Personal Notes to Laura: January - March 1 2007
Hi Everyone, this is a place where you can post personal notes and expressions to Laura. Please use the other topic areas to engage in the "stimulating" dialog that Laura so much enjoys.PLEASE MAKE NEW POSTS TO THE SECTION ABOVE TITLED: "PERSONAL NOTES FOR LAURA AND JUDY."
How to Post to this Blog
Hi Everyone,
Here are a few helpful hints regarding how to post comments to this blog.
How to Post Comments to the Blog
- At the end of each topic, click on the link to the right of the time stamp (e.g., 3 comments).
- You'll have the option to "choose an identity." To post, select "other" if you wish to include your name with your posting; or select "anonymous" if you prefer.
- If you have any trouble posting...please reach out to Stacy Parson (sparson@deloitte.com) or Harper Mann (harper.mann@comcast.net)
Posting Personal Notes to Laura
If you'd like to post a personal note to Laura, please post to the topic titled:
Personal Notes to Laura
Thanks for being here.
Love, Stacy
101 Comments:
Hi Laura and Happy New Year! I am sorry we missed you last weekend, we were hoping to stop by and give some new year hugs. Case and I were at Bodega Bay spending quality time at the ocean. We sent our Laura Living Well wishes out the the great expanse of sea! While it was great beach time and my favorite place for reflection, we spent 3 days with 2 of our friends children, both of whom we love. After 3 days together, I can assuredly say, motherhood is not for me. So that is exciting to say out loud with a renewed sense that this is really the right decision. In a way, now I feel like I can get on with the next plan, knowing I'm not waffling around the issue. Anyway, that's the latest with me. I am still formulating what the theme is for 2007, but for you I wish only big wins in your fight and all you dream for yourself. Much love to you and Jude xxooxxoxox jen hagerman, yes, it's official :)
Friday, January 05, 2007 11:54:00 AM
Have you checked into this already?
Reata Announces RTA 402 Entering Clinical Development
Promising Oral Anticancer Drug Has Unique Preclinical Profile
DALLAS, TX –April 6, 2006 -- Reata Pharmaceuticals, Inc. today announced that its third development candidate, RTA 402, has received FDA clearance to begin clinical testing in patients with solid tumors, lymphoma, and myeloma. A clinical trial has been initiated with this agent at the M. D. Anderson Cancer Center.
"Reata is very excited to begin clinical development of RTA 402, based on its striking preclinical profile," said Warren Huff, President and Chief Executive Officer of Reata. "In animal studies, this drug has shown excellent anti-cancer activity by itself, and when used in combination with traditional cancer therapies it enhances their anti-cancer effect while, remarkably, protecting normal tissues from harmful side effects. We believe this novel drug holds great promise for helping cancer patients, and look forward to the start of clinical testing.”
About RTA 402
RTA 402 (also known as CDDO-Me) is a novel targeted cancer therapy with a unique mechanism of action. It exploits fundamental physiological differences between cancerous and non-cancerous cells by modulating oxidative stress response pathways. As a result, the drug is toxic to cancer cells but induces protective antioxidant and anti-inflammatory responses in normal cells. In rigorous preclinical studies, RTA 402 has been shown to:
· inhibit growth and cause regression of cancerous tumors as a single agent and in combination with radiation and chemotherapy
· suppress radiation and chemotherapy-induced toxicities in normal tissues
· cause minimal toxicity in non-human primates when dosed orally at very high doses for 28 consecutive days
This combination of potent anti-cancer effects and protective effects in non-cancerous tissue is unique, and confirmation of this activity in clinical studies would afford RTA 402 a uniquely valuable position in the clinical treatment of cancer.
Reata has initiated a clinical trial of RTA 402 capsules in patients with solid tumors, lymphoma, or myeloma at the M. D. Anderson Cancer Center. Initiation efforts are also underway at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. This trial will set a safe human dose for RTA 402, and will also provide insights into efficacy and side effects of the drug.
Reata’s Synthetic Triterpenoid Program
RTA 402 and a number of related drugs with the same mechanism of action were licensed by Reata from Dartmouth College and The University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center. RTA 402 is the second of Reata’s synthetic triterpenoids to enter clinical studies. RTA 401 (also known as CDDO) began clinical testing in patients with leukemia during 2005.
In addition to these two lead drugs, several other analogues have shown highly promising activity in preclinical studies. Recently, the imidazolide derivative of CDDO (CDDO-Im) was featured on the cover of Cancer Research. This agent demonstrated excellent activity in preventing liver cancer in mice exposed to aflatoxin, a toxic fungus known to cause liver cancer in humans.
Sunday, January 07, 2007 10:25:00 AM
Ooops! Just realized that I posted this in your sacred space last night...I'm going to give this another try by pasting the whole thing I posted yesterday....But first, I have to tell you that I haven't been able to stop chewing on the conversattion here re "showing up" and how that issue has shown up in my life as well as here on your wonderful blog and in others' lives. I'll write more about that as it blossoms more fully...take care dear heart - -Love, Heather
*********************************
Balmy Upstate New York
Saturday, January 6
Hey there, sweet pea --
I've just taken a deep dive into your words of truth and in-to-me-see ( a.k.a. intimacy) and into the personal notes of others who L-O-V-E you. Whewph! I've taken so much in so quickly just now that I feel almost intoxicated with the outpourings of love and passion and caring without boundaries. With or without hair, you are still the Laura who changed my life in countless ways with countless pithy pointers throughout Leadership. I am touched to the core and inspired. Like Karen, I found myself wondering what if anything of value might be shown by shaving my head in the spirit of that beautiful song that KKH mentions ( and David Roth and others sing so touchingly)…
Like Helen, I have committed to visioning you in your healthiest, feeling f*****’ great mode…Your photos of your 59th make it easy to see you that way. Radiant, happy, strong and surrounded by love…I am touched to the core by your path and your commitment to truth and “working it” , always inspiring us to live bigger and more richly.
Your “showing up” conversation resonates deeply and I will be back to write more about that as I mull it over a bit. “Disappearing despite good intentions” is a game I know well. That’s an old pattern and it can, if permitted, trigger good old-fashioned Catholic girl guilt and shame. Since my days in leadership – when I re-gained my aliveness and oh so much more - -I’ve done better at holding the focus and showing up more consistently, but I tend to be able to hold that focus in only a couple of areas of my life at one time. In terms of holding the focus in my own head and heart, I manage to hold more than I outwardly manifest….There’s more work to be done AND progressis already duly noted.
It’s time for me to lay my weary head down. I’ll be back soon….But first, a quick reminder: Sam and I will be out in California the evening of Monday the 15th and all day the 16th.( Staying with Henry and Karen.) I will follow upwith you and Judy to see whether from your end a visit ( even an uber short visit ) is feasible. Seeing that you have both a bigger game day with the otters on Tuesday and the otters’ retreat formally starting on Wednesday, I am aware that this may not be the best time for you to have visitors. I'll let you and Judy call the shots on that one. I’ll be in touch shortly. In the meantime, know that we have you firmly in our minds and hearts as radiantly experiencing the health and beauty you are exuding….
Love always - -
Heather
Saturday, January 06, 2007 9:16:38 PM
Sunday, January 07, 2007 3:15:00 PM
Hey there - -
I'm back briefly....I can't seem to figure out how to delete my mis-placed message in your sacred space....If anyone else can, please feel free to delete the message I cleverly deposited in Laura's posting place last night. Many thanks - Love - -Heather
Sunday, January 07, 2007 3:20:00 PM
Dear Laura - HERE you are! Up here on top of the blog site. I don't know how I missed it - both your comments and others - and so sent a note to the December section. If you read it ( I won't bother cutting and pasting), you'll see that I got caught up in what I thought was a quiet time on this blog - everyone waiting to hear from you. And lo - you'd already bolted into the New Year with your actions wands a'blazing!! I have to say I feel immensely relieved:):)!
I'll go and regroup and come back tomorrow.
Huge hugs,
Brenda
Sunday, January 07, 2007 9:09:00 PM
Hey Babe,
Still chewing on your inquiry about what Showing Up means. Here's more from me: “Showing up” is also about our stories and how difficult, even with the best of intentions it is, to give them up. Because in doing so we have to redefine who we are without that story.
For example, I wanted to attend the large public high school but instead was sent to a small Christian private school. I’ve been angry about that for years and yet it was in this smaller community that I developed the leadership & motivation skills as Class President, Captain of the Cheerleaders, First Chair in band and enjoyed the mercy of a geometry teacher (who liked me despite of my math skills) that resulted in, among other things, the support of CTI at its beginnings and the formation and definition of the profession of coaching.
So today I examined what changes in me as I Show Up, finally, without this story – that in fact my parents may have forced me to a school I didn’t want but gave me the great gift of opportunity, attention, the smaller pond where I flourished. And yet it is a very internal feeling place – not in my intellect – where the story has to be rewritten. Showing up is about wholeness, not thought. I can feel the reluctance to let go of this thread of the tumor that I carry comprised of resentments, disappointments, betrayals, cautions, slights and unmet desires. Even as I believe there is great joy without this thread (story line), there is reluctance to let go.
I notice that seeing it from a neutral, non judgement place helps me shift. Wry amusement at my arrogance towards my parents helps me shift. I notice smiling helps me shift. What else will?
Looking at my new dream board and the wants or wanting that I have illuminated for myself, helps. If those dreams aren’t enough to have me let go of this strand then I have not yet dreamed big enough for myself.
I’ll keep studying the board and focus on feeling the difference in my body from the freedom of what I have created versus the tightness of an old story. It could take time or it might be instantaneous. Meanwhile I’ll Show Up, practicing Me without that story in my world. This will reinforce the healthy feeling of its freedom. And then I’ll take on the next story/thread . . .
Loving you on this rocky path, Breeze
Monday, January 08, 2007 6:19:00 PM
Dear Laura:
Just found the new postings here at the top. I'm glad. I wondered where you went, and here you are!
XO Jeanne C
Tuesday, January 09, 2007 2:45:00 PM
Dear Laura
In two days I am leaving to do work in Kenya, leading two workshops on team development. Most of the participants will be Africans. I was reading the blog postings and thinking about showing up and wondering how that theme fits into what I am doing out in the world and how I can keep the ripples on the pond going all the way to Africa.
I will bring showing up to these folks and I will model it for them to the best of my ability.
Thank you for showing the way, for getting that first ripple going.
Love
Lynne
Thursday, January 11, 2007 6:13:00 AM
Happy New Year Laura & Judy! I was just 'passing through' and thought I'd drop a note.
Vancouver looks like a winter wonderland with a blanket of sparkling white and unusual for this coastal rainforest snow. It's expected to return to our usual 40 degrees F temps next week, in the meantime I'm enjoying the magic.
Laura, your spirit and determination never cease to amaze and inspire me. You are in my heart and I send you sparkling winter energy and clarity and love. B:}
Friday, January 12, 2007 8:57:00 AM
Happy New Year dear one:
I'm looking forward to dancing with you next week!
As I read your posting about showing up, it brought to mind for me the Level 4 Leadership Model. . .particularly the ACT and STAY part.
You mentioned the STAKE at the center. ..the "for the sake of" and the ACT part. I wanted to make sure that STAY got included.
STAY is so great. It really does hold the essence of giving yourself fully to something. . .to STAY with it, through the rough waters and past the inveitable failures..
Recovering over and over again to that STAKE, the thing that you are standing for. Making sure that the "job" (whatever the job is) by god gets done.
I hope you are having a lovely (if somewhat chilly) Sunday. I'm going to call you in a little bit and see if I can't sneak in a little visit.
I love you,
Karen
Sunday, January 14, 2007 7:56:00 AM
Laura,
Checking in I, once again, vibrate with the message you write. Having begun a new, bigger job - one I feel is the culmination of my employee benefits career - I am filled each day with the challenge of Showing Up. In addition to my work in the Awakening Joy class, my commitment to a nightly meditation session (however brief) has energized me to think big. Big breaths, big ideas, big heart....
Sending you energy for the week and all it holds as well as moments of rest to look around and take in all that you have created.
Loving you,
Hesteah
Tuesday, January 16, 2007 8:36:00 PM
Hi Laura, (jen L here)
Just a few words. I want you to know that I am still here and reading your blog with interest.
Sending you prayers and good thoughts.
I am working these days on Presence, which has a lot in common with your ideas of Showing Up, I think.
I go back to the basics. What it's hard to stay present to, what it's easy to stay present to. How much easier it is to use activity or planning or socializing or general busyness to avoid simply being present to what is uncomfortable, or not even truly uncomfortable, just something other than comfortable or comforting.
I took on a chore I've promised countless coaches over the years--to go through a very old box of photos and papers. To organize and sort and throw out. That was a hard stack to be present to, let me tell you. Wedding photos of the marriage that ended long ago in divorce; old love letters; pictures of kittens that turned into cats and went missing; friends I have failed to stay in touch with. There were of course also many smiles: pictures of my leadership group, the Swords, including some of you and Henry and Elaine; beautiful places I felt so lucky to have seen; pictures of the Old City in Jerusalem that I visited in the mid-80s; a whitewater rafting trip where I got dunked into a Class 5 rapid and survived, shaken not stirred; old poems that I'd forgotten I'd written and hey I actually enjoy.
It was a little stack, by any standard, but a big stack of feeling for me. It's so much easier to be on autopilot and watch TV, than to feel all that going through that stack brought up.
So that's a few more cents on showing up--showing up for me, for myself, that is, seems to require a lot of compassion. I think it's easier for me to extend that compassion to others than to myself.
All for now. Sending you prayers and cyberkisses.
-jen
Thursday, January 18, 2007 11:45:00 AM
Dear Laura:
Thinking of you during this week of the Otters' R3.
The silence. The space. The savoring. Ahhh.
May you take it all in.
XO Jeanne C
Friday, January 19, 2007 3:18:00 AM
Hi Laura,
It was so good to assist you and Rick in doing your mini-Bigger Game workshop this week. It was such a great event. I loved sitting under your leading, once again.
I also enjoyed meeting Judy and Isha. You are truly in good hands. I'm sure that you and Karen are having a wonderful week with the playful Otters. I really liked them! And they love you and Karen. A blessing for all of you.
Love,
Debra
Friday, January 19, 2007 12:12:00 PM
Dear Laura,
I've been absent for a spell as I've been doing too much travel and too much leading. Wanted to congratulate you on being BRILLIANT at R3 of the Otters. (Rumor has it you were indeed brilliant!) Oh my. How you do inspire me. Thank you for that.
More to come as I get my own strength back. May this be a wonderful week of rest, healing, and savoring the afterglow of a great co-lead.
YAHOO!!
Love,
Helen
Monday, January 22, 2007 2:33:00 PM
Laura,
Arriving home this morning after a sleep deprived all night flight post R3, the intensity of the experience with you, Karen and the Otters hit bodily with a force words cannot describe.
Saying yes to all of it - the full intensity and range and Sacred Mystery of all of it - feeling it in the marrow - the joy, the pain, saying yes to the full experience of it - the memory broke thru of you in intense pain with your head on my shoulder - and me feeling helpless to do anything but breathe with you and stay present -
And in the midst of reliving that moment, a song came to me - a song I used to sing to my children as babies when they would be in pain and cry in the middle of the night - Edelweis from the Sound of Music - I sang this song to you this morning and I cried and sent the beauty of that song to you with a love and intensity that words cannot capture. I hope it made your day a little better.
With Fierce Compassion,
Scott
Monday, January 22, 2007 6:35:00 PM
Hi Laura,
This is Anita and I was fortunate enough to be part of the Otter's R3 with you last week. Lady Laura, you are amazing! You are so fiercely loving! You inspire each and everyone of us!
I saw this question today:
How are you going to inhabit this day?
Laura, you show us how to do this!
With Love, Joy and Huge Gratitude,
Anita
Tuesday, January 23, 2007 8:45:00 AM
Delicious Laura,
Wow, what an amazing week! Waking up this morning my body begins to integrate the love, beauty, compassion, mystery and magic of the Bigger Game and R3. It feels like a collective birth.
I feel every fiber of my body, mind, heart and soul was stretched to the perameters of the universe and back again.
I am living in the beingness of everything.
I feel so lucky and grateful...there just aren't words to capture the exquisiteness of the experience. You, Rick, the Bigger Game. Karen, the assistants and my amazingly fantabulous fellow Otters.
I wanted you to know what a difference you have made in my life. In my capacity to BE and be in service...truly.
AAAAAAhhhhhhhhhh and MMMMMMMMMM and I am sending you a cyber hug to fill you with all that you gave each of us and more.
XOX,
Maia
Tuesday, January 23, 2007 11:10:00 AM
Laura
It is 2.30am and I cant sleep after returning from R3 with you, KKH and the Otters. I was lying awake letting my thoughts drift through the intense, amazing and yearned for learning and growth of the week past, when my commitment to come back with my thoughts on showing up got the better of me and here I am.
I have seen and experienced showing up and not showing up in a way I have never even been aware of before. I am like a sponge around this learning and am just soaking it up.
One bit I wish to offer is that showing up of the extent and substance that the Otters have been blessed to experience with you has created an indelible print on my heart and my soul. I know I have been seen and will always be seen. So I offer that when you show up and act with full permission and full responsibility with words, without, knowing names or not, something changes in that moment that will always be out there in the world and part of that person whatever they chose to do or whatever happens next.
Laura thank you for your knowing and seeing. Thank you for your words wisdom and fierce love and the impact it is having on me, my family, the Otters and beyond.
With love and gentle kisses
Jackie x
Wednesday, January 24, 2007 6:42:00 PM
Beautiful, Beautiful Laura:
Checking in again after R3. It truly was an inspirational journey for all of us - and you and Karen holding us so safe throughout.
From the collective gasp on first seeing you, especially for folks who weren't aware of the physical changes that had been taking place, to the sunshine that eminated as we each came to see you as more beautiful and more radiant day by day. I marvel at how collectively we came to truly see you Laura, and past the vessel that is the physicality. Yes the hats were wonderful, and changed daily, but the real beauty was in our ability to finally see- wholly, fully, beautifully, without judgement, and with abandon! You give us that gift.
And the closing was soooo brave, and breathtaking, and so needed to be said. Another powerful gift. Talk about staying! Your commitment to staying, demands that we too stay, consciously, at full choice, and knowing both the pain and the profound significance of this journey and our roles in it.
I say YA! To you, to the beautiful inspiration that you are, to the brave spirit that you share, to the transparency, and to the lessons that you teach, and the imprint- not only on our hearts, but to the very core of our souls that you leave.
In love and wonder
Wendy
Thursday, January 25, 2007 6:48:00 AM
I'm really struggling with whether or not to post this. The comment about coming across a poem, reminded me of this poem, which I wrote on my Aunt's passing from brain cancer many years ago. It was a healing message for her kids, who recipricated by sending it back to us on my Mom's passing from spindle cell cancer.
AND it occurs to me that as lovely as that was, oh to have actually spoken the words TO my Aunt, or TO my Mother, and not just to their memory. I have often thought that Mark Twain had it right. Wouldn't we all want to attend our own funerals, to hear the impact we've had on others? And what a waste to not share that impact right here, right now (hmmmm don't think there was much learning in R3 hey?!?).
So it is in the spirit of knowing the impact you have on the present, that I share this now.
I remember you as you were
When last we met
It is the distinction
Between appearance
And reality.
Often, as I go about my day
My thoughts drift
To You.
It is not the discord
Between body and brain
That I recall
Not the war
Being raged within the vessel
That was you
It is the harmony
Between spirit and soul
The reality
That IS you.
I recall,
How with such great courage
You faced your foe
How with dignity
You refused to succumb
To the appearance.
It is with pride
That I remember,
A pride so strong
It makes me weep.
Your legacy continues-
In the husband
Who by your side
Found strength of character
He feared, he'd not have.
In the children
Who've called you Mom
In how each is forever imprinted
With you
On their souls.
It is the gifts you gave
Even in parting
The Gift of laughter
Of courage
Of love
And ultimately of freedom -
For yourself,
Freedom from pain,
For us
Freedom for life.
I shall take with me always
The lesson -
To stand and fight
No matter the odds
No matter the cost -
But also the greater lesson
That in the end
With strength of character
And dignity of soul
To go.
It was diffcult to reconcile
Your passing
Since still you are needed so,
And then I remembered
This earth
Is but training for what lies beyond
And when we have learned our lessons well
We graduate
To God's embrace.
We still have much to learn
You have not
For you have learned your lessons well.
Laura, the Level 3 continues to yearn for more of you, AND we stand in service to you.
Wendy
Thursday, January 25, 2007 7:16:00 AM
Hello, Sweet Laura - I have not posted for a short while but I have been visiting to see how you're doing and feeling. Why have I not posted? Well, I guess because my life at the moment seems a bit trivial compared to what you are experiencing, and that makes me a bit shy. And I started wondering if maybe that's one place where people go? So, I pulled myself from that spot to where I am now sharing a bit of triviality with you. Perhaps you could use some at the moment?
We took our three kids to Disneyworld for a few days recently and what a party we had. Both of our girls are still into the princesses and it was magical to see them react. Every time I go to DisneyWorld I think of what a visionary Walt Disney was, and how his legacy survives and continues to grow so many years after his death. He created magic and a safe space to be a child (regardless of one's age) by envisioning a place where people are so carried away by the magic that it supercedes everyday life and experiences. I can't help but wish we had more Walt Disneys in the world today. We could all use more magic in our everyday lives.
The kids have been fighting colds and assorted viruses and that's kept Tom and I hopping. Other than that, we've just been going through the motions of life. And I'm glad for our little routines. They are warm and reassuring at the moment. :-)
I wish you much more good health in the near future, Laura. You are way past due to get some really good news, and we're expecting it will come soon. Why not? It's time, you've earned it, and you deserve it. It's time for some magic and a miracle. And I pray for it daily for you.
Lots of love, Maria Garza-Lennon
Sunday, January 28, 2007 8:12:00 PM
Dear Laura:
I am so sorry to hear about your pain. Thinking of you a lot, each and every day.
XO Jeanne C
Monday, January 29, 2007 4:22:00 AM
Dear Laura,
I'm still here! I'm sorry that pain is such a frequent/constant companion of late. Between the pain clinic and Joseph's plan - may you discover magical treatments for it. I can only imagine the impact it must have on your mood, patience levels, etc. When I'm in pain it can be so all consuming. How does it do that? Even if it's just a little thing, it can take over for periods of time. When it's BIG pain the taking over can be BIG too. Yucko!
I hear that this is part of the fight. I hear it loud and clear.
When I went to the video store the other day, I picked out films with lofty themes and worth-my-time titles. My daughter chose dance movies she's seen before. My son chose Jet Li's movie - Fearless. So far, I've watched one of the dance movies and Fearless... the lofty films are still in the bag. :)
Fearless was amazing to watch. Talk about THE FIGHT. At first he fought for all the wrong reasons and it led to some disasterous outcomes. As he evolved and matured, so did his fight. He fought with honor and commanded deep respect in the process. It was amazing to watch him recover constantly while fighting. If he didn't return back to his center as quickly as he was knocked off center, the consequences were clear, immediate, and often severe. That's how he won again and again... recover, recover, recover.
That's what you do... again and again.
Okay... then there's another movie running in my life... a different relationship with The Fight. I have two women friends who are each on the verge of divorce. They THINK they've been fighting for years... but my perspective is that they've been complaining for years. There's a big difference between FIGHTing for something you want and believe in, and complaining about something you want but don't have. After a while, the complaining gets tiresome and it feels easier to give up.
Maybe this is the difference between FIGHTING FOR and FIGHTING AGAINST. My ex-husband and I fought AGAINST each other, rather than fighting FOR the marriage's success. In those moments when it felt like together we were fighting FOR the marriage, it felt like we could conquer anything together. When we were fighting AGAINST each other, we kept taking turns being the one to give up first.
I get so frustrated at my friends who have the tools and resources to fight FOR their marriages, but instead are giving up the fight AGAINST their husbands. They can't see that they are two different battles that need two different strategies. I want to shake them and make them fight for what could be amazing. I want them to do better than I did!
So... back to your pain. I guess I'm curious who/what your fight is when the pain is running the show. Do you find yourself fighting AGAINST the pain and the cancer's strength? Or are you fighting FOR your life? If you catch yourself fighting against the pain, what happens when you make yourself fight for your vibrant life instead? Does it change?
Wanted to give you something to play with and explore to distract you from the distraction of pain.
I'm learning tons here too...
Thanks for the space to explore such thoughts.
I love you and am willing to hold your pain while you rest. Visualize these big ol' arms holding on to that pain for you... however it needs to be held.
Love,
Helen
Monday, January 29, 2007 11:26:00 AM
Dear Laura,
I just want you to know I think of you often, send my healing energies to all of you, and especially for your pain - you are a love and this blog is a big love for so many of us - it's been quite a journey and continues to be so - One of my sayings when I don't like something is "That's such a pain!", but that just pales when I consider your pain - I find of late that when I am able to be occupied with other thoughts and activities, my pain subsides, but mine isn't a physical pain and that's a difference...Laura, I hope you are able to rest and somewhat peacefully during your day...
Lots of love to you,
Mary
Monday, January 29, 2007 1:40:00 PM
Hi Miss Laura,
What a wonderful surprise yesterday was! Talk about showing up. It seems like we have talked quite a bit here about showing up for what's hard. I watched you show up for what matters...saying goodbye to Andrew. You must know how much he loved that. And it was such a gift for the CTI staff to get to meet you and Judy.
I know that you are in pain and that you are struggling with that and yet...I saw that you had a compelling purpose that pulled at your heart and drew you out and apart from the pain. It was still there, but there was also joy and beauty and celebration.
Thank you for being here and for honoring and loving Andrew. It meant the world to him.
Love,
Debra
Tuesday, January 30, 2007 2:54:00 PM
Dear Laura
Pain sucks! It's hard not to be short, irritable, distracted and miserable when pain is a constant companion. Curious - hmmmm I'm not sure I've ever been really curious about pain. But let's ponder that. There are many kinds, intensity and sensations of pain. Pain can be physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual. Pain can be life giving - like childbirth, life affirming - like recovering from a painful experience, useful, useless... What else?
It can be harder to be with someone else's pain - especially someone you love, than your own. How is Judy with your pain? Hi Judy - how are you with Laura's Pain? When my daughter had surgery and was in a lot of pain afterwards I felt it in a visceral way. I felt helpless in the wake of her suffering. Thank goodness the surgery was successful and she got great benefit from it.
Okay - now I am curious about pain. Thanks Laura, for opening a door to a different dimension.
You're in my heart and I send you love, pure light and healing energy. Love B:}
Tuesday, January 30, 2007 10:16:00 PM
Laura-la--I'm writing from bali, where it's steamy, steamy, steamy. I know you've been having the coldest winter in years; it's hard to imagine at this moment but I know how it cuts to the bone.
My dad had shingles a decade ago and it was the most painful thing that ever happened to him. I am so sorry you have to be going through this...and so thrilled you had the BG workshop and Leadership to distract you--no more, to call you out in where you love to play and where you are the best in the world at what you do.
I love you lots, Laura, and have been praying for you in flower-strewn hindu temples for the past two weeks.
Much much love to you and Jude. I look forward to seeing you next month.
Kisses--caroline
Tuesday, January 30, 2007 11:59:00 PM
Hi Laura
I hope your relationship with pain leaves you some peace.
Glad you had a great R2 with Otters. It is almost a year now since our Earthquake R4 - hard to beleive it possible. And, it is amazing how clear still the echo of your words.
Love
Jeanne b
Thursday, February 01, 2007 6:45:00 AM
Laura,
Focusing on you intensely today - from the infinite depth of heart, sending brilliant Love and Blessings your way.
Soak it in. Soak in it - the soothing waters of shanti, shanti.
Fierce Compassion,
Scott
Thursday, February 01, 2007 12:06:00 PM
Hi Laura & Judy,
Sharna & I are back from our dreamy "long weekend" in Maui. We saw the humpback whales for the first time ever, and oh my what an amazing sight they were. Very aweing, especially when we would see them breach/jump out of the water. We had a beautiful time and so enjoyed the warmth and being away from wintery SF!
I will be honest here and go out on a limb and say that I don't know how to engage around the topic of "pain." I wonder if anyone else has this problem too? I'm sure they must... What in the world do I write here? I want to say that I am sorry you are in pain, and I can't imagine what that pain must be like. And then what comes to my head is "Boy, I don't want to think about what that pain is like" and "I hope I never know" And then I find myself thinking about something else...like the whales in Hawaii. Hmmm... It is easier to think about just about anything else besides pain!!! And if I do engage with it, it feels like I can hold it for only a moment before I just want to travel off to some other topic...any other topic... especially the whales in Hawaii! But for you Laura, I will stay here for a moment longer, though it is hard. It is hard to think about you being in pain, and hard to think about how Judy feels seeing you in pain. I want you not to be in pain! Don't confuse that with not fighting though - I want you to keep fighting and apparently that means you have to be in pain for now. My wish is for you and what I will hold for you then is that you just keep on fighting through that pain, and that you come out at the other end of it healed and healthy. Back to fight fight fight!
But it is very interesting...this difficulty in engaging with pain. I guess it's somewhat obvious...who wants to engage with something painful??? Obvious but not so obvious until I put it into words here and realized that I so just wanted to write about the whales....!
Anyway, lots of love to you and Judy, and thank you for helping me to pause a moment in my day and do something that apparently does NOT come naturally... I hope that it is worth something to you and feeds your fabulous and brilliant mind - at least for a moment...as long as I could hold it!!
Love,
Kim
Thursday, February 01, 2007 1:28:00 PM
Dear Laura:
Thinking of you and checking in from Vermont. It is still dark here this morning. It is Groundhog Day. The light is growing and the earth is beginning to tilt towards spring.
XO Jeanne C
Friday, February 02, 2007 3:43:00 AM
Hey Laura, (Jen L here)
My Mom had shingles a year or so ago. On advice from the pharmacist, she got some pain cream. It did basically nothing. Then she ground aspirin into a paste with some oil mixed in and put it on the spots. And that worked a little bit. But still she said it hurt like hell.
I found and offered a small stash of prescription painkillers and those really helped. In the morning, she said "You saved my life." I'm like, yeah sure Mom whatever. She said, "No. No kidding. I've had broken bones that didn't hurt as much as that. I wanted to die. I couldn't take it anymore." Now keep in mind this is a woman who survived three months in a halo after having cervical vertebrae fused. She knows pain. So, yes, I have a lot of respect for the pain of shingles. A few months later, she had herself ambulanced to the hospital because she thought she was having a heart attack. Now we know that was the post herpetic neuralgia you write about. Nasty bad stuff, my friend. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this too.
In my research into my own undiagnozed malady (mainly fatigue) I came across an article that correlates depression and pain for arthritis sufferers. Guess what they found out? Treat the pain and the depression gets better. My learning? Don't underestimate the psychological cost of pain. Even mild pain showing up chronically makes me cranky. I yell at the dogs and am A)deeply embarrassed, and B)really glad I don't have children, and C)very happy no on else is around that I have to apologize to.
So.... I would be curious if pain didn't make someone cranky. I am curious at your curiosity. And wishing you whatever pain relief legal or not that works for you.
Please know you are in my thoughts daily, and in my prayers when I pray, and when I see wild things in the fields I think of you and your meadow and hope the turkeys are not bothering you and Judy too dearly.
Big hugs,
-jen
Friday, February 02, 2007 10:19:00 PM
Hello Laura,
You have been on my mind and in my heart and I send love and blessings to you from deep within. There is a recurring thot/urge that keeps coming back.........
I expect that you will be with us at R4. I don't know how it will happen and it's not a demand - I will except what ever happens as the will of the universe, but I am expecting that you will be there and I like doing that - It feels good to hold that intention for you and for us. I expect to see you at R4 and to laugh and cry and grow with you again. I expect that you will be well and strong enough to complete the chapter that we started together. I expect and want and yearn and dream for this to be so - to see you again and look into your incredible eyes and be with you in person once again. I know that you are also fed by this. Close your eyes and receive our love. May it ease your pain and sooth your soul.
- Scott
Sunday, February 04, 2007 1:23:00 PM
Hello Dear and Gentle Heart,
Just a quick 'hello' before some of the Sharks gather again to be at R#5 with Karen and Art tomorrow. Already!
Ahhhhh, what learnings we anticipate and what joy we plan when we show up with full permission and heartful impact!
I'm rooting for you and thinking of you every morning when I'm walking my dog, Maggie, and going through my gratitude list. After thanking God for another day, you're right there on top, and I am always wishing you an easy day full of sun.
Love,
Pat
Monday, February 05, 2007 5:06:00 PM
Hi Laura
Just passing through and thought I'd say Hello!
In the past 2 months we lost our 15 year old dog and her 14 year old daughter is in the final stages of lymphoma. She is feeling good, eating well but is very slow and lethargic (it's all about quality of life!) We know we want another dog in our lives and 2 weeks ago I met an 8 month old black mini poodle. The last sort of dog I thought I wanted. Sofie came home to us last Sat and is such a joy. I was worried my old dog would not take to her but she seems quite okay with it. Dogs can teach you so much about life. They live totally in the moment.
You are in my heart Laura. Barbara :}
Tuesday, February 06, 2007 12:02:00 PM
Originally Posted: Tuesday, January 30, 2007 1:44:01 PM
Peg said...
Laura...
Ok so I've been staring at this damn box now for 10 minutes trying to figure out how to say what I want to convey to you. I am reminded of a friend advising me when stuck in a different situation to just "speak from the heart." I am going to trust that you can read my heartbeats from where you are...that you can feel it's yearning from here....for you to be relieved from your pain yet alive to every single moment, for you to know all the way through how much you are loved and admired, that my heart wants to explode from the gratitude for you and the gift that you bring to me and so many others...I am selfish in wanting more of you and yet I am aware that you continue to teach me (and will forever more) as I speak the mantra you embossed on my heart ("You can worry but you may not doubt"). I carry you proudly and forever in my heart.
Otter Peg
Tuesday, February 06, 2007 4:18:00 PM
Hi Laura and Judy,
We think of you often. I just read about your shingles and -pain-. Ouch. My Mom did that one, could barely stand to wear clothes for a couple of years. May All that Lives and Breathes us grant that you come to the other side of that one sooner than she did!
I'm slowly ratcheting down my engineering work, leaving more time for art. Yea! Here's a new online place I found to show my art. It's easier to update than my website, more informal and an artist's community, so I put new work there more often:
http://pabloruiz.deviantart.com/
Lots of love and wishes and prayers for well and happy,
David and Anita
Wednesday, February 07, 2007 6:36:00 PM
Hi Laura,
When I read your entries I find myself getting lost in words and deep in feeling. I really want to find a secret sauce to make your pain to go away.
Question. Have you seen the pictures on the Otter web site from R3? If you haven't, there is one in particular, #88 to be exact, it is a picture of a beautiful, strong, sex-type beauty who has the biggest heart, who is so generous and has such a passion for "Wanting" and teaching others to "WANT" that I have ever met.
Go up to the web site and you'll know who I'm talking about...
Just so you know, R3 was life changing for me. Like having an organism for the first time, life changing! Yes that darn good. So, thank you for WANTING so much that you fought through the pain to stay with us. Just know that a huge universe is Wanting for you to have more painfree days, weeks and years and loves you very much.
Talk to you again soon. With much love,
Otterette Karen S.
P.S. Hi Judy - it was great meeting you, please come visit us again!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007 6:54:00 PM
Hi Laura,
I was moved to write, as you were in my dream last night. You were urging me to continue doing the work that mattered to me, that I was carrying on an important legacy. It was quite moving--one of those dreams that lingers through the day.
Wherever you are and however you're feeling, I know you are accompanied in spirit by many others like me whom you continue to inspire and challenge.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007 8:25:00 PM
Laura, Was talking with Peg Clarkson a day or two ago and we wondered about you so I thought I would write. I want to post hope and love from Texas to California. You know, you show up in my thoughts often and whenever you do, I send love and energy your direction. Keep the light shining over there, girl. Love you, Sara
Thursday, February 08, 2007 11:54:00 AM
Dear Laura,
It's Mena from Toronto - we met briefly at R4 in Dec (Deer tribe). I do hope you are doing well...i think of you often.
I drove to Michigan last Friday - to be a volunteer adult facilitator for Challenge Day and WOW!!! It was so powerful and exceeded my hopes and expectations (it was so much more than I saw on Oprah). What an unbelievable experience to witness the transformations and breakthroughs for close to 100 Grade 7 and 8 kids!! I LOVED it and I am more determined than ever to bring this to Canada in a big way...(not that I'd limit it to here).
There are some roadblocks in that you have to live in San Fran to train to be a leader AND they are so in demand and over capacity right now that they are booking into NEXT spring! That's a long wait. Their Board of Directors is looking at how to expand it - I'm told they won't have answers for a while. So,as I see it, I can do just one more thing (suggest some solutions) before I start getting to work on a program that sees the same kind of outcome. Gulp! This feels like Bigger Game territory to me. ;)
In the meantime, the wildest things are happening - i went to the hot tub a couple of days ago, and THREE teachers were in it! Yesterday, I was volunteering at an event that the ICF/GTA held - Leading in a Time of Global Crisis - with Julio Olalla. I hadn't paid for a ticket and didn't feel good about going up to listen in...about 5 minutes in, a woman came to me at the reg'n desk (I was alone by that time), and said, "this lady called, said she can't make it, and would like to donate her ticket." What a gift! He was fantastic AND,as it happened, a former teacher was sitting beside me. Yes, we'll be talking more about Challenge Day and the idea of me doing my own version.
We'll see what's in store next...
Also, Helen House's last post is part of the reason I'm writing. I'd wanted to write for a while - from the first time I saw The Secret. Not sure if you've seen it? I assumed you did, which is part of the reason I didn't write sooner. They talk about how when you fight AGAINST something, it gives it more energy and power...and suggest that rather than being anti-war, anti-drugs that you be PRO peace, etc. That what you focus on, you create more of...and rather than focusing on what you don't want, focus on what you do want. And that combined with unwavering faith and belief, you will get what you want - because of the Law of Attraction.
Has me curious about what might be possible for you and us, if we all fully believed that...especially in the midst of great pain and discomfort.
More food for thought...
Huge hugs from Toronto,
Mena
Thursday, February 08, 2007 1:26:00 PM
Ha...my aunt just called. I forgot - The Secret is on Oprah today! I'll have to watch it later.
Thursday, February 08, 2007 1:42:00 PM
Dear Laura and Judy,
I'm joining Isha in holding a powerful intention for your healing in Mexico. May you feel held on your journey.
May you return to us warmed up, healed up, and free of pain.
Loving you from Michigan!
xo,
Helen
Thursday, February 08, 2007 2:08:00 PM
Dear Laura,
I'm joining Isha, Helen, and many others in holding a powerful healing intention for you, and I'm sending you lots of positive healing energy from the east coast.
Love from upstate NY,
Hope
Thursday, February 08, 2007 5:03:00 PM
Hi Laura, Judy and Isha
I normally email behind the scenes, but I know the potential of openly joining the power of intention that you have created Isha, along with many others. I'm on board too.
Linda x
Friday, February 09, 2007 12:48:00 AM
Dear Laura and Judy:
I can guess that it is difficult to focus on healing when there is so much pain and yet, you continue to do it. I remember how difficult it was to focus on the potential joy in the birth of my children when the pain was present. For me it was like, ok f--- it, give me the epidural and let's get to the joy part. And for you, the challenge is different.
So I cannot know your pain but I empathize with it and admire your spirit and commitment to your health.
I do want to make sure that you have heard about this promising treatment out of Canada called DCA (I don't know what it means but someone else will.) I have a client who is a medical researcher and he tells me the research is incredibly compelling and not likely to make it to the US because of patent law etc. He also tells me that the drug has passed FDA safety testing here in the US for other ailments so is accessible.
I am of course available to connect the two of you if the urge arises. I love that you continue to look for healing and possibilities and perhaps, this is one.
All my love,
Lora
Friday, February 09, 2007 8:03:00 PM
Hi Laura and Judy,
Judy I forgot to mention how lovely it was to meet you and laugh together at the Otter R3.
I am imagining that you and Laura get to carry the healing power of all that wildly entertaining creativity and joy with you as you travel to Mexico, returning home vibrantly transformed and completely healed.
Laura, I send you a compassionate cyber hug as you explore being with pain.
It is such a visceral experience; collapsing time, space, choice and our "respond" "ability" like nothing else does. We just instinctively recoil from pain...it drives us places. Usually away as far as fast as possible.
I have danced with pain a few times in my life. Chronic pain, acute long term pain and of course the 3 times in labor giving birth sort of pain.
During one of those experiences I had the good fortune to be with someone who was comfortable and experienced with being with extreme pain.
I was suffering. First I had the fight...the "I can take anything lean into my tenacity" kind of resolve. Then came the anger and rage at the discomfort. The feelings of hopelessness and despair that I could not be with.
At one point my friend asked me what would happen if I just moved toward the pain...I did. The inquiry itself was helpful because it placed me smack dab back in the square of choice. Moving from instinctual reaction to it, to choice about it brought me to a very sweet and profound cycle of surrender. pain. surrender. pain. surrender. pain. healing. surrender. healing. surrender. healing, surrender...health. Health! Healing! Health!
I thought if I surrendered I would die. I did surrender. I did not die. I wonder if this comes up for you in your healing process. Balancing the fight with the surrender toward health?
I am sending you love and deep gratitude for sharing your journey. I look forward to your thoughts and hearing from you soon.
Love,
Maia
Saturday, February 10, 2007 7:14:00 PM
Hello, Sweet Laura. I was reading CNN.com today and ran across the following article. Miracles happen everyday, and we continue to hold the space for yours. It's coming!
---------------------
NEW YORK (AP) -- Daniel Walker was on his final lap jogging in his high school gym class when he collapsed, his flawed heart giving out on him.
More than four days later, his heart at a standstill, kept alive by a bypass machine, it began beating again. The 17-year-old's parents called it divine intervention. His physicians were no less amazed.
"I've been a surgeon for 10 years, and this is probably one of the most incredible things I've ever seen," said Dr. Abeel Mangi, one of Walker's cardiac surgeons at New York-Presbyterian Hospital Columbia.
Walker's father described his son's recovery in spiritual terms. "God turned around, put His hand on my son, and recharged him," said William Walker, 58, a retired sanitation worker.
His son's ordeal began January 19 when he collapsed in gym class. The younger Walker suffered from a rare congenital heart flaw that left his coronary artery pinched, giving him only 10 percent of normal heart capacity. He was shuttled to two hospitals before finding himself at Columbia, waiting for a heart transplant, attached to the bypass machine.
Walker's cardiac surgeons said they could not account for the young man's recovery.
"It's a miracle," Mangi said. "There's really no other way to put it."
Two days after it began to beat on its own, surgeons were able to fix the flaw in Walker's heart, increasing its capacity to 60 percent.
----------------
We're praying for you, Laura. Love, Maria Garza-Lennon
Monday, February 12, 2007 3:42:00 PM
Here's a litle more about the DCA research coming out of University of Alberta...they are saying it's promising, and there are some things to be aware of.
http://www.depmed.ualberta.ca/dca/
My thoughts are with you, Laura, as I join others in wanting and intending warmth, ease, healing and wellness for you.
Mena xo
Tuesday, February 13, 2007 1:46:00 PM
Hello Laura,
Yesterday Oprah had Dr. Oz on her show. He co-wrote "You the Owner's Manual". I think he is a cardiologist by training and was one of the doctor's on President Clinton's heart bypass surgery team.
I am sharing this with you because while you have been healing in Mexico Dr. Oz just globally announced:
"Alternative medicine is a key part in healing. Energy medicine/treatments like acupuncture, reiki, nutrition are the future of healing....
Yeah Laura! The conversation is happening between renowned conventional doctors and the alternative practitioners.
Dr. Oz is passionate about this conversation taking place too!
I see the conference of your dreams between these two groups being globally well attended.
May you enjoy a nourishing re-entry. I look forward to hearing about your journey soon.
Love,
Maia
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 7:42:00 AM
Hi All,
Check out this cool website done by some friends of mine. It's a Valentine's Day card to Mom Earth.
http://www.planetfesto.org/
Please add your own entry if you can take a minute. It's interesting reading anyway.
Love,
- Harper
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 9:59:00 AM
Hi Laura,
I'm sending you and Judy a heartful of love and good wishes. I hope the trip to Mexico has been a restorative one.
Love and kisses,
Debra
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 4:43:00 PM
Dear Laura,
Envisioning healing, miracles big and small, and your cup running over with joy and gratitude. Hoping to see you somehow in late Feb, early March, to continue the march, the dance, the unfolding of BG (the book, the message, the vehicle, any and all of it).
Thank you someone for posting back in December (I think) about the distinction of showing up "for whom" or "for what". I've noticed that in the last few months, I've shown up less consistently here, not so much because I've "gone away" or moved into a comfort zone, but because I've been called to show up bigger in other places. For aging in-laws that needed to be moved into assisted-living. For a husband with break-thru seizures (and other stuff) who can't drive for awhile, for a child with chronic headaches, for a company that sustains my family financially, for a team that sustains BG inside IBM, for a self that was stretched too thin.
And yet, I never left. I think and hope you sensed my love (sometimes during prayer time with the kids, or in the middle of the night, or the middle of the day), thru brief touches on your answering machine, e-mails trying to coordinate the BG Book dance.
Thanks to all who continue to show up here, and at Laura's house, and in so many different ways. I know that when I am pulled away, Laura is still enveloped in love, dialogue, hope and much more by this community.
To miracles in Mexico, continued manifestation of health, joy, renewal, love.
Melissa
Thursday, February 15, 2007 1:31:00 AM
Laura
I'm sending you postitive, healing energy from the snowy sunshine of the farm in Burlington
Jeanne
Friday, February 16, 2007 6:45:00 AM
Hi Laura,
I listened to you on the certification tapes to give myself a coaching booster shot this week. It always works so wonderfully! I thought it would be only fair to return the favor. So here is a little booster shot of strength and love from a coach in Lakeville MA who has never had the pleasure of meeting you in person but who feels your presence powerfully.
Sending healing thoughts.
Love,
Donna
Friday, February 16, 2007 4:56:00 PM
Hi beautiful bloggers and Laura,
I was wondering if Laura and Judy are back from mexico and how Laura is doing.
Laura, if you are not up for blogging can the A Team post an update on your behalf?
Warmly,
Maia
Saturday, February 17, 2007 12:47:00 PM
Hello Laura,
Well, Leadership Mastery training is over as is my first week at my new work. It is so fascinating to look around and see colors and consciously look and act on what wants to happen next. I learned such rich things about co-active leadership and again, I ask myself, "Why would I ever want to do this alone?"
We read a beautiful poem my Mary Oliver called "Sunrise" which I want to share here.
Sunrise
You can
die for it –
an idea,
or the world. People
have done so,
brilliantly,
letting
their small bodies be bound
to the stake,
creating
an unforgettable
fury of light. But
this morning,
climbing the familiar hills
in the familiar
fabric of dawn, I thought
of China,
and India
and Europe, and I thought
how the sun
blazes
for everyone just
so joyfully
as it rises
under the lashes
of my own eyes, and I thought
I am so many!
What is my name?
What is the name
of the deep breath I would take
over and over
for all of us? Call it
whatever you want, it is
happiness, it is another one
of the ways to enter
fire.
- Mary Oliver
What a stake you have right now. I imagine the highest stake one can have is to fight for the sake of living. Of deciding each day to say "Yes!" to life. "Yes!" to all of it. The painless and the painful. It hurts my heart to think of you in pain.
I send you healing thoughts and light from a cool and sunny Foster City day.
Much love to you,
Pat O
Monday, February 19, 2007 10:22:00 AM
Hola Senorita Laurita,
Thank you so much for posting a peek into your life in Mexico. It sounds all consuming, painful and just alot of being with things that are easy not to be with.
If there were an olympic gold medal for "staying" I would hands down award it to you.
It is rare to experience such an example of flexibility, humor, transparency and realness with illness.
I send you ((hugs)) from Santa Cruz.
Maia
Monday, February 19, 2007 11:45:00 AM
Dear Laura,
I've been pretty pissed at you. I left R3 in a funk, and it's largely because of you. As you spoke to us Otters about heading out in to the world with our leadership, in your combo MLK/Patton speech, I gulped, and then I went home and hid.
I realized that you forever took away the "it's too hard" excuse that I've used over and over in my life. And I was mad. Mad, mad, mad.
I've recovered, and now I've got my train back on track, moving forward in my life. And, I'm done being pissed at you. I'm left with gratitude for your tenacity and your strength and your ability to articulate life at such a core level.
I wonder what I could say to you now that would kick your ass. I'd do it in a heartbeat because I know what a gift it is. Here's my question: what's your equivalent of my "it's too hard" block? Leave that behind in Mexico, okay?
Love,
Otter Maggie
Monday, February 19, 2007 2:17:00 PM
Dear Laura:
I liked the poem "Sunrise."
Breathing for each other.
I like thinking that I can breathe into and dissolve the tumors, soften the liver, hasten the detox.
Thank you, Laura.
XO Jeanne C
Monday, February 19, 2007 5:13:00 PM
Laura,
Last July and August I spent many hours with my friend Mary who was very ill in the hospital with leukemia. Frequently she would open her eyes (or just crack one eye open) to see if I was still there. I would respond; "Yes, Mary I'm here". She just wanted to know that I was there, that she wasn't alone. That was all she really needed. Oh sure, I often fetched things for her, but the gift of being there in the stillness was the best.
Mary once told me before making a decision about treatment options; "This isn't a decision to be made quickly or lightly, but once I wrap my mind around it I can do anything".
So... imagine this very large room (the space we call the world), open your eyes (or just crack one open), look around - we're all here Laura. We're sitting with you. Each time you check to see, we'll be here, holding powerful thoughts and prayers for your healing and return to vibrant health.
Yup, still here Laura.
All my love, Sherry
(BG workshop attendee @ CA 9/06)
Tuesday, February 20, 2007 7:14:00 AM
Go Laura – Kick Cancer’s Butt!!!!
You continue to amaze me with your fight and courage. You go girl!! I myself had the flu this past weekend - aches, pains, swollen glands, and a sore throat. I spent a good amount of time sleeping, but when I did emerge from my bedroom to get something to eat, the absolute LAST thing I wanted to eat was vegetables. So I ate peanut butter and jelly and other naughty things instead. And all I could think was that your every day must be about 500X worse than my “flu weekend” and you STILL eat your veggies. Apparently I have some work to do around eating them at times other than just when it is “convenient…” : )
Anyway – just wanted to say hello, and remind you that you are a rock star! Thank you for being an inspiration to us, and for continuing to FIGHT!
Love,
Kim
Tuesday, February 20, 2007 11:19:00 AM
Hi Laura,
My God, what a description from you! How present you are...amazing. I'm here, got your rope...keep fighting. Loving you from afar.
Got to meet Shekinah while she was at CTI last weekend. How loved you are....but you already know that.
Love,
Debra
Tuesday, February 20, 2007 5:31:00 PM
Dear Laura
Kick Cancers Butt!!! There is so much energy, love and light directed at you and at defeating all the things that are conspiring against your body. They don't know what or who they have taken on. You GOOOOOOOOOO! Love ya. B:}
Wednesday, February 21, 2007 6:35:00 PM
Dear Laura,
I've been thinking of you a lot lately. I was sad to be out of town for both of your invitations (Christmas and your birthday) but I'm glad to know that you were celebrated well. I talked with Judy tonight. Sending you much love and a vision for healing on all levels.
Margaret
Wednesday, February 21, 2007 7:06:00 PM
Hola Laura! I now have a photo of you....the one Otter Tony took at the end of R4 (you look positively glowing!)...on the wall by the door to my apartment so I get to say "hello...my thoughts and energies are with you" at least twice a day. Sometimes I just stroll over and smile at you and feel my gratitude of your power and grace in the world.
I am joining all of the others who love you in "holding you" as you continue your fight.
See you in March!
With love...Otter Peg
Thursday, February 22, 2007 7:21:00 AM
Hi Laura,
Sending you love from Chicago O'Hare in this moment, to wherever you are, as the universe knows and will find you for me...
What an incredible journey this human life is, filled with love, learning, growth, sharing, connecting with other souls inhabiting these human bodies, vessels for the journey. I love what Susan wrote about asking this human vessel what it needs to continue this particular leg of the journey. Because I certainly believe that the soul's journey continues. And I hear your clear intention to stay here, or wherever you physically need to be (in Mexico?) to heal this body, and continue this human experience.
And you are so damn valuable to the world in this lovely human state - what gifts you continue to give! I just walked by one of the O'Hare bookstores, and there sits the new edition of the Co-active Coaching book - on a main display, sandwiched between "Good to Great" - how awesome is that! Co-active Coaching in the mainstream - the mother of coaching has much to be proud of and thankful for. As do I, because co-active coaching, and more importantly - co-active coaches - changed my life! Bigger Game has changed my life - too, and I look forward to seeing the Bigger Game book displayed in a similar position - and on the best seller list!
So I see you and your body dancing, aligning, coming to a common understanding, jointly healing, and dancing some more. How loving to rid your body of toxins!
So here's more love and strength for the journey. Thanks for all that you've given my on my journey as well. Truly, an amazing, enlightening ride, complete with roller coasters and hairpin turns!
Much love,
Melissa
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 8:43:00 AM
Hi Laura,
I just read Karen's note on the co-active network and wanted to add something on your blog.
Whether or not you get to read this, it does not matter - it is more a matter of record.
We have never met, but you have had a huge impact on my life. It is a cliche, but so true - without CTI, Leadership and The Bigger Game I would not be HOW I am today. So many learnings, so much that has been good and great and humbling.
And there are so many people like me, who do not know you directly, but have felt the impact of your work and purpose in their life.
With love, peace and gratitude,
Jon Willis
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 10:52:00 AM
Beloved Laura,
My heart and soul are holding you in a hammock of love and gratitude.
You taught me we are each a bright shining star in the universe. Shining together we make new constellations that fill the night sky with light and direction.
May you feel the universe of stars that you cocreated shine their healing light upon you.
Sending you a big tender soft cheek to cheek caress,
Maia (Otter)
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 11:25:00 AM
Dear Laura,
I am praying for you and loving you through this time.
I am so grateful for your presence in my life.
And, you too, Judy...sending you strength.
Love,
Debra
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 11:49:00 AM
Dear Laura and Judy and family,
My heart and soul are sending love, support, strength and ease to you. Thank you for so graciously including us on your journey. The sacred circle surrounds you.
With love, awe and heavy heart,
Mary Olk
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 12:18:00 PM
Dear Laura,
As one of the Deer, I was fortunate and blessed to have met you at the Mother Tree in December. You are a true inspiration, and I'm forever grateful for being impacted by you - that day, through my entire journey with CTI, the leadership program and even this blog, which has allowed me to stay connected to your wisdom, your grace, your humour and your strength. Thank you.
You are loved - by so many. May you feel all of that fully, together with peace and ease.
With much love,
Mena
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 12:45:00 PM
Laura,
This is the first time on this blog! This place is LOVE! You rock!!!!
Just wanted to say I love and adore you. I admire you on a bizillion levels and just wanted you to know, AGAIN! I'm still using lots of things I heard from your mouth when you coached me many moons ago. Thank you for being so darn committed. You know some us have a hard head and things need to be repeated several times before they sink in. I mean, I'm not like that, but some people are! ;-)
I'm still in business with my best bud, Eva Gregory, making FUN a number #1 priority. We're as goofy as ever, maybe even more. We loved the model of friendship and biz partnership that you, Henry and Karen always modeled. It's working for us, too.
Sending barrels of hugs and love. Knowing all is as it should be in your world.
With great love,
Jeanna
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 1:33:00 PM
Dear Laura:
I'm holding you in my heart today and wishing you peace, light and love...
Love,
Mary
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 1:39:00 PM
Dearest Laura,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Judy on your journey.
I stand in awe at your fight, your tenacity, your creativity and loyalty.
My prayers are for your peace and for the peace of everyone around you.
I am honored to know you.
Love,
-jen
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 1:39:00 PM
Sweet Laura - I just saw Isha's note. What to say at this moment when you are fighting for your life? Only that you are so loved and valued in the world. We need you still.
And we will continue the prayers, intentions, vigils for your full return to health. We are here, holding this space for your return.
Love, Maria
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:06:00 PM
To Laura, Judy, and families,
Holding you all in love, and prayer. The word of Laura's journey home has begun it's ripple outward, and know that the love will continue to build and flow to you all as you dance together now.
I pray for ease, comfort, love, peace, connection, trust, faith, and then more love...
Melissa
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:07:00 PM
Dear Laura,
You visited me in my dreams on Monday eve. I dreamed you were at R4 with us Otters, and you took us for a hike along the shore. In my dream, you were strong in body and spirit. Lots of love,
Otter Maggie
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:32:00 PM
Laura,
Isha and Judy had a great idea, and loving that we could participate, Casey and I opened up the view so when you arrive home the sunlight and meadow view will pour into your bedroom. It was early morning, the fog had just lifted and the house was warm and cozy. We took a moment to give you our own private welcome home and bless the space for your arrival. I am sending you, and those with you, wishes of peace and comfort. I hope your return home from Mexico brings some relief, ease and peace. My heart is with you.
Jen
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:46:00 PM
May you rest in peace, sweet Laura. Although you are no longer physically with us, you will forever be present in our lives.
With love,
Chuck Lioi
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:57:00 PM
Dear Laura,
The world will miss you. You still had so much more to contribute to us, and we mourn your leaving us so soon.
I would tell you to rest in peace, but the word "rest" was never in your vocabulary. I can see you now, gathering the angels in a circle and asking them what their bigger game is.
I'll be watching for a bolt of lightning from an unexpected quarter very soon, letting us know that although you are done with moving earth, you are now moving heaven.
With love and sorrow,
C.J.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 3:39:00 PM
Dear Judy,
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that Sharna and I are sending all our love and strength to you during this time. Your Laura was an amazing woman, and I feel so incredibly lucky to have had the chance to know her. Stay strong during this time and know that you are surrounded with love.
Love to you,
Kim
Dear Vegetable Coach Laura,
Thank you so very much for all that you brought to us - here on this Blog, and elsewhere in the world at large. You will be dearly missed, and at the same time, I know that you will still be with us in so many ways - in the work that you have created, and through the people who you have touched, and in me, every time I eat my vegetables or take my fish oil. I am wishing you peace and light in your next adventure - wherever it may be.
Love to you always,
Kim
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 4:51:00 PM
Dearest Laura,
You are beyond inspiring!!! What a light you have been in this world. Hearing about your incredible leadership of the Otters from our Leaders for Peace delegates from Israel was awe inspiring. Your impact on them was that they couldn't hold back or talk any bull shit. The impact on me of hearing about how you showed up has made me vow to quit bullshitting and SHOW UP!! I am so happy that the Arabic and Jewish Israelis were fortunate to have your inspiring leadership! I know it will have a huge impact on the Middle East. Your light has now merged with the great light and I send you waves of heartfelt gratitude.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 6:28:00 PM
Thank you for what you brought which lives on in ways which you will never have known.
Thursday, March 01, 2007 2:34:00 AM
Laura Whitworth is a giant among the world of coaches.
On behalf of my coaching colleagues at InnerCALL, and from my own personal view, I want to express sympathies and sadness at the passing of Laura. I hope to see you at your present Home.
Love,
Jim
Thursday, March 01, 2007 5:19:00 AM
Laura - You were a beautiful bright light to all of us who came through CTI. Thank you for leaving the world a better place.
Judy - I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take good care of yourself.
With love, admiration and respect,
Judy Underwood
CTI Snakes certification pod
Fort Collins, CO
Thursday, March 01, 2007 5:19:00 AM
Good Bye Laura! You will be SO missed, yet your presence will continue to be felt. You touched and inspired so many people that your impact on the world has changed it forever.
To Judy and all the wonderful people who supported and loved Laura through her battle, my deepest condolences and thanks.
Love Barbara S
Earthquake Tribe
Thursday, March 01, 2007 6:30:00 AM
I can't believe she is gone. I can't believe her light has gone out of this world. I feel like I have lost the beacon from the light house that kept showing me my way. Laura taught me so much - her fierceness gave me permission to be fierce. Her holding us to be strong and capable and brave helped me believe we are strong, capable and brave. I always hear her voice in my mind - urging me forward to do the very thing I am afraid to do.
And now how will I go on from here?
Lynne
Great Mystery
lynne@gillilandjud.com
Thursday, March 01, 2007 6:42:00 AM
My Partner Laura died. She’s taking her journey on to other places now, places I can’t go, won’t go or shouldn’t go. She’s often doing that it seems, leaping out and ahead and then looking back and saying “come on guys catch up”. I am going to miss her pulling on my sleeve and on my arm and locking horns with her as she tries to pull me forward in some new or other direction. I anticipate a time in the future where I will feel that familiar tug again and know it is Laura wanting me to get moving in some direction or another. There is no one like her; she is one of a kind.
My partner Laura died. An interesting word partner, used in so many ways these days. Laura was my partner in creativity. Man oh man we created stuff. We laughed, loved, fought, shouted, cried, moaned, were hopeless and helpless, were victorious, and were warriors and chiefs together. Most of all we talked. We talked about all sorts of things Laura was thinking about or reading about and that the three of us were doing or reading about and that talk turned into things that helped people learn and grow and become better human beings. The talk we had also had us grow and learn and become better human beings. So maybe she was my talking partner.
I already miss talking and creating with her. I miss her coming up with some crazy idea and me saying No No NO to it and her insisting she had her hands around something and then Karen or me finding a piece of it that we could play with and then building off of that and then shaping and turning and making something grow from that first crazy seed. After that would follow another not so crazy seed and then a totally off the wall seed, and I had the feeling they were just lined up in her ready to plunk down in the middle of our talks at any time. It was truly the gift she gave of putting something out there to create from.
Oh and Laura could mix it up too. She had this uncanny ability to make it and keep it real. She had a very low tolerance for any kind of sweetness that was pasted on top of some unexplored truth. So if you were a client, a group or an entire conference of people and you were sitting sweetly on top of an unexpressed truth you were in trouble because my partner Laura would not back away or fit in nicely to that scenario she would rise up and turn her flashlight on and make damn sure that truth was exposed. You could count on it.
My partner Laura though was a little girly girl and had this smile and puppy dog look in her eyes that just invited play and fun. It had this entirely mischievousness quality to it and you felt like you were going to have some really good fun with a little bit of “are you sure this will be alright?” quality to it. It was always not only all right but a great time was had by all.
So I miss my partner Laura and I am grateful beyond words for all the gifts she brought to me in this life.
I love you Laura
Thursday, March 01, 2007 9:07:00 AM
OUCH!!!!!!!!!
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
- Rumi (Tr Coleman Barks)
Thursday, March 01, 2007 10:32:00 AM
Dear Judy,
I send you prayers as you grieve.
Love,
Maggie
Otter Tribe
Thursday, March 01, 2007 10:37:00 AM
All, There is little to say at this time except words of comfort, hope and love. I wept and laughed at Henry's description of Laura as one who could look at you with puppy-dog-innocent eyes combined with that smile that suggested mischief. I have lived a fuller life because I have been looked on by those eyes, engaged by that smile and challenged by the razor-sharpness that is and always will be Laura. Being a part of this community is a gift for me. I share the sadness as well as the great love. Peace to us all, Sara Smith
Thursday, March 01, 2007 10:53:00 AM
Dear Family of Laura,
I send my deepest sympathy. Laura was one of my leadership leaders in the spring of 1999. I can easily imagine her voice, her eyes, her Soultype 3 intense focus and her ability to "cut through the crap." She scared me sometimes and inspired me more! I think of her often.
We Warbonnets gave her a Brian Andreas "story people" picture when we completed Retreat 4. The quote on the picture was "Most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life." I guess the angel part has now taken on another dimension for Laura. Lots loved her. To those of you who shared her life daily, peace.
ML
Thursday, March 01, 2007 11:43:00 AM
I'd like to celebrate Laura, a woman I never met in person but whose vision has impacted my life in a number of ways - CTI and The Bigger Game just being two of the more obvious ones
Michael Bungay Stanier
Thursday, March 01, 2007 3:48:00 PM
So many wonderful things to be said about Laura, and what stays with me is that she lived and died on her terms. Not my terms...heck, I don't think I could sustain a fraction of what she sustained at the end...HER terms. And what's beautiful is that I know she died with a heart full of Hope...Hope that she would recover, Hope that she would join yet another retreat in March, Hope that she would make it home to the Meadow, Hope that she would grow stronger and healthier, Hope that her work was not done thus her life couldn't be done either... In this sometimes Hopeless world, she died with a heart full of Hope. And that is something.
Judy - Thank you for everything you did for her, with her, and because of your love for her. May peace and love surround you during these difficult days.
Thursday, March 01, 2007 3:50:00 PM
Peace to you and gratitude for what you did in this lifetime. We are all beneficiaries of your amazing legacy. Alison Hendren
Thursday, March 01, 2007 8:32:00 PM
Judy and Laura
My heart is with you.
As I sat crying after hearing the news, my daughter Connie wanted to make me feel better and gave me a hug and asked “feel better Mummy?” I said kiss my tears Connie and she passionately kissed my ears. And it somehow summed up the joy and pain in that moment – the real aliveness that Laura has brought to me – the exquisiteness of every moment and the great appreciation of life.
I said to my husband that the damn hard thing is that now she will always see me and there is no hiding and he said she would always have known.
Laura – thank you and thank you.
Love Jackie
Otter
Friday, March 02, 2007 2:10:00 AM
Word of Laura's expansion from this world came to me in my hotel room here in Florida.
This past day I have felt Laura with me everywhere, as I have of you, Judy.
Thinking of you always. Love, Randy
Friday, March 02, 2007 2:32:00 AM
Dear Laura,Judy and All,
I'm writing this from the lobby of a crappy hotel where I'm stranded due to the wild storms hitting home. Laura, is that you creating tornadoes and snowstorms and blizzards? It seems so right that the gale force with which you lived would create quite a stir as you leave.
I landed here in Detroit after a two week trip to Seoul, South Korea. Laura and Judy - Korea is hungry for this work. They're hungry to live true to their hearts - honoring where they've come from and creating fully where they're going. You would have been proud. We won over the Harvard Phds, the corporate coaches, and all the rest.
I was so sad to check my email for the first time in two weeks to find my mailbox overflowing with "Laura" in the subject heading. All night, in my restless confusion of what day it is, I alternated between tears, laughter, and disbelief. I cried for our loss... laughed as memories tickled me... and swirled in the strangeness of it all.
Judy - My heart is especially with you right now. Please know a massive hug awaits you. We never would have had Laura as long as we did without your patience, love, heart, perseverance, passion, tolerance and everything else. Most of all, you have modeled STAYING for me. Thank you for that.
There's more to say, but for now...I'll sign off...
With a full and sad heart... and a whole lot of love,
Helen
Friday, March 02, 2007 6:36:00 AM
What a woman, what a teacher, what a learner, what a leader. Her light shines on...
with love, gratitude for having known and worked with Laura, and a very damp keyboard
Sarah
(Great Mystery)
Friday, March 02, 2007 9:36:00 AM
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