for my walk early, knowing the blizzard was on its way... the first flakes of snow started falling about half way through. Small, dry sharp stinging snow. As I walked on, the flakes got bigger and softer... the different flavors of snow... the last bit was headed north right into the wind, and I smiled at that anthropomorphized image of the cold, north wind blowing with all his might, his cheeks all puffed up, meeting, pointing, dancing with me on my walk.

Grateful for all the sensations of the walk; grateful, too, for the warmth of the car when I returned. Grateful for my capacity to deeply tune in to the level 3 that help me narrowly avoid an accident driving home. Thank you, God! Thank you, God! Thank you, God!

Moira

Thursday, December 21, 2006 10:01:00 AM

 
Anonymous Barbara S said...

Hello Laura

Only three more sleeps until Christmas. It is one of my most favourite times of year. I love the spirit, the goodwill, the traditions, the generosity, all of it. One of our family traditions is a 'strays & waifs' Christmas dinner where we invite people who might otherwise be alone. We never know until the last minute who might attend.

Last night we had a fire in the garbage bin across from our house. Many neighbours were out in the street waiting for the fire truck. There was no danger and the atmosphere was festive and we were all chatting. What a way to get a street party going!

I hope you and Judy and your friends and supporters have a joyful, beautiful Christmas. You are in my thoughts and my heart as I send these wishes to you.

Love and joy - Barbara S

Thursday, December 21, 2006 10:39:00 AM

 
Anonymous Pat obuchowski said...

It’s not that unusual
when everything is beautiful.
It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

The sky knows when it’s time to snow.
Don’t need to teach a seed to grow.
It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Life is like a gift they say
wrapped up for you every day.
Open up and find a way
to give some of your own.

Isn’t it remarkable, like every time a raindrop falls,
it’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Birds in winter have their fling.
They always make it home by spring.
It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

When you wake up everyday,
please don’t throw your dreams away.
Hold them close to your heart,
so we’re all a part
of the ordinary miracles.

Ordinary miracles…

Do you want to see a miracle?

It seems so exceptional
that things just work out after all.
Just another ordinary miracle today.

Sun comes up and shines so bright,
and disappears again at night.
It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Just another ordinary miracle today…

The above lyrics are from the theme song of Charlotte's Web called 'Ordinary Miracles' by Sarah McLachlan. You can listen to it at: http://music.aol.com/artist/sarah-mclachlan/13644/main

It just fits into the season for me looking for those 'ordinary miracles' which it all is, which we all are, extra-ordinary miracles.

Merry Chirstmas Laura and Judy. God bless you both.

Love, Pat O

Thursday, December 21, 2006 12:39:00 PM

 
Anonymous Jeanne Cunningham said...

Dear Laura:

Here on the East Coast, it is 7:20 p.m., exactly 2 minutes away from the start of winter. Happy Solstice. Happy Return to Light at the Darkest Moment.

Laura, I'm so glad you are feeling better and stronger of late. Please know that you are in my thoughts *every* day...in the thoughts of so many people every day, that's really "showing up."

Love and wishes for a Merry, Merry Christmas.

XO Jeanne C

PS. Finished "China Study"

Thursday, December 21, 2006 4:42:00 PM

 
Anonymous Hesteah Mann said...

Dearest Laura,

I have been thinking so much of you recently. Just finished reading yesterday's message from you on the blog. I'm sending the best warm thoughts and love for a kind and open heart for you as you recieve and take in the latest test results. I hear your story loud and clear "data from test results are always a challenge".

May laughter come to you and Judy often in the holidays ahead and the return of the light draw love from your hearts as the sun entices life into new growth.

Sending love and blessings,

Hesteah

Friday, December 22, 2006 3:07:00 PM

 
Anonymous Donna Krone said...

Showing up. It is a confusing topic for me. It seems not showing up can be showing up when you do it with a stake. And showing up without a stake can really be not showing up!
If I show up on this board while I am forgetting about the people living in my house around the corner from the computer have I shown up? If I show up for myself at the expense of others or show up for others at the expense of myself have I shown up?
It is such a paradox and I guess it is simple too. If I am fully conscious and at choice with my showing up and I do it with a stake then it is authentic. I imagine some versions of showing up as a deep clear blue color and other versions as sort of pale and fuzzy.
Laura the way you have shown up here on this blog is so clear and crisp and in focus! From this angle the way you have shown up to fight the fight also feels like it couldn't be bluer!!
I loved the quotes form Angeles Arrien. The warrior is a place I have just started to explore. I would have never imagined myself and warrior in the same sentence but more and more I see how important it is for me to keep moving towards that.

When I read "three more sleeps till Christmas" I felt a little tingle. When I was growing up several of my young girlfriends and I had a ritual. No matter what holiday was aproaching we would hold hands and run around "all three houses" chanting however many days it was till that holiday. We called it "running around all three houses" We would ask each other "what do you want to do today" and if there was a holiday aproaching we might answer "let's run around all three houses" The houses were fairly spread out and and it was a bit of a workout. Today we would be chanting "three more days till Christmas" we did it to a little sing songy tune and skipped and ran until the excited energy was somewhat released.
Don't know where I am going with that one..maybe to wish you and Judy the childhood excitement of three more days till Christmas. (that works!)

Love,
Donna

Friday, December 22, 2006 9:47:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Laura,

It's 9ish in the morning here in Toronto, Canada...today will be about wrapping the final gifts and preparing a Christmas dinner for my boyfriend's mother and stepdad. And before I start with that, I wanted to take you up on your invitation to post (I've never done this blog thing before)!

We met a week ago at the Mother Tree - R4 for the Deer. Since then, I have thought of you often, toasted you, spoken of you, and over the last few days, I've read through various posts on this blog. What an interesting feeling as I read Helen House's posts in particular...she led my In The Bones course here in TO about a year ago, and she's part of the reason I enrolled in the Leadership program. I had inadvertently taken her chair after an exercise, and apologized as she called me on it; she responded with a challenge that sounded something like: tell you what - you can take the Leader's chair if you sign up for Leadership. (Thanks Helen!)

But I digress. I have enjoyed reading the posts, and re: your piece on showing up... I wanted you to know that your 'showing up' at The Mother Tree last Saturday meant the world to me. Yes - talk about impact! I feel so blessed and fortunate...not to mention inspired and called forth. What a gift.

And as I re-enter my world here, I'm finding myself really wanting to hang onto what i've learned, to embody it, and to surround myself with people who GET it, so that the chances of me reverting back are minimized. Sometimes, i feel really strong...and other times, i feel a bit more wobbly. Know what I mean?

It took me a while to really 'show up' in the program (i think it was R2 that I came out of hiding)...and my intent is to keep showing up in the Deer community, as well as here and other relevant places, to stay connected and to keep the fire alive.

So, thank you, Laura...for coming that day, for your courage and your strength, and for fighting and living well in the face of this battle.

May you continue to find/source everything you need within yourself and others to keep your foot on the pedal, to keep fighting.

Wishing you peace, love, laughter and joy over Christmas and always,
Mena xo

Saturday, December 23, 2006 6:24:00 AM

 
Blogger Shekinah Shephard said...

Hi Laura,

Well I am sure the Meadow House is Alive with all of Santa Helpers and Christmas Cheer and Carols singing happily.

I will have to reread Angeles Arrien and the Four Fold Way. I took her year long Four Fold Way program, and I really don't remember her going into a lot about showing up, so I will have to reread and see what comes up for me now as it has been at least 5-6 years since I took her program with Laura and Jill.

I guess there are many ways we show up for ourselves and others and sometimes we don't show up for many different reasons. I guess the question is always am I willing to be present to this moment right now. That is showing up for me as sometimes I am off in the clouds or hiding under my pillow or showing up big time. It really is all about where I am at the present moment which could be just about anywhere. My wish is to be present for each moment as it comes to me. To let it unfold so that I may be present for my life and all that it offers me.

Right now I am here showing up writing to you and thinking of you and Judy and sending you my love and wishes for a Joyful Holiday Season. I am praying for you and knowing that whatever the test results say you will do what you have to do for yourself and Judy. Right now it is Christmas and I know how much you and Judy love this time of year. So I say Merry Christmas and May Santa give you all that you Ask for and much more.

I will see you Christmas Day and I am so looking forward to that.

Love and blessings,


Shekinah

Saturday, December 23, 2006 3:10:00 PM

 
Anonymous Maria Garza-Lennon said...

Dear Laura - On this beautiful Christmas Eve morning, I just want to wish you and Judy and all your loved ones a very Merry Christmas. May the spirit of the holiday bring you joy, hope, blessings and miracles. Isn't that what Christmas is all about? I'll be back in a couple of days... Lots of Love, Maria Garza-Lennon

Sunday, December 24, 2006 7:20:00 AM

 
Anonymous Breeze Carlile said...

Hey Babe,

Lucky me I get to bask in the glow of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my beloveds You and Judy. I am slowly getting ready for the lovely ride north through the backroads of Sonoma loaded with food and wine for our dinner and presents for our souls.

Been learning from you this year, as always. Ate my bowl of Total with Agave sweetner this morning and am sipping a delicioso vegetable and fruit juice made with the amazing Breville juicer you guys gave me for my birthday. Thought about skipping it but then remembered the healthy future I want for myself and now I get to enjoy it.

Showing up or not showing up to me lately is in the sentences left unsaid. I said "Thank you for inviting me" last night when what I meant was "I can't believe my good fortune to be included as a member of your family, your love touches me, and singing the Christmas carols tonight, even badly, was icing on the cake." I said "I'm not going to be at your house this Christmas morning, see you at New Years" when what I meant was "I am really going to miss being in the warm lively middle of your family Christmas morning, it still surprises me that you expected me there, wanted me there." I said "Hey Babe how are you?" when what I meant was "My heart is breaking with concern for you, can I be with you in a meaningful way, above the Christmas noise?" I said "Thanks for calling" when what I meant was "I love love when you just pick up the phone to talk to me about any little thing, it makes me feel loved and keeps you in my life even though you are so far away."

So as Paul Harvey said "the rest of the story" . . . the image seems to be one of leaning into, leaning into moments, conversations, the now. Keeping my attention on what is happening, not what is next. Savoring. I'll be doing this over the next week in all the holiday parties and plans. I will lean into the moment, say the next deeper truth and see what richness develops.

See you shortly Babe, Happy to have this Christmas with you and Judy and our many beloveds.

Love Breeze

Sunday, December 24, 2006 12:57:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Laura & Judy,
Loving you tonight and thinking of you lots on our XMAS Eve in Colorado. (yes - we made it from Virginia to Denver - woohoo!)
We'll be back in SF next week and can't wait to get back to the familiar...!
In the meantime - wishing you warmth and love and a wonderful Christmas day, and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers - to whatever our higher power may be. : )
Love, Sharna & Kim xoxoxoxo

Sunday, December 24, 2006 5:33:00 PM

 
Blogger K'duite said...

Thank you, Laura, for the wonderful, encouraging, inspiring words to segue 2006 into 2007 and to make it special, especially in the FIGHT!

Christmas is here, it is 1:30 a.m. and I am reflecting on the specialness of the days leading up to this one. I did get the tree up and it is lovely, but many other household chores are awaiting their due attention. Yet, I have a sense of satisfaction in accomplishing some special goals during this holiday, so it has been indeed, a special time for me.

My love to you with prayers as you prepare for another trip to Mexico, as you assess, make decisions, choose courses. Gear for the fight!

Love, Emily

Monday, December 25, 2006 1:49:00 AM

 
Blogger Zoe Windsor said...

Just off for a very well-deserved break and wanted to wish Judy and you Happy Holidays before I jumped on the plane!
Lots of Love from across the pond
Zoe x

Monday, December 25, 2006 7:07:00 AM

 
Blogger Shekinah Shephard said...

Dear Laura,

Ho Ho Ho ! ! Merry Christmas and this is one very special day. It is another day to be Alive and Feeling Wonderful about Being Alive and in th present moment. Reading your Blog and saying Hello and wishing you the most Wonder-filled Christmas ever.

I can't wait to see you and Judy tody and feel the energy of the Christmas spriit at the Meadow House and to celebrate for a few hours the wonder of this year and all that has taken place and being able to celebrate with you and Judy and to bring in another year to heal.

Sending you a virtual hug and kiss until I can do it in person.

Love and Blessings,


Shekinah

Monday, December 25, 2006 8:27:00 AM

 
Blogger Bill Pullen, MCC said...

Laura,

Here's to a very special holiday season. Thank you for the way you continue to touch my life. As you always have, you continue to challenge me to show up in new ways, to bring more of myself to the world. For that I will be eternally grateful.

Much Love,
Bill

Tuesday, December 26, 2006 12:58:00 PM

 
Blogger Lora Banks Ley said...

Dear Laura and Judy:

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and the Special 2007 you wish for. It is good to hear your words and feel your strength going into the next days, and to Mexico, and to 2007.

Much love, many blessings, and I am back to the work of reclaiming my house from the Christmas piles everywhere. The kids of course loved every moment of it!

All the best,


Lora
lora@TheCoachApproach.net

Wednesday, December 27, 2006 9:15:00 AM

 
Anonymous Jeanne Cunningham said...

Dear Laura:

Today I used the "Special" power that you granted in your last post. All day. What fun it was. What attention there was. What showed up, and up, and up. What didn't show up.

This time between Xmas and New Year is so rich, so beautiful, isn't it? Everything is ending and beginning at the same time.

I've thought a lot about 2007 as the Kick Cancer's Butt year. Please know that I am on board...ready for a fight -- your fight and my fight and THE Fight.

XO Jeanne C

P.S. Steps are happening on the Cow Tail project. : - ) Gulp.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006 5:18:00 PM

 
Anonymous Frannie said...

Dear Laura,

Two of my sons (22,26) are first responders - those guys who are the first to show up at accidents, rescues, etc - the first to say, I'm here, lean into me. What if they didn't show up? What a waste their training and intentions would be. And how sorely their absence would be felt. I've been thinking about this ever since I started reading your postings about showing up.

I've been lurking, listening, learning here but not leaning in in the way I know I can and want to. The truth is I've not shown up for you or for me by being a bystander. Where else in my life am I not showing up and wanting to?

I thus declare tonight my special night, the night I will no longer resist being called forth. Funny that it should fall on this night, the eve of my 60th birthday. Sure, I've shown up through most of my life but there's room to show up more, to stretch further, to work those muscles and dig even more deeply. The challenge is to decide what to show up for and then to make that decision the right decision (vs perseverating over whether you're making the right decision in the first place).

Maybe if you put your ear to the ground, you can hear us stomping all across the globe for you, just like the elephants do, and draw strength from those melodies, the sounds of showing up and fighting the fight.

Much love from an Elk in St. Louis,
Fran

Wednesday, December 27, 2006 6:43:00 PM

 
Blogger Shekinah Shephard said...

Dear Laura, Judy,

Wishing you both a Happy New Year. As you know Clive and i will be travelling tomorrow to go up to Mendocino to celebrate New Years and have a few days of R&R. We will be thinking of you both as we toast to the New Year and send you much love for a year of Well Being and FUN FUN FUN.

Sending Happy New Year Wishes to Fellow Bloggers, it has been great getting to know all of you this year and chatting virtually. Looking forward to more in 2007.

In Joy and Gratitude,


Shekinah

Saturday, December 30, 2006 2:02:00 PM

 
Blogger Harper Mann said...

Hi Laura and Judy.
Happy New Year. I hope you are joyous and thinking about what's coming up that you will love.

I've been getting Caitlin and Claire to tell me, at the end of the day, as they go to sleep, what was fun today. They love doing it and I know this because I don't have to talk them into it, I just need to ask. Yesterday, after gymnastics camp, since they are out of school, it was Trampoline.... Of course, I need to tell them what fun I had as well which gets me into that space. I got to go hang out at ThirstyBear with my team after work. From there, it's not too far for each of us to think of what we're looking forward to tomorrow.

So I hope you've had a thought for something fun tomorrow and I hope I get to do something fun with you soon.

Love,
- Harper

Sunday, December 31, 2006 12:06:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Laura....
Your words from R2 still play in my head: "You may worry but you may not doubt." I thank you for them as I thank you for the gift of YOU.

I am sourcing great strength, WILL and health for 2007.

love...Otter Peg

Sunday, December 31, 2006 7:02:00 AM

 
Anonymous Debra Martin said...

Dear Laura and Judy,

Happy New Year! May this year be a time of health and happiness. May there be extra surprises. May the beauty of life on this earth overwhelm you.

Love,
Debra

Sunday, December 31, 2006 6:05:00 PM

 
Anonymous Jeanne Cunningham said...

Dear Laura:

Happy New Year!

XO Jeanne C

Monday, January 01, 2007 6:30:00 AM

 
Anonymous Maria Garza-Lennon said...

Hi, Sweet Laura. Happy New Year! May 2007 be a year that delivers good health, well-being, much goodwill and lots of love to you.

Love, Maria Garza-Lennon

Monday, January 01, 2007 6:04:00 PM

 
Blogger Art Shirk said...

Happy New Year Laura and Judy!

I like your words from Christmas eve about the choice we continually make about the life we live... what and who we make be special, or hard, or amusing, or a struggle... It has me thinking again about the degree to which I am "choosing life" each step of the way...

Between xmas and new years I moved into my new house... up into the 3rd floor attic apartment while the house is renovated. In a month or two when it is finished JOhn and I will move into the main house together -- and in the meantime I'm sort of camping out upstairs. It is a new adventure in life.

My thoughts are with you both as we move into 2007. Lots of love to you...

Art

Tuesday, January 02, 2007 7:39:00 AM

 
Blogger Moira said...

Happy New Year!

Returned from my holiday trip to Portland; getting out of Denver that weekend before Christmas was an interesting experience. The airport early that Saturday morning could have been a stressful experience (four hours from the time I parked my car until I got through security, and I missed my flight) and I just stayed in the "it is what it is..." space.

Just as we were getting to the "switchbacks" at the security gate, a woman with her husband, three kids and parents cut in line just behind us. In spite of the minor protests, grousing, voting (!), she would not relinquish her space. And I reflected, "is *this* showing up?" She certainly had a stake and a clear intention to not miss her plane. There was something of the "mama bear" in her, so I make up that she was paying attention to what has heart and meaning for her.

It brought up the idea that what it means to "show up" may be different, or have a different impact, depending on one's stage of development (Wilber's AQAL model) or which vMeme one is operating from (Spiral Dynamics).

I stayed with my mother in Portland. She is 79, and there is concern among my siblings about her capacity to take care of herself, to continue to live on her own. "Showing up" in that scenario means holding her creative, resourceful and whole. It means having frank conversations with her, rather than whispering with sibs behind her back. It means surprising her by taking care of some of things she has a harder time getting around to. (I went to the car dealership and got a new key to her car, because the old one actually turned the car on less frequently than not. And then I thought about all the small things that just work that we take for granted! To actually put the key in and have it easily turn on - such joy! :-) And it means appreciating that whatever way it shows up, we are all expressing how much we love her in the best way we know how.

I went for walks in the woods, frequently. Smelling the moist, mossy, GREEN scent of the rainforest, so different from the "nature" I walk in here in the high desert of Colorado.

Appreciating it all is my current theme.

Appreciating you, and your thought-provoking questions; your Fight and your willingness to keep Fighting.

love,

Moira

Tuesday, January 02, 2007 12:31:00 PM

 
Anonymous Brenda Dahlie said...

Happy New Year Laura! It's been a while since I last wrote and it's been a while since you wrote your last wonderful and powerful encouragement to us to savour every day.

In the space of the current quietness on the blog, I have been thinking about the topic of showing up. I know there are many, many people out there in the quiet - (it's almost that I can hear you all breathing!) We're here Laura. We're here with you. Quiet and holding you with love.

David and I were given a book by Thich Nhat Hanh at Christmas - and the wrapping contained a sort of "coles notes' of several of his books. I loved what the wrapping said about one of his books called True Love:

"In True Love, he offers readers the technique of conscious breathing as a method for synchronizing the mind and body to establish the conditions of love. He goes on to offer a mantra practice for generating love that consists of expressing FOUR intentions in our relationships. These include:

- "Dear one, I am really there for you"

- "Dear one, I know that you are there, and I am really happy about it"

- Dear one, I know that you are suffering and that is why I am here for you" and

-"Dear one, I am suffering, please help me".

I think each of these reflects a way of showing up which can change even in a day. For me, the one that speaks my heart for you is "dear one, I know that you are suffering and that is why I am here for you". AND it could also say "dear one, I know that you are ...... (fill in the blank) and I am here for you for that (whatever the that is).

I also know that, while I am hungry for your thoughts and updates (that's the "take" part), I also come to the space of this blog to help build this magical and supportive web of love, encouragement, and strength that is focused on you and what you are needing each day - to help soften your suffering, to share your joys and insights that come from this path of struggle, and to support your quiet periods.In friendship and love.

Warmest hugs,
Brenda

Sunday, January 07, 2007 8:52:00 PM

 
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